To think some football parents need to STFU?

[forevaworried]

My son started playing for a local team, he played a few friendlies in the summer and this is his first season as U13. He’s late to it at 12 years old but was desperate to do it and after a few try outs was signed. He’s shows up to training and matches. He’s not the fastest or the strongest but he’s doing his best, and enjoying it. I hoped this would be enough as he’s progressing, learning all the time, gives it his all. However some of the parents there … they are so vocal and critical, sometimes they are openly pissed off if the team loses, misses passes or penalties etc. it’s horrible to see and hear especially when sometimes it’s aimed at your kid. For instance, this Sunday my son got megsed (ball went between his legs), very embarrassing for him and since he’s a defender it meant a goal was scored for the opposition (although we won 8-2 at full time). But Jesus the collective sigh of disdain and disgust was painful from parents. Not helped at all by the gobby striker of the team with definite anger issues launching a tirade of verbal against him loud enough for everyone to hear… taking the mick saying he’s useless “what’s he doing with his legs open” etc etc. I find going to these games so bloody stressful. I messaged the coach and asked is my son really doing that badly?! Does he need extra training or a pep talk? Coach was really reassuring saying it’s his first season, some kids on that team have been playing 6+ years, my son is doing just fine and he’s got no problem with his performance. But it doesn’t feel like that when other parents are so vocal and aggressive, honestly some of them stand at the lines screaming and swearing. I find it horrible! Why can’t they find another team if the have a problem with the current one? Is junior football not meant to be about having a good time and learning to take the dogs rough with the smooth, winning and losing graciously? Supporting all the players not chastising them when they f* up? A big part of me wishes me son would just quit so I don’t have to feel sick every Sunday morning dreading all the ways he might get it wrong and be publicly shamed for it. Is it just me? Or are some parents and their kids just dicks?

Some parents and their kids are just dicks.

Ask your son how he feels

Some teams are competitive, some aren't. Choose which suits him best

The coach needs to remind parents of which behaviors are not acceptable and where necessary ban parents who abuse players or Refs from the touch line.

Our village club has a document of expectations for players & parents that they all sign up to (if you muss training you're not picked, parental behaviour etc) and it is ruthlessly applied

Coach needs to have a word with the cretin parents. That’s pretty disgusting behaviour towards children, no wonder the kids are showing the same behaviours when mum and dad are so blatant.

I hated junior football for all the reasons you have said. I found it a horrible experience and at more than one club.

when DS gave it up I punched the air, was a bit nervous when he suggested rugby union as an alternative but what a difference. Friendly inclusive parents, coaches that cared about more than their own kid being man of the match every week, no screaming parents, good sportsmanship. He found his tribe.

You have my sympathy OP.

@Brefugee yes we have a similar list of expectations, some parents fall short of these with the constant instructing and criticism of players. I understand the coach has had to let previous players go because other kids or parents were getting a bit big for their boots.

It’s causing real problems in the junior game. Not just the kids being upset but match officials being abused and even assaulted by parents. It wasn’t an issue when I was a junior simply because parents didn’t show up: the school or club arranged transport for games and they were often played weekdays after school when parents are at work. I know you find it upsetting but how does your lad feel about it? I always loved playing football and miss it even now when I’m old and decrepit. During a match I’d be so focused that I’d barely notice what else was going on but if the barracking is putting him off playing I’d suggest swapping to an indoor league. The hobby parents have less anonymity in the confined space and tend to mind their language more.

My impression is that it is just football parents. DS plays rugby where everyone is very encouraging and supportive. The children are also guided to have good sportsmanship. The parents whose DC do both football and rugby say it's like night and day.

@ClusterFukt yes. In fact the gobby strikers dad is the main culprit for standing behind the goal shouting and swearing and pulling his hair out. He’s a vile man and his kid is bad tempered and swears all the time too. He really laid into my son on Sunday. I wouldn’t have minded so much if he’d said it to his face but he just didn’t, he shouted it out at his parents and of course every other parent heard it too. It’s a shame because his mum has been really kind to me (she says her partner and son get way too into it and if they lose the drive home is unbearable with them both kicking off) but after standing with them once at a game I’ll not do it again.

Ah it’s embarrassing. Football parents are dicks!

We left a team this summer as my son had a trial with a pro academy….. we thought everyone would be pleased for him but apparently not….he only missed one match of the season, which they won very convincingly….. Excluded from the end of season celebrations, not allowed a photo with the trophy, verbally abused by the coach (ex premier league player), excluded by all the boys who had been his best buddies all year, issues that spilled in to school. The parents now post things about being ‘ultras’! Bloody embarrassed to have ever associated with them all. He’s now much happier on his new team! There will be friendlier teams out there x

DH was a football coach for over 13 years and some of the behaviour by some parents is awful. Swearing would result in a ban, but they had no control on the oppositions onlookers behaviour except when it was agressive - which did happen (threatening coaches/linesmen/referees). Commenting on players is not helpful. DH tried to stop parents (always the dads) yelling instructions at their children as it just confuses them and interferes with the coaches instructions.

