To think some football parents need to STFU?

[forevaworried]

My son started playing for a local team, he played a few friendlies in the summer and this is his first season as U13. He’s late to it at 12 years old but was desperate to do it and after a few try outs was signed. He’s shows up to training and matches. He’s not the fastest or the strongest but he’s doing his best, and enjoying it. I hoped this would be enough as he’s progressing, learning all the time, gives it his all. However some of the parents there … they are so vocal and critical, sometimes they are openly pissed off if the team loses, misses passes or penalties etc. it’s horrible to see and hear especially when sometimes it’s aimed at your kid. For instance, this Sunday my son got megsed (ball went between his legs), very embarrassing for him and since he’s a defender it meant a goal was scored for the opposition (although we won 8-2 at full time). But Jesus the collective sigh of disdain and disgust was painful from parents. Not helped at all by the gobby striker of the team with definite anger issues launching a tirade of verbal against him loud enough for everyone to hear… taking the mick saying he’s useless “what’s he doing with his legs open” etc etc. I find going to these games so bloody stressful. I messaged the coach and asked is my son really doing that badly?! Does he need extra training or a pep talk? Coach was really reassuring saying it’s his first season, some kids on that team have been playing 6+ years, my son is doing just fine and he’s got no problem with his performance. But it doesn’t feel like that when other parents are so vocal and aggressive, honestly some of them stand at the lines screaming and swearing. I find it horrible! Why can’t they find another team if the have a problem with the current one? Is junior football not meant to be about having a good time and learning to take the dogs rough with the smooth, winning and losing graciously? Supporting all the players not chastising them when they f* up? A big part of me wishes me son would just quit so I don’t have to feel sick every Sunday morning dreading all the ways he might get it wrong and be publicly shamed for it. Is it just me? Or are some parents and their kids just dicks?

I think the club should really clamp down hard on this. The is a warning at the start of every season (and an expectation!) that parents are supportive of all the kids on the pitch. What you have described just wouldn’t be permitted at all.

but I’m not in the UK.

Do they sound like the kind of people who will take kindly to someone 'having a word' with them? This sort of breeder is usually the one who only ever opens their mouth the criticise, they are very silent when volunteers are needed!

It's not only football, when I ran a Primary school netball team I told one parent, an RSM so used to discipline, to take a long hike if he couldn't shut up about something he knew nothing!

It’s football. It’s grim. Get him out of the team and playing any other sport and you’ll find a vast change in attitudes from kids and parents alike.

Bless your naivity in believing it doesn't happen in other sports or any slightly competitive activity involving children!

This behaviour is absolutely against FA guidance for grassroots football. If you get nowhere with the team coach then I would try and find out who the head of youth football is at their club and speak to them. Threaten them with reporting it to the FA. It's not on and needs to be stamped out. We have silent Saturdays every now and again where parents aren't allowed to say a word during the match. It's bloody heaven. Parents really are the worst thing about youth football

Do you mean the Respect Marshall or the Club Child Welfare officer? It's impossible for the Welfare officer to be at every game so they reply on parents reporting concerns.

I honestly now despise this sport. Mine is now at similar age as OP’s and has played football since 6 years old.

I have witnessed parents swearing and their children, other children, other parents from as young as 7, so before we were even playing in a league.

Yes, complaints get made, warnings get sent out but nothing changes.

Now we play at league level it is just awful, parents, mainly dads desperate for their kid to be scouted and will do anything to make it happen. Kids fighting, being really nasty.

This spilled into the school and was so bad football got banned.

Mine is finally getting ready to quit to thankfully focus on other sports including rugby which is like night and day to the atmosphere at football.

I wish I knew then what I know now about how toxic it is as I had been keen for mine to play for being part of a team, exercise and being part of something. It is nothing of the sort, just awful.

I agree about the behaviour of some parents. And the suggestions about who to report it to.

Hmm, I agree that the behaviour of rugby parents at that sort of age is generally much better than football parents, but not sure rugby is as squeaky clean as some are making out. Mine played both until under 13s and only rugby since. I've certainly noticed a big difference in parent behaviour at U16 / U18 level- not universally but the shouting at the ref / complaints etc has definitely stepped up massively. And the sledging the boys do to the opposition on the pitch is pretty eye watering!

I wonder if part of the issue is age pathways- in football the 'good' players are picked up by one of the academies by 12 or 13 (often earlier, which seems insane) so that's the sort of age there's lots of expectations from parents. In rugby it's much later, they start to pull players into regional squads at 15-16, so that is maybe the peak age group for parental hype and expectations? By that sort of age the boys still playing football for a non academy team are pretty much just doing it for the enjoyment of the game maybe?

Hi,
I could’ve written this myself! My son was in a team for 2 years, some rough characters, little positive encouragement. In his 2nd year a boy joined who constantly told my son he was shit and even told my husband ‘it’s not my fault your son’s shit’. My son didn’t get fare match time and the language from some of the players was atrocious. I felt sick just stood on the sideline! After 2 years, his confidence at rock bottom, he left to join another team.
Should’ve left sooner in hindsight. His confidence is being built back up, he’s enjoying it and he’s not been subbed once!
My advice, if he’s not happy, find another team.

