To think some football parents need to STFU?

[forevaworried]

My son started playing for a local team, he played a few friendlies in the summer and this is his first season as U13. He’s late to it at 12 years old but was desperate to do it and after a few try outs was signed. He’s shows up to training and matches. He’s not the fastest or the strongest but he’s doing his best, and enjoying it. I hoped this would be enough as he’s progressing, learning all the time, gives it his all. However some of the parents there … they are so vocal and critical, sometimes they are openly pissed off if the team loses, misses passes or penalties etc. it’s horrible to see and hear especially when sometimes it’s aimed at your kid. For instance, this Sunday my son got megsed (ball went between his legs), very embarrassing for him and since he’s a defender it meant a goal was scored for the opposition (although we won 8-2 at full time). But Jesus the collective sigh of disdain and disgust was painful from parents. Not helped at all by the gobby striker of the team with definite anger issues launching a tirade of verbal against him loud enough for everyone to hear… taking the mick saying he’s useless “what’s he doing with his legs open” etc etc. I find going to these games so bloody stressful. I messaged the coach and asked is my son really doing that badly?! Does he need extra training or a pep talk? Coach was really reassuring saying it’s his first season, some kids on that team have been playing 6+ years, my son is doing just fine and he’s got no problem with his performance. But it doesn’t feel like that when other parents are so vocal and aggressive, honestly some of them stand at the lines screaming and swearing. I find it horrible! Why can’t they find another team if the have a problem with the current one? Is junior football not meant to be about having a good time and learning to take the dogs rough with the smooth, winning and losing graciously? Supporting all the players not chastising them when they f* up? A big part of me wishes me son would just quit so I don’t have to feel sick every Sunday morning dreading all the ways he might get it wrong and be publicly shamed for it. Is it just me? Or are some parents and their kids just dicks?

We’ve done many many sports clubs, including football. The hostility you’ve described is the norm from our experience (we’ve moved and seen it at every junior football club).

My DH always wanted our DS to play football but seeing how supportive his rugby and cricket teams are by comparison, he now says he absolutely hates football for all the negativity it creates.

By comparison, my sons first cricket match, within an experienced and established team, and he got a duck. He was so gutted but as he came off every single one of his team meets came over and patted him on the back and said ‘Don’t worry mate, it happens to all of us’. It made all the difference. Manners are everything.

Parents like this exist in all sort of youth sports, sadly.

I have to add, that our sons rugby team are bloody amazing. We found an inclusive team, and the coaches and parents are fantastic. He is very good at rugby and could move to competitive club but the social connections are as important and we feel like we have a lovely group of supporters around us.

My favourite moment in the whole of the last season was when the ref sent a parent to sit in his car! Wouldn’t carry on the match until he left. It was brilliant

It's horrible. My son has been going for years and I have to stay at home now because I found it so stressful (my husband goes). Even when our own team's parents were horrible to the other side. The parents had arguments between themselves and often the ref gets a mouthful of abuse too. Baring in mind that often the referee's are 16 or 17!

I've heard people knock football and be snobby about it, but then their kids aren't doing any sports and are just sat at home. I know which I'd prefer! So, I wouldn't take the 'anti football' remarks to heart too much. I've been at teen rugby matches and the parents have been just as bad. My other nephew plays cricket and they get insulted too..it's just done in a quieter, more sneaky way.
Girls football is much better, hardly any shouting. My daughter loves it.
Lots of parents at the boys game need to reel it in. Talk to the coach. When I've told my son to ignore the shouty parents, he always says that he doesn't hear them anyway. Most of the lads don't, they just hear noise as they are concentrating on the game. As for other players being little aggressive shits to their own team mates. I'd tell your son that they are just trying to look better than they are themselves and to take no notice. But again, tell the coach it's not on. There are hundreds of parents at our league matches, there's only a few shouty arseholes (as in life 😅)

My kids do loads of different sports (football, swimming, judo, netball, rugby) and football is appalling, the others are not. It’s not snobbiness, it’s just that football seems to attract nasty little scumbags and their parents. Uncomfortable truth!

It becomes more than uncomfortable when your kids get called 'nasty little scumbags' because they love football over rugby/ cricket etc 🙄.
Not all kids who play football are scumbags and most of us parents are able to watch football in a reasonable manner. A lot can't, but please don't tar us all with the same brush. It may be more common in football, but not exclusive to football.

This is sad to read this. We don't have this. I've had ds1 and now ds2 playing football for 15+ years. Not like that though. We cheer them on, "come on Mumsnet united, dig deep / don't let them play like that / come on boys, show them what you're made of". But no nastiness. Very competitive. But no singling anyone out, ever.

