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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be profoundly saddened by this story

615 replies

Changeditforyou · 27/09/2023 13:28

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12565699/Police-rush-scene-incident-outside-busy-Croydon-shopping-centre.html

They tell us to help our daughters to protect themselves from male violence by thinking about what they wear, how much they drink, how late to stay out, where they go…
Are we supposed to add to the list ‘not rejecting a bunch of flowers in case you get stabbed to death’. This is horrifying.

I’m so so sick of male violence. It feels everywhere and inescapable. More luck than anything that your daughter isn’t the one. This poor girl and her family.

Teenage boy stabbed girl, 15, to death with 'a machete after argument'

Met Police officers rushed to Wellesley Road outside the Whitgift shopping centre. Paramedics battled to save the 15-year-old's life but she was pronounced dead at the scene.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12565699/Police-rush-scene-incident-outside-busy-Croydon-shopping-centre.html

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
LuluBlakey1 · 27/09/2023 19:02

Tantaijin · 27/09/2023 19:00

What's happening in this country that people are thinking like that.

Off the top of my head modern reasons could be:

Weak community and family authority figures.

Piss poor parenting and lack of online supervision leading to hardcore porn and incel bollocks rotting boys brains from a young age.

Increasing gang violence fuelled by drug profits and glorification of this through music, social media and popular culture.

But misogyny is hardly a new phenomenon.

'Piss poor parenting' is a huge issue in the UK.

sadaboutmycat · 27/09/2023 19:02

cocksstrideintheevening · 27/09/2023 14:42

What do her school fees have to do with anything?

It's horrific. I'm truly scared for my girls.

The media clearly think it's worse because she came from a privately educated background.

HappyPurrrsday · 27/09/2023 19:02

Just came here to see if anybody had shared this story, because it hit hard when I saw it.

OP summed up my thoughts succinctly: "I’m so so sick of male violence. It feels everywhere and inescapable."

Don't want to be accused of hysteria but I never feel safe anymore. And I don't feel safe for my daughter. Though perhaps I should just avoid news sites, I just read about men killing women, men hurting children etc, (and bloody animals yesterday) day after day after day. Random attacks in the street, family on family attacks, police officers killing women, jilted ex boyfriends killing women.... It's depressing.

Fuckthatguy · 27/09/2023 19:03

@jm9138 I’m guessing you’re male.

If so, you cannot begin to comprehend any of this from a female perspective. If you think you do then, please explain how so, and how the women expecting extreme measures to curb murder and violence are unjustified in their views

Ketzele · 27/09/2023 19:04

sussexlife I didn't actually mention social class (and note that we have no idea where the boy goes to school). But let's not fall into the trap of saying that it has to be one thing or the other. Individual behaviour is also mediated by group behaviour, and there has been a sharp rise in mob antisocial behaviour in Croydon (but not just Croydon). Mob behaviour isn't good for anyone, but especially not for girls.

LuluBlakey1 · 27/09/2023 19:04

sadaboutmycat · 27/09/2023 19:02

The media clearly think it's worse because she came from a privately educated background.

Yeah, like they thought it was worse when Peter Sutcliffe murdered women who were not prostitutes. We have learned nothing in the last 45 years. It's not about who the woman is, it's about men killing women.

EasternStandard · 27/09/2023 19:07

HappyPurrrsday · 27/09/2023 19:02

Just came here to see if anybody had shared this story, because it hit hard when I saw it.

OP summed up my thoughts succinctly: "I’m so so sick of male violence. It feels everywhere and inescapable."

Don't want to be accused of hysteria but I never feel safe anymore. And I don't feel safe for my daughter. Though perhaps I should just avoid news sites, I just read about men killing women, men hurting children etc, (and bloody animals yesterday) day after day after day. Random attacks in the street, family on family attacks, police officers killing women, jilted ex boyfriends killing women.... It's depressing.

I think because we have daughters who are loved, beautiful and unlikely statistically to hurt people it’s like a rage into the night that men keep doing this

I look at dd and can’t bear the thought of more male violence

But I also feel powerless

londonmummy1966 · 27/09/2023 19:09

The ironic background to the posters discussing misogyny on this thread is that the girls at Old Palace were told last week that their school is to be closed by the Whitgift FOundation that owns it. It also owns two boys schools and told the parents there that they had nothing to worry about. So there are now several hundred boys in Croydon who have basically been shown that boys are more important than girls. There was some chalk graffiti outside one of the school earlier in the week says "If I was a boy my school wouldn't be closing)...

I feel for the staff - can you imagine being the head and learning that the school is to be closed and then having to go to the scene of the murder of one of your pupils all in the same week.

Bonjovispjs · 27/09/2023 19:10

Iamnotastick · 27/09/2023 14:41

Men truly are the plague on this earth.

Absolutely!

Itsgettingweirdnow · 27/09/2023 19:10

This thread has become… strange. But that is MN, I guess. No, men do not need to be locked up or put on curfew. And no, we cannot protect our girls. But we can, all individually stop putting up with the BS “some” men give us. For a start. The issues are becoming deeply entrenched. It is scary but perhaps we can help make a change for out future girls. We cannot rely on men to make a change. The majority, simply, do not give a FUCK.

