Friend took advantage of house sitting?

[Champgal]

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

And just do add, yes I’d definitely say something to her about the car since it was illegal.

I’d ask her why she hadn’t asked your permission, and would make it clear she shouldn’t have done it and you’re not happy about it and outline the legal implications of it. And then of course never ask her to house sit again. Even she apologises she’s shown herself to have very poor judgment and a lack of respect for you.

I would be apoplectic over the car. It is staggering to me that they thought this was ok - while emptying the tank in the process.

For those saying the bath bombs and recycling is annoying but ok, I disagree. It is often the smaller things that are properly illustrative of someone's utter lack of respect and caring.

I couldn't remain friends with someone like this and would feel nothing but disdain for her going forward.

OP, you haven't answered pp's question over her age. But it wouldn't excuse her. My 18 year old would never do any of the above.

Should you say something? Really? I'd have lost my sh*t - rude, entitled and massively in the wrong.

Not to mention your car could've been impounded - or written off.

Wow - that certainly ISN'T a friend.

You couldn’t pay me enough to medicate a cat that wasn’t mine

Eh? Why? In most cases it’s just a case of sticking some crushed up tablets in their food isn’t it?

Id do it for free for a friend.

Absolute piss take don’t ask her again. Only mention it if you start feeling resentful if not already

This is peak Cheeky Fucker and one for the ages. Tell her she used your personal toiletries, failed to look after the house, hosted a party and STOLE YOuR CAR and none of it is okay.

She didn’t ask permission for any of it because she is a cheeky fucker.

I agree. This woman has taken the piss and now playing dumb, pretending she didn’t “realise” The catalogue of events is relevant.

Opened a gift pack of bath bombs and used the lot? I didn’t realise she’d mind !

Had a party without asking? I didn’t realise I should ask the homeowner!

Stole her car keys without asking and used her car without paperwork? I didn’t realise this wasn’t allowed !

Used all the petrol and left the tank empty? Let me guess- she didn’t realise!

Of course she realises! She just doesn’t give a fuck.

I see what you mean now.

You did say

"It's driving without insurance that is a criminal offence, not "allowing someone to drive your car without insurance".

Both are offences ,but it would appear the OP has commited neither.

In the event the police become involved, that will ask whether the users had permission to use the car.

If the OP states no, the driver and her partner will get done no insurance and TWOC.

Often on occasions like this, the driver asks the owner to say they did have permission, in which case the TWOC gets dropped and everyone gets done for no insurance.

I have seen this more than a few times.

She is obviously very thick because she won't be insured to drive your car and if she crashed it she would have to pay so much money . Nothing is worth that . I'd be furious with her but then I'd never let anyone stay in my house !

I would defo express my disappointment in tje use of your car. The other stuff I'd just let go. She'll still have bills to pay in her house.

No one is insured to drive someone else's car without the owner's permission regardless of the type of insurance they have.

I’d just focus on the car. It shows such a staggering lack of judgment it beggars belief. she can never stay in your house again or be in any kind of position of responsibility.

Could she have covered the cost of writing off your car and any car she drove into, into the tens or even hundreds of thousands of pounds if she was hit with a personal liability claim?

you need to point out that not only was what she did with you car disrespectful to you (using your expensive belonging and using up petrol) but illegal and foolhardy.

bath bombs and recycling pale into insignificance in the face of this stupidity.

I'd actually be tempted to call her and say you've been mulling all of this over and you've decided that you have no alternative but to report her and her boyfriend's unauthorised use of your car to the police because you have no way of knowing what happened in your car during your absence, whether you might receive a parking fine or a speeding ticket, whether one of them reversed into a parked car and drove off but someone reported the registration number to the police, and if something like that comes to light in a few weeks' time and you try to avoid responsibility on the grounds that you weren't even in the country and the people driving the car were joyriding, you might get into trouble yourself if you didn't proactively report the joyriding to the police.

In fact, it would be entirely legitimate to inform the police precisely for this reason, but either way, if you tell her you're planning to report it to the police for this reason she and her boyfriend will most likely shit themselves.

I wouldn't worry about the friendship. A real friend would never do this. You can never trust her again.