This is a club problem not a football problem or a class issue. I am in the US and have seen all kinds of things including a fight at a girls game (not my club) this weekend that ended in the police being called. The club we play for a zero tolerance for any of this type of behavior. Parents who act out are talked to and kids have been asked to leave because of things the parents have done. Same for kids that don’t behave according to the code of conduct. I have seen the same behavior across multiple sports and don’t think it is sport specific at all (and in the US we do don’t have snobbery around specific
sports like the UK does with football vs Rugby. All sports face this issue and struggle to get refs because people don't want to deal with the parents. It is a universal issue and zero tolerance that is enforced is really the only way to handle even if it seems harsh to the kids sometimes if they are good team
members and their parents are out of control

Both my DS play football, one is in a team that is zero tolerance of negative comments from parents or players, new players have signed over the years & have had to be spoken to and sorted by the coach. Parents are like a family & we only shout encouraging stuff.
My other DS team has positive parents but the coaches allow some kids to say negative stuff to teammates, the coaches can in general be quite negative too.
you can probably guess which one loves playing each week and which one is thinking about whether to continue.
I have come across some really vile teams and coaches and parents over the years when attending matches. Some teams have had to be reported to the junior league.
if he still wants to play at the end of the season maybe keep on the lookout ( word of mouth ) for a nicer team. They do exist !

I'm a season ticket holder of a premier league football team. As is my son, my mum and my grandparents when they were alive.
Both my sons have played football for Sunday league teams and still play now as young adults

I can assure you that none of us are arseholes. Or scumbags or the other insults thrown on here.

A generalised comment that has made you look really rather dim.

This is sad to hear but unfortunately there are parents like this.
My son plays for two teams - one is mixed ability and one is competitive. Parents and coaches in both teams are nothing but positive and encouraging. Criticism is constructive and supportive.
But we have played against some truly awful teams with parents swearing at the kids and the ref. One game sticks in my mind and we were all completely shocked by the behaviour and it filters onto the kids and how they play too (there were some awful and dangerous tackles which were applauded by the parents). It’s sad to see but I’m pleased to say it seems to be the minority where I am.
I would consider looking for another team as there are nice ones out there.

I remember being at a secondary school football match and one of the opposing teams dads calling one of our players a pki twt. One of our players head butted this dad and then got suspended from school for two weeks.

You anbu. My partner is a ref for kids football and some of the abuse he tells me he gets... It is exactly why I don't watch his matches as I would not be able to stand there and watch him get abuse without kicking off at the parents myself!

Don’t be fooled. Rugby isn’t perfect. The coaches were the knobs at our local team, not inclusive, rewarding their sons each week and not taking safety seriously enough by diving straight into games rather than getting the basics right which resulted in many injuries (broken limbs) where the kids were blamed (on the QT) but my other half who coached could see it was down to the coaching approach. We left.

It's football innit. Try and get him interested in rugby and you won't have to suffer the yobs.

Surprised the coach doesn't have a word as that is vile behaviour towards kids. As somebody said earlier - it's abuse of children and so wrong.

I'm a coach and we simply don't tolerate it - non of that nonsense.
There are plenty of dick head parents in football but 99% aren't. Look at other clubs & teams

YANBU. Football attracts scumbags (as well as non-scumbags, obvs). My ds tried playing at a local football club. It was an unpleasant experience. Other sports have a more civilised demographic.

We've got one like this - nor sure how I'm gonna manage another whole season with him.
He doesn't seem to realise his daughter plays better when he's not there shouting at her constantly.

I was so pleased when my DS quit football. Some of the parents were awful and it's no wonder it rubs off on the children who end up being bullies. It made me really sad seeing them tell their own kids off after a match too when it looked to me that their child had give it their best.

YANBU

Football parents are dicks.

My DD and DS both play and you wouldn’t believe at 10 & 6 just how many parents (dads) stand at the sidelines bossing their kids about or giving the (volunteer!!) ref grief. And then at half time they March over to their kid and tell them what they think they should have done. I have said before in a PA that they should really volunteer for the coaching assistant role seeing as they give such good advice. I thought he was gonna thump me! Poor kids

What a load of bollocks.

Plenty of yobs in rugby

So much snobbery on MN

Sadly it happens in all games - DS 17 refs Youth Rugby, it's insane the number of times he's had been shouted at, and called horrible names from parents. It's definitely built his resilience!

He says the 11-13 cohort are the worst, at this point the parents are so competitive and still attending matches. Once they get older the kids come on their own and they can actually keep playing without having to stop and deal with parents. Mind, he says the kids on the field are usually mortified when he calls their parents out and often apologise on the parents behalf.

Just a keep an eye on your son. There is a big difference between building resilience and bullying. It can be brought into school and can make them feel rubbish. My sensitive DS was told he was rubbish (he wasn’t) and it really affected his self esteem. Funnily enough he now plays to a high standard in America.