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Original poster

Would you put your 1 year old in nursery if you didn’t work

311 replies

Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 11:57

And didn’t need to work-financially ok, other child in school. Would you put your 1 year old in nursery every day?
NOT being judgey, just trying to understand the reasons someone would.
I stayed off with my dc for a while, we were skint and it was so hard at home sometimes, but looking back, they were some of the best times and I wish I could do it all again with my dc especially at 1, when they didn’t yet walk and it was all cuddly and lovely
Friend mentioned to me that our other friend was doing this.
Completely different if you have to work

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/09/2023 15:40

Depends wholly on the situation.

People judging, and saying “oh I wouldn’t want my child to be away from me, why pay for something you can do yourself“, but have family handy, a supportive partner, perhaps just a baby/ toddler who naps and sleeps well, can’t really judge a person who doesn’t have those things for wanting a bit of time to themselves.

I mean, if it’s 5 full days and you don’t work, then yes it’s probably a bit rubbish. But a couple of days or half days, could be just what a person needs, and allows them to be a better mum over all.

Oliotya · 27/09/2023 15:41

Shadowchaser · 27/09/2023 15:15

@Hufflepods I honestly believe that for my children 1-1 (or 2-2 in my case) care in a grandparents home is preferable to nursery. I don’t believe my child’s grandparents are a danger because I’ve known them 30 odd years. I actually pretty much am a SAHM bar the odd day a month but in my opinion a bonded family member in a home is a better option than childcare regardless of money. I could have afforded nursery but I don’t think there’s any benefit to the child until almost school age (unless from a home where they don’t get the care or stimulation) hence why it’s always been free for 3+.

It’s always the same on these threads, people get very defensive when nursery is criticised as if those of us who don’t use nursery are lazy and don’t work or just scrounging off family…not the case, sometimes some people just don’t believe it’s in the best interest of the child to be there 30+ hours a week at that age.

It always seems to be those with plenty of outside help who are first to criticise those who use paid childcare. "Odd day a month" would you say the same if it was 2 days in 7 years? No, you'd probably pay for childcare as well.

AnnieApple123 · 27/09/2023 15:43

Personally no. I don’t work and my child has only just started nursery now at 3 years 4 months and only then 2 mornings a week.

Sprogonthetyne · 27/09/2023 15:54

I sent my DD in a couple of morning a week from 1, while I was a SAHM. The reason was that we were just coming out of covid, there were no groups anything, and she was modeling all of her social/ play skills from her autistic brother, as he was the only child she knew. Nothing wrong with that really, they play amazingly together, but I wanted to expose her to NT children as well.

These reasons probably don't apply to your friend, but there will be a reason that makes sense for their family.

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 27/09/2023 16:15

yes I would for a few days a week

Original poster
Comeonautumn · 27/09/2023 16:19

@SapphireOpal Charming.

No, I didn’t find it mind numbingly dull, the odd yes, I find work pretty dull, but there you go.

OP posts:
autumnmakesmehappy · 27/09/2023 16:24

My little one is only 5 months old but I previously worked in a nursery setting. Plenty of stay at home parents would place their children in our care for a couple of days a week or a few mornings. It was unusual for a stay at home parent to do it at baby age but common from 2.5 years. There are so many benefits for the child (builds up their confidence, helps them to make friends and prepares them for school), plus it gives the parent a bit of peace and time to catch up with things at home. I plan on being a SAHM whilst my child is small but I would have no hesitation in using a nursery once they are of preschool age and close to going to school.

Dolores87 · 27/09/2023 16:30

Not every day but 2 or 3 times a week yes if I had the money. I am a far better mother when I have some breathing space. Although at 1 I'd probably have a decent childminder.

Diamondcurtains · 27/09/2023 16:32

No I wouldn’t and I didn’t. I’ve always been a sahm. The kids went to school for the first time in reception. I know plenty that do though and that’s their choice.

piscis · 27/09/2023 16:38

Yes, but not every day at thay age, maybe three mornings a week or something like that. Not full days at 1 year old.

PeloMom · 27/09/2023 16:45

Yes I would.

Tweddle · 27/09/2023 16:50

Every one of your posts is ‘I don’t want to judge but….’ And the you go ahead and judge anyway. I think you need to really reflect on the reasons why you want to bring other mothers down like this. Insecurities? It’s doesn’t show you in a good light tbh

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/09/2023 16:50

No, we didn’t.

