To think this is gross and unacceptable

[wittsendd]

Last night, our puppy wee'd on the rug, instead of soaking it up with paper towels, as we would both usually do, my partner just sprayed straight over it with the Stain & Odour removing spray. I was washing dishes, then letting the dog out at the time.

It was late and he had an early start this morning, which seems to be his 'reason'. When I raised it with him he said he'll do things as he sees fit, this does not bode well as his standards are almost non existent.

This has made me furious, our toddler plays on the rug and I find it disgusting that he couldn't be bothered to do a proper job of cleaning up. Shouldn't a basic level of cleanliness be a given?
We both work pt, and split the cost of everything 50/50. I do almost everything around the house and have had to convince him to take on the job of regularly doing the bins and He often doesn't fully finish jobs, for example;

-Empties bin, but won't put a new bag in
-Puts toddler to bed, but doesn't bring the empty bottle downstairs or wash it, & leaves clothes all over the bathroom
-Leaves his dirty laundry on the floor
-Leaves his clean laundry all over the place and won't put it away, it just hangs around the bedroom til he wears it again
-Goes food shopping. But doesn't put it away, or sometimes even in the kitchen

• if he (rarely) cooks, leaves a huge mess

-takes toddler swimming, but doesn't sort the towels/ swimsuits afterwards

Am I asking too much? Do we just have different ways of doing things, which I should accept? For context, We are both in our 40s and have been together 4 yrs.

I'm also very curious if any men have an opinion on this. Thanks for reading!

He does the tidying and cleaning resentfully, doing it as quickly as possible and never finishing the job. He’s lazy and thinks these jobs are ‘women’s work’, I bet. He wants a mummy not a partner.

My ex is tidy but still sees such chores as ‘women’s work’ and a waste of his important Man Time, so he usually gets his doormat of a mother to do them for him, including washing and ironing his clothes even though he has a washing machine and is more than capable of doing it himself. He’s a manchild and so is your partner by the sound of it.

Yes, I realised you didn't mean literally three. Maybe four or five.

Once I might have agreed with you. But after several years here, I've found that people having a normal, minor everyday spat in a healthy and loving relationship don't come on here to ask strangers about it or "vent". It is almost always the latest in a series of incidents that paint an overall picture of a shitawful relationship in which the woman, more often than not, is being treated like dirt.

Right now in Relationships there's a woman whose husband has told her he won't clean his arse properly or cut his toenails unless she has more sex with him. Is there any context that makes that acceptable?

If you're worried that women are leaving wonderful men whom they love in droves because Mumsnet has just that much influence over them, be assured they are not.

Thankfully there's plenty of men on MN (myself included) who can weigh in.
OP, you have indeed married a manchild - I can safely say this kind of thing won't change long-term in my experience.

I've got a few friends who were always quite lazy (both male and female) and they've simply carried on coasting when they've met long term partners or got married.

why did you have a child with this man?

Not a great idea to get a puppy with all the extra work that entails when you already know he doesn't do things properly with regards to your DD. I'm not saying that to excuse him, but what did you expect to happen?

😆 I like your comment....

Seriously yucky that one, along side using sex as a bargaining tool. Not my cup of tea, but hey ho.

I do think you are making generalised assumptions.

I do feel people come on her to discuss behaviour (not always significant) because it's not something they want to offload on to friends or they feel more comfortable addressing strangers. Unfortunately because it is an online forum, it can escalate really quickly. People are much more comfortable being really damning and I doubt a lot of what they say, would be said in person, or at least not without careful rumination and consideration. To me this 'burn them all' mentality is just excessive.

Man here. I might occasionally be guilty of some of the other things you mention - e.g., failing to deal with wet things after swimming - but I like to think through absent mindedness not low standards. The piss on the rug thing is gross though. It needs to be cleaned up properly. YANBU.

I do think you are making generalised assumptions.

