Friend took advantage of house sitting?

[Champgal]

I recently went away for a few weeks and a friend of mine and her partner stayed at the house to give my cat his daily medication he needs. Friend always likes to stay over as she lives in a small single bed flat with her partner and I live in a 3 bed house with garden so she says it’s like staying in a nice air bnb for a while. While it’s a nice favour that she looks after the cat, I returned to find that my car keys weren’t where I left them. I asked her about this and she said she used the car for a friend to give her some driving lessons in. This was never discusses and I also found the tank to be almost empty considering I left it with half a tank. I also found out from another friend that she hosted small get together a with friends. Though nothing was broken or got out of hand, I can’t help feel that it’s taking the piss a little. All my bath bombs I got in a set for my birthday were used and she had also forgot to take the recycling out for three weeks and the bin was overflowing, resulting in an awful smell when we came home. Should I say something? Or do I just ask someone else next time and not mention it? Or am I just being fussy and should I just be thankful for the help.

The only thing I'd have a real issue with is the car. She broke the law and it's a massive no no. I'd be annoyed at the recycling but not fussed about the rest

So he didn’t even have a car and of course no insurance, that’s even worse. At least if he had insurance he could possibly have been covered for driving another car that’s wasn’t his own third party cover but only if his policy allowed that.

Mine covers me 3rd party for driving other people's cars but with the hopefully obvious proviso that the other owner has given me permission to drive it.

Which would only have worked IF the boyfriend was driving.

Imaginary permission and imaginary insurance.... but the wrong person actually driving.

YABU for even needing to ask whether you are YANBU

Shes taken the piss and sounds like a fucking awful house sitter. I'd be getting the neighbour in next time.

So two uninsured drivers took your car out and only one of them has a licence but the other is a learner.

Have they ANY idea of the consequences for them if they had been in an accident or injured someone?

Imprisonment, fines of millions if they were sued for personal damages, banned from driving....and YOU may have been held to account too unless it was pursued as stealing your car/joy riding.

How old are these idiots @Champgal

@myBumJuiceSmellsLikeRoses The boyfriend wasn't insured at all. He has passed his test and has a licence. no car and no insurance.

Yes I know, I was quoting someone else.

Hence the reason I mentioned "imaginary" insurance. As in, there was none.

This isn't remotely in the realms of "going a bit far". This is her taking full advantage of the opportunity to commit criminal offences. What kind of person does that to a friend?

I could forgive everything, apart from the car. What would have happened if she'd had an accident?

Both her, AND her partner would be in massive amounts of shit. Uninsured, unlicensed, in a car that is basically stolen.

Why are you complaining on Mumsnet and asking if you are being unfair, if you aren’t going to take the advice most have given you? She is a complete piss taker and you are just going to lie down and let her away with everything she has done.

If she had an accident in your car, she could have completely written it off. Would she have the money (don’t know if it’s worth a lot or not), to pay you for another one? Plus, more importantly, what if she had seriously injured or even killed someone? Are you sure she would own up to taking the car without permission, in a situation like this?

Forget about the hypotheticals, look at worse case scenarios and get rid of this complete waste of space. You must be really really desperate for friends, if you want to keep her as one!

The issue is responsibility. Your friend's is lacking. You are responsible for the house, car, contents and have to consider implications for your house insurance of leaving the house unoccupied or having someone staying while you are away. Check the policy terms and conditions and any explanatory literature.

Is the neighbour a good sensible sort generally? Are you friends or known well enough over a period of time, to trust to be reliable, enter your home, not take liberties and not forget to feed the cat or lock the door on leaving and look after the keys? This could be a mutual arrangement so that you look after the house when neighbour goes away or, if not, bring back a souvenir backed up with a gift voucher for a decent amount each time. Otherwise you still have the option of a cat- or house-sitting service.

Explain your responsibilities for the house, car etc to your casual taker friend or say nothing and just don't have her to sit again. Make no apology for that. The bonds of friendship - shared affection, dependence and trust - have already been frayed. A lost friend may be a loss forever that is felt deeply but can it be avoided when the friendship has been eroded?