Ellie1015 · 27/09/2023 16:55

So has the thread helped you then OP?

Have you reached the conclusion you will never know but it is none of your business? Have you at least realised jt is judgy?

You can see it is not a common choice, but you knew that before you started. We cant guess her reasons.

Tangled123 · 27/09/2023 17:01

I think only one day would be too hard on the child so would probably go for at least two days. Even full time workers get 2 days off, so I would like to have a couple of days a week to myself so catch up on housework, sleep, exercise, go to appointments or even just watch TV.

iamwhatiam23 · 27/09/2023 17:18

Not at one and definitely not full time. From maybe 2 for a couple of mornings a week.

Bbq1 · 27/09/2023 17:24

Nio, never. I couldn't and wouldn't ever want to.

Uggtrending · 27/09/2023 17:25

@Comeonautumn yes because you need to learn there's life outside motherhood. Going to look round the shops in peace AND try clothes on is much easier without a baby. It's soooo important to just have a coffee and have ME time. Once a week is perfectly reasonable.

DS went to nursery at 14 months old 2 days a week as I had a night job.

AmazingSnakeHead · 27/09/2023 18:05

We're also talking as if all nurseries are the same. Most parents will have carefully researched their nursery to find a setting that they really believe adds value to their child's life. I know that I did. I looked round several, and the one that DS goes to I chose because I think it brings a lot of positivity to his life. I'd send him there a few days even if I were a SAHM.

eastegg · 27/09/2023 18:05

Shadowchaser · 27/09/2023 15:15

@Hufflepods I honestly believe that for my children 1-1 (or 2-2 in my case) care in a grandparents home is preferable to nursery. I don’t believe my child’s grandparents are a danger because I’ve known them 30 odd years. I actually pretty much am a SAHM bar the odd day a month but in my opinion a bonded family member in a home is a better option than childcare regardless of money. I could have afforded nursery but I don’t think there’s any benefit to the child until almost school age (unless from a home where they don’t get the care or stimulation) hence why it’s always been free for 3+.

It’s always the same on these threads, people get very defensive when nursery is criticised as if those of us who don’t use nursery are lazy and don’t work or just scrounging off family…not the case, sometimes some people just don’t believe it’s in the best interest of the child to be there 30+ hours a week at that age.

Just look at that first sentence! Too right it’s ‘preferable’. It’s also bloody jammy. Unfortunately my DF is pushing 90 (even when my eldest was born he was already 76), DM had a debilitating stroke when my youngest was still very little, plus they live miles away so you know 🤷‍♂️. Have a think about how other people’s circumstances might differ from your own.

Simonjt · 27/09/2023 18:22

We do, not fulltime though, I’m unemployed at the moment, but I’m going to start looking for work after christmas, so it seems silly to get our daughter out of the routine of nursery, when she needs to go back after christmas. Plus a fulltime place is only about £90 a month where we live.

Starwarslover · 27/09/2023 18:30

I think full time is pretty excessive to be honest. Completely understand part time for socialisation/ a break but full time is very different at age 1. Completely fair enough if there’s mental health issues at play but generally I’d expect someone who puts their kids in full
time childcare to be working.

ColleenDonaghy · 27/09/2023 18:40

So judgey, and judging working parents too.

If nursery is fine for Jane when her parents are at work, then it's also fine for Sarah when her parents aren't.

verabarbleen · 27/09/2023 19:09

I think different things work for different people . I wouldn't but I would want to. I probably only wouldn't as I would be worried about being judged 😂 mine are 2 and 4 now . Ones in school and I'm free in the week as work weekends but send 2 year old to preschool 2 mornings a week . The first time in over four years I've had a few hours to myself:m, it's life changing !

tiredmama23 · 27/09/2023 19:14

At 1, no I wouldn't have if I didn't need to work. But that's because I struggled badly with PND and part of that was struggling massively with any significant length of separation from my daughter, any more than an hour was excruciating for me, so my return to work from may leave when she was 9 months was emotional turmoil for me. But as I say, I was unwell. Had I not been, who knows.

PND aside, at 2 years I'd have been putting her in nursery at least a couple days a week regardless of needing to work, simply because she has become so much more of a handful since hitting that age! 😬