For those saying the bath bombs and recycling is annoying but ok, I disagree. It is often the smaller things that are properly illustrative of someone's utter lack of respect and caring.

Exactly This. The whole ordeal is downright disrespectful!

I used to house sit regularly for a friend who had pets and a nice house when I had a small flat - I would never have used toiletries except in an emergency - like in the shower already, wet hair and had not brought shampoo when there was a bottle right there - and never ever have used her car. As for forgetting the recycling, I always left the house immaculate. I think she is being a CF and you need to let her know these things are not acceptable if she is going to come back. I did have people over from time to time, but after getting permission.

OP, I had friends of friends stay at mine for a month when I went backpacking (as a favour to my friend, as they had been recently flooded). When I came back, it was to a spotless flat (far cleaner than I'd left it), a huge bunch of flowers & some plants, a hot cooked meal & bottle of rum, and my cats had clearly been spoilt with new toys & treats & catnip. They also left me £750, despite me not asking for any money as I'd have paid for a cat sitter anyway. A few days later, a plate arrived, which they'd ordered from Barbados to replace one which had broken while I was away (it had been cracked for ages anyway). That is how you and your property should have been treated - respectfully.

Using the car for driving lessons is an insurance issue and absolutely not on without permission .
Using your bath bombs is also very rude, basic bubble bath, shower gel etc I probably wouldnt mind.
Having a few friends round without checking first is also a bit off but sounds like they respected your home.
Forgetting to put recycling out is easily done so Id let that go.
Tbf shes saved you a lot of money at the cattery and your cat was probably a lot happier too so you have to weigh it up. Pay for cattery or ask her again and hide your bath bombs and car keys!

She isn't a professional cat-sitter. It's not about "satisfactory". It's about not being able to say no. No money has been saved. A neighbour was perfectly willing to feed and look after the cat as neighbours often do. The CF "friend" insisted herself that she should look after the cat primarily because she wanted use of the OP's house and, as it turns out, car.

Most friends who cat and house-sit, and I am one, would not behave like this. The mutual benefit is often having a place to stay instead of having to pay for an Air B & B, and for the friend to have someone there to look after the cat instead of having to get a pro sitter. It's really not an unusual arrangement among good friends. It is unusual to take the piss to this extent.

Stealing your car AND using it to teach a friend to drive is outrageous. That'd be the end of the friendship for me. The laziness of not taking out the bins would annoy me a little but isn't the end of the world. Using all the bath bombs is taking the piss. The party hosting would annoy me too as it's without permission.
I don't know how I'd address this other than cutting her off.

I agree. I love sitting for my friends – it's a lovely house and garden and a nice change of scene, and I adore their cat. Plus I usually see them at one or both ends of my stint, so it's time spent with friends as well as a 'job'.
Getting paid a small daily amount is a nice bonus, that's all – and unexpected; I said yes to sitting the first time before they'd told me they'd pay me.

OP, I take it when she’s house sat for you in the past there’ve been no issues (or none that you know of). Have things changed in your friendship since then?

For me, it would depend on how she reacts if you confront her (you’re within your rights to do so). If she minimises things etc then your friendship is probably damaged anyway, despite you saying you don’t want to lose the friendship.

You can’t really trust her in future to house sit or cat sit as a favour to you for both and also giving her a break etc from her flat.

The car thing and the fact she didn't see what the problem is (she broke the law, then brushed it off as "I'll cover all costs" - has she got a couple of mil lying around in case she runs someone down???) would be a dealbreaker for me.

Surely your car insurance would not cover an unnamed, learner driver?

That is the most serious thing here.

She sounds completely irresponsible.

She obviously doesn't understand any of the implications about the car (driving while uninsured/ without permission, the cost of repairs, the wait times for spare parts if they're even available, the cost of hire cars & difficulty getting them etc. plus the stress & inconvenience to you).

If you want to keep the friendship, just never let her house-sit again & make sure she doesn't have a set of your keys.

Some people are insured to drive other people's car's.

@Waffle78 No.

Not a learner driver!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe someone with a full licence, and then the insurance is just fire and theft, not 3rd party.