I'm not sure why it tends to be so bad at childrens football matches? Wasn't as bad at rugby and not at all at cricket. I know football is now taken incredibly seriously and seems to be put on a massive pedestal at the moment

I'm surprised the coach/team isn't addressing parent's insulting comments and swearing. If I was you I would listen to him and also keep stand away from these parents.

Awful behaviour. I bet they grow up to get drunk when their team loses and riot in the streets.

There are always some parents like this. I even remember a netball umpire taking a parent to task over their loud criticism of players in their child’s team. Yes, netball!

Awful, shame he wasn't enthusiastic about rugby instead, so many less dicks on the sidelines.

When my younger brother played as a kid one dad behaved so badly (swearing, loud personal comments and aggression) that he was banned from all practices and games by the coaches. His kid still went but he wasn’t allowed to watch.

So yeah, it’s not unheard of for some people to behave appallingly at a kids footie match. I definitely think the coach needs to be having words tbh, there really is no need for it.

Yeah sometimes grass roots football is pretty grim. I’ve heard some awful things said by parents about, and to, kids. What the boys say in the field to each other isn’t always pleasant either. The coaches/managers and clubs should be more on it, but unfortunately they often see it as ‘boys will be boys’ and part and parcel of grassroots football, which often they grew up with.

we have a nice club house with a bar and it’s amazing how many parents will be drinking lager at 10.30 on a match day morning.that doesn’t help.
my dh often steps in to ref or run the line and some of the things kids and opposition parents have said to him is unreal.

I agree and also think that there is a real lack of provision out there for kids who just want to play friendlies with nothing much at stake, but in an organised way, not just mates at a park. My dS is similar, late to the sport and not great but really wants to get involved. Even though his
team is v low down in a low league his coach still won't put him on the field for even part of a match.

I don't know why (well I can guess) this behaviour seems to exclusively effect boys youth football.

It doesn't seem to happen in any other sport and I hope my son will take up something else other than football when he's a bit older, hopefully cricket not many dicks in cricket.

If your child is still enjoying it, I'd stand well away from the other parents on the team when watching the match so that you don't have to hear them.

The kids will 100% start blaming each other for mistakes at this age. It's hard to hear. Good luck.

Yep, there's a kid and parent like this on DS2's team too. It's really annoying.

Can you ask your local community police to do a circuit of the field whilst the match is on? It might remind parents to STFU, after all this is a safeguarding issue. Children being verbally abused and potentially physically harassed by grown men. Why would anyone think this is acceptable?

Both my boys played grassroots football from 5-18. This is not uncommon although some teams are worse than others. Tbh it did them no harm. Character building some might say, although their teams were not top league material.
Be warned,it often gets worse as they get older and lose the weaker players.
Both DS refereed too. Now that was an eye opener!

I coach and unfortunately some parents are knobs! Our parents are brilliant- well, normal! They don’t yell negative things at our players, the ref, or anyone else.
Bit we play some horrible teams who have aggressive dads yelling and aggressive coaches who seem to forget that this is a grass roots sport and these are children.

BUT your coach needs to sort the team attitude out. We only do positive.
There’s no way I would let one of my players have a go at another for making an error - the ‘gobby ’ striker needs to be told that’s not on. We would bench anyone yelling at teammates like that in a game.
Nor would we tolerate it in training. It’s a team sport.
Your coach also needs to speak to the parents.
No child is motivated by being screamed at, sighed at, told they’re useless or made a mistake. Why would they be?

We have a very successful team because despite have some weaker players as a team they’re fantastic. They are positive , encouraging, supportive of one another, and competitive. they don’t get riled up by aggro opposition or aggro opposition coaches and aggro parents.
We’ve beaten many a team who’ve bickered amongst themselves, Been confused by instructions yelled from parents rather than just coaches, been upset at being yelled at.

But it’s up to your coach to sort.

@cptartapp I imagine it does! I do get the character building aspect to it. But in a way I wish if they had to be so vocal and critical they could at least do it face to face, be direct “come on lad get your shit together” would be better than the mindless cussing and the players stomping about the pitch slagging team mates off within earshot of each other.

Our local football club has lots of signs about behaviour from players, families and coaches

Some of the coaches get cross with their own teams, but families and players tend to behave well

I think that if SOME of the families are gobby, it emboldens others

Clubs should be banning them from matches