I'm basing it on what I've seen on here over several years. Women in happy relationships with a bit of normal, quickly resolved friction don't feel the need to complain or seek opinions about them on here. In fact, when she starts off by saying he's wonderful, the relationship is wonderful, this is just a silly light-hearted thing, 99% of the time she's married to some absolutely repulsive arsehole who wouldn't get the time of day from you. If she also mentions the magic words "he's a good dad", you know the guy's a ocean going, copper bottomed turd.

But even if you're right and the reaction on here is totally out of proportion, it doesn't matter unless women in fantastic relationships really are acting on this and dumping all these wonderful men to be single parents on smaller incomes because Mumsnet told them to. Do you think that's happening?

My husband thinks that using paper towels to soak it up isn't much better and that it needs properly washing. He thinks both of your methods are gross.

What’s your opinion?

As a bloke I'm quite tidy myself and certainly way tidier than my ex

I don't like domestic chores at all but I don't make a mess, do my laundry and ironing as necessary and pay a cleaner to do the rest

We're all different in the way we like to live and finding common ground is difficult sometimes.

If you work long hours -as I've always done doing the domestic stuff sometimes takes second place to just chilling out. Suspect this issue is almost universal and not always the female who has the girevance

I agree that it should be washed properly. I also wouldn't have got a puppy because it sounds like it's extra stress and mess.

instead of soaking it up with paper towels, as we would both usually do

On a rug? Tbh I wouldn't consider just soaking it up to be adequate cleaning either.

DEFINITELY shoes off by the front door. We also all shower once we are home, get into our clean lounge wear/PJs, and relax. I cannot abide shoes inside, absolutely disgusting.

We're all different in the way we like to live and finding common ground is difficult sometimes.

Is it really that hard to find another person who would clean piss out of a rug properly, especially with a toddler around? Although just soaking it up with towels isn't enough, it needs a proper wash.

Still I disagree.

I think people can be vulnerable and easily influenced. You seem like a strong person, however where people insecurities and concerns are having stadium lights shone on them, and they are already sensitive about things, yes I believe it can easily lead to separation, maybe sometimes warranted, maybe sometimes very regrettably.

People just have different standards, as is evidenced on this thread.
I won't have a dog (or any pet) in my home, as they are unsanitary. Many people disagree with me. Same with shoes off at the front door.

Mopping up dog wee with products isn't going to remove the dog pee. And even if it does, the dog is still shedding dirt and germs. A bit of pee is the least of their concerns. Dogs leak semen, poo, slobber, slobber having just licked their genitals. It's all thoroughly revolting, and I don't understand wanting to invite that into our homes, especially with a young child.

See proof of dog germs here:

@Fiddlerdragon

Are you a bit thick or something

No. I think we disagree. Perhaps that means you're thick?

Purple, I agree wholeheartedly. Why would you have an animal in the house which licks its bottom then licks you/your child. Goes on furniture and wipes sh@t all over furniture and carpets. Walks in all sorts then comes into house. We take our shoes off at the door - who knows what we have walked in, and surely anyone with a sense of cleanliness would not want faeces over their furniture/flooring/child. Gross

Op why have you set your bar so low?

You are in a family with two children and a puppy.

Surely in an equitable relationship there are expected standards of behaviour?

OP think about how you are facilitating this man- he leaves dirty clothes around- what happens then?
Do you cook for him? Wash his clothes?

As much as I adore dogs I would question your wisdom in bringing a puppy into your family.

Spot on!

If OP thinks her partner isn't pulling his weight, she needs to tell him. If she is not happy with his response and feels that their child is still being neglected, she needs to leave him.

It's not a 'stupid' response to say that a woman doesn't need to train a man.

Thanks for that! You should come with a trigger warning.

Sorry about the thumbnail image, I was not expecting that! The facts are the facts though. Just normal bodily functions, and for pets not wearing pants, they end up on your soft furnishings.

I'm wondering what people would do about dog pee on a rug. As I've mentioned I'm a scruff bag, but I would be giving it a scrub with soap and anti bac, letting it dry, then spraying it with pet designed anti bac/anti odour. I may do this again in the morning.