LodiDodi · 27/09/2023 19:11

Tbh since Sarah Everard was murdered I haven't paid for any menstrual products, I simply put them in my bag and pay for the rest of my shopping. If society condones male violence, it can pay for my period. I don't care.

bookworm14 · 27/09/2023 19:11

EasternStandard · 27/09/2023 19:07

I think because we have daughters who are loved, beautiful and unlikely statistically to hurt people it’s like a rage into the night that men keep doing this

I look at dd and can’t bear the thought of more male violence

But I also feel powerless

Yes, this. My daughter is eight but I’m already dreading her teenage years because I know I can’t shield her from this stuff.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/09/2023 19:12

I will continue to unhelpfully rage at 2 women a week being murdered by men.

Ifulikepinacoladas · 27/09/2023 19:12

ghostyslovesheets · 27/09/2023 18:44

Eye opening that me and my 3 daughters have to learn from a young age to alter our behaviour, carry your keys in your hand, cross the road, be careful what you wear, drink, do in public, adapt to being subjected to overtly misogynistic language and behaviour at school, work, on nights etc because we have vaginas - but hey ho - sorry it hurts your feelings - all that male privilege must be a burden

Well said @ghostyslovesheets

They'll never know, they'll never get it.
And I say that as mum to a son, and with a great husband, doesn't change the fact they'll never know.

ValancyRedfern · 27/09/2023 19:14

This has really hit me hard too. I find myself hoping fervently dd will be a lesbian. I know it wouldn't protect her fully from male violence, but at least it would remove the demographic most likely to murder her (partner/ex-partner).

VeronicaSawyer89 · 27/09/2023 19:15

mummymeister · 27/09/2023 17:16

Too many young males with no strong male role models. Young men who father children they have no intention of supporting morally or physically if at all. And we all stand around and wring our hands at this time, and time and time again. Its time that women, all women were empowered by each other, to rise up against these half men and tell them to stick their dicks where the sun doesnt shine. we all have to support young women to stop feeling that they only count if they have a man, any man. and that having a baby will make them stay when it wont. Honestly I have so, so had enough with this shit. All of them, watching porn portraying women as possessions. There needs to be an holistic joined up approach centred around women. we need to stop pandering to men who think its their right to watch porn, to father children and then walk away and to make us fearful.

This!

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/09/2023 19:16

I was called a fucking bitch by a man at a petrol station this summer all because I wasn't going fast enough for him. When I told him to relax I was going as quickly as I could he screamed at me "trust me you've seen nothing yet".

It was very very frightening. I did NOTHING to warrant that.

He did that because he saw a woman so a person he deemed weak and he could treat as he wished.

And this is minor compared to incidents throughout my life and those of others.

NAMALT but too many are.

Yours, Unhelpfully Raging

mathanxiety · 27/09/2023 19:17

I actually think men should be under a curfew for about a week. It would give them an idea of the reality that women experience.

Nothing bothers men until they experience it themselves, and even then they seem to have trouble translating that into a general perspective.

I also dream of the day when women will organise and refuse to pay more than they are paid per pound paid to men when they head out to shop. We could pay 85% of the price to highlight the fact that men's pay allows them more buying power even for the staples of life.

SweetcornFritter · 27/09/2023 19:18

Fuckthatguy · 27/09/2023 18:49

@SweetcornFritter yes assumed you were raising a son, because of your statement around not having enough information to make any judgements.

Nothing to wait and see about at all, he had flowers if she decided to continue a relationship and a fucking machete if she didn’t. You seems way to complacent about this.

Complacent? I prefer to call it rational but OK, let’s not wait and see. Let’s mobilise. What direct action against male on female violence do you suggest?

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/09/2023 19:18

Brefugee · 27/09/2023 18:19

It’s not ok to suggest that allmen be locked up or kept under house arrest or be subjected to restrictions though. Because by doing that you are reversing the situation to one where women are in charge and men are the repressed sex. And that doesn’t work either.

sure it is. All women are told: not to wear short skirts, bodycon dresses, to drink too much, get in cars with strangers, go out at night, blah bloody blah.

So yes. Men can be locked up until they can play nice.

This is an excellent point.

Why should we stay in? We're not the fuckers stabbing and committing rape

PotOfViolas · 27/09/2023 19:20

I don't even think it was a Croydon violence thing. People say that so they can feel they and their kids will be safe. It wasn't a gang violence thing. It was a male killing female thing. That can happen absolutely anywhere. There's even a programme called Killer in my Village about this sort of thing happening in the places you'd least expect. Males killing their partners or exes in pretty little villages that feel safe.

Threeplusmore · 27/09/2023 19:20

"Tbh since Sarah Everard was murdered I haven't paid for any menstrual products, I simply put them in my bag and pay for the rest of my shopping. If society condones male violence, it can pay for my period. I don't care."

LodiDodi: I'm don't follow your distorted logic that you believe shoplifting is acceptable and you think we should cover it. You are a thief.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/09/2023 19:21

KARENJRAYBOULD · 27/09/2023 18:24

Sadly nothing new about this. In 1978 in leafy Staffordshire my 16 year old neighbour was stabbed to death on the doorstep by a boy she had turned down. To this day I look through the window before opening the front door. Two thirds of violent crime is still committed against men though.

I've read somewhere (apologies, no source) that said a factor for so many men being victims is unlike women, they haven't been conditioned to avoid being out alone especially at night, avoid confrontation and constantly risk assess. I think theres something in that.

Fuckthatguy · 27/09/2023 19:21

@SweetcornFritter well, imposing a curfew for all men as one posters suggested for a week would be an interesting start. Actually it was house arrest.

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