Taking the car with out permission or insurance is theft. That's a total piss take. There is no excuse for anyone to ever drive without insurance, you can buy car insurance by the hour so it's easy to get cover (with the owners permission obviously) thinking that they would pay for the damage in the event of an accident is incredibly naive as to the potential cost of an accident claim, not just in damage to cars but injuries and death never mind the legal implications of driving uninsured.
I wouldn't want to stay friends with someone who was that stupid.

I wouldn't say anything at this point but I'd never leave her alone in my house again. And if she asked why, or angled for a return visit, I'd tell her.

The whole thing is a piss take and I just wouldn’t have her stay again, the car thing is actually the worst imo, I’d have said straight away that insurance wise that put you in a really bad position and you wouldn’t chose for your car to be used for someone to learn in

I bet you OP if she has had an accident or god forbid injured or killed somebody she would have sworn you gave her permission to use your car . She has no respect for you .

I’d actually put money on them borrowing your car with him driving rather than him giving her lessons.

However, assuming they are telling the truth, I’d still be furious.

A learner trying to find gears will damage the gearbox. That’s why driving instructors need to have them repaired more often than everyone else. Sure, a lot of it is cumulative but she doesn’t know that. Especially if she doesn’t know how car insurance works.

I’d be telling them that they owed me a new gearbox just because I’d want to see her head explode trying to work her way out it. (To be clear, I don’t think she does owe you a new gearbox. Unless you have any issues that weren’t there before?)

Also, regarding insurance, we are all assuming you are in the UK since Mumsnet is predominantly a British site but for those that don’t know, car insurance does work differently in different countries. In Australia, I can have learners in my car without them being named on the insurance and I would be fully covered albeit with a slightly higher excess. That covers damage done if I gave the keys or if they stole it. I would have to be clear with the insurance company about which applies though

Apart from the car issue, 2hich sounds dodgy I think you are being massively unreasonable. Are you aware of how much it costs to pay for a pet sitter or a cattery for a few weeks? because it would be a lot more than bath bombs and some wine.

I find it really sad and disappointing when you are doing someone a favour and they have the cheek to criticise you for helping yourself to a few bits and Bob's (excluding the car issue)

Did you read the thread?

OP's friend offers, because she gets to save on bills at her place for three weeks, bigger place, more amenities and closer to work.

OP has a neighbour who would happily feed and medicate cat, but OP's friend wants to stay and asks to stay.

So how much it costs to pay a cat sitter is absolutely irrelevant here as a live in cat sitter is not required.

Would be annoyed about the bins, that's for sure. Maybe the car. Everything else is fine as I'm assuming you told her to use it as her house? She is fine to have some people over or use some of the stuff.

I would not say anything further but next time you go away ask the neighbour to feed the cats. Hopefully your friend will let it go/doesn't find out but if she presses you for reasons you can explain why the arrangement no longer suits you.

If I’m house sitting for a friend I would never

Open a gift set of toiletries in the bathroom and use the lot

Have a party without asking

Chuck food covered containers into the recycling

”Forget” to put the bins out for 3 weeks and then not mention it or even apologise

(No matter how much I thought the homeowner “owed me”) Its basic manners.

Surely taking a car without permission is theft?
Just out of interest why don't you want to lose her as a friend?
If she can't accept that taking your car without consent or insurance is unacceptable, it makes me wonder what else she may have done/considered.

I house sat for my sister for a whole month recently, not only did I make sure the bins went out on the right day but I gardened and deep cleaned before I left also. Would never have moved her car without permission (and I have a full clean driving licence) and also wouldn't have used her bath bombs. I very much took the stance of leave it as I found it, with the exception of a couple tins of her beans that I ate that she insisted I didn't need to replace.

Well exactly @ZigZagIntoTheBlue I can only wonder how the posters who say “well apart from the car theft..it’s fine” carry on in other people’s homes

Nicely explained. I’ve said upthread I don’t know why so many people are embarrassing themselves by whittling on about the cost of boarding when OP clearly stated that was not her only free option and it was the friend who insisted on the arrangement.

and btw @Concannon88 the car issue is not just “dodgy” it was downright illegal.