If you aren't happy (and I wouldn't be based on what you have described) speak to the club Child Welfare Officer, there must be one if you are in England and you should have their details.

Sadly we’ve found it’s the same with girls’ football too. Less so when they’re very young but as soon as they’re a little older and the team is in a local league. We’ve always tried to be supportive but I was so relieved when our daughter decided she didn’t want to do it anymore.

That sounds awful, my DC played for a girls' team and we found there were huge differences between the teams. That sort of thing would not have been ok at our club, but we played clubs where there was more of a toxic atmsophere, calling the referee the C-word etc. I imagine it's harder to find a friendly club in the boys' game as it means even more to the parents. Argh.

unfortunately it comes with the territory. Bunch of fuckwits.

Nasty little scumbags because they enjoy playing a sport? The boys on my son's team are all lovely, polite lads who like to keep fit and play football. They train 3hrs a week in all weathers, plus gym and a game at the weekends. The coaches are a police officer, NHS worker and an accountant so a fantastic role models for young boys. They are all completely committed to the team and really supportive and encouraging of each other. Really sad to read that they are thought of as scumbags just because they play football.

I’ve seen badly behaved parents at rugby cricket and even swimming, as well as football. Speak to your sons welfare officer and reiterate to the Coach that it’s unacceptable behaviour from certain parents .
Funnily enough the parent who was an idiot didn’t care what sport he was watching his child take part in. He was just as unpleasant at cricket as football.

It’s football parents. Absolutely awful behaviour. Would he try Hockey, Cricket or Rugby instead?

Thanks- but I'm not a fuckwit. Just a parent of two sons who like to play football. Please don't judge people by the sport they like. Fuckwits exist in all walks of life.

Well football attracts arseholes...so there you have it.

I work in grassroots football. OP please reach out to your clubs welfare officer. If the club is well ran and has a positive ethos they should act by observing games and discussing issues with with individuals or addressing parents as a group.

sadly it’s not just boys football. I think football is out most accessible sport and unfortunately the sheer number of participants means there are many many dickheads.

if anything worsens speak to your County FA

I'm afraid some football parents can be horrible. Maybe remind the team's safeguard officer that it's a respect sport and shouting / upsetting/ belittling children falls under the umbrella of the club's welfare/ safeguarding officer.

So I'm a scumbags, fuckwit and an arsehole because my kids like to play football.
Nice.
I also manage to get through a day without name calling and generalising the behaviour of some onto everyone who has the same interests.

I've been through this, similar scenario. The two coaches (and their) wives were the issue. The coaches never said a word to keep peace or show support and civility. The coaches son even chased my younger son to hit him for some reason, but my son after running away initially, turned around and hit him first. Guess what happened next? We're the pariahs, ALL but one of the football team mothers were shouting at my youngest. He was three years younger than the football kid, so my son must have been 7/8 at the time. And just defending himself. But no, my son was "just awful and vile" and "what's wrong with him?!" Like their son was just sitting minding his own business when my son hit the coaches son.
I was watching my other son playing a match when it happened and I'm just grateful one mum came to tell me what was happening. I don't see how she fits in with the other women, she was lovely. One of the mothers is a teacher, with no regard to safe guarding at all as the group of bitches ganged up on my child.

Football parents are grossly egotistical. Their kids likely start playing from birth. Mine was a late starter. At the time he was a black belt in Jujitsu. Their kids weren't. If their kids had joined our club, they would have been welcomed and treated with respect. So yeah, all the football team turned against both my son's, even the one who was playing a match and had nothing to do with it, just in time to start secondary school. It goes without saying the football team are the gobby 'popular' (popular because all their parents are in a massive clique) ones. It's broke my heart seeing my once confident son change.

I wanted to pull him out of football weeks earlier, as soon as I heard the mothers slagging my son off on the sideline. It broke my heart but he was insistent he wanted to play, he enjoyed it. I wish I'd pulled him there and then but in reality, it's those horrible parents who should be more tolerant and supportive of CHILDREN who enjoy playing.

I don't know if it's the same in football, but in rugby, the ref can 'Send off' a rude coach or parent!

God this is just ridiculous, who in their right mind acts like this over kids playing a game 🤦

My 4yo is really in to football and I really hope this sort of thing doesn't happen if she gets in to teams

There are some posters on this thread who I’d be showing a red card. Calling children scumbags because of their choice of sport is very unpleasant.