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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Driver regretting offering lifts to non driver

162 replies

Billie0900 · 26/09/2023 22:09

I have a new-ish friend of 2 years who I met through our sons making friends at nursery.

I can't drive (for a medical reason) and she does but it has never been an issue until now.

Just before the summer holidays started she enrolled her DS in a martial arts club once per week on a thursday afternoon just around the corner from where they live (which is quite a way from us) and was keen for me to enroll DS as it was something he'd enjoy too.

I was reluctant as it starts at 4pm and I knew I'd have to take him straight from school via two busses once school resumed. The group only lasts 45 minutes and if you're more than 10 minutes late you can't come in so it just didn't seem feasible for us. I said I'd think about the logistics then decided not to go ahead.

That's when she (very kindly) offered to pick us up from school after she's picked up her DS and have us ride with her. Her DS school is a 5 minute drive from my DS school. I didn't like the idea of being reliant on her for transport and said that but she insisted it wasn't a problem and that her DS would be so happy if my DS came along so I reluctantly accepted and said I'd contribute to petrol.

Very long story short it has become obvious that picking us up is a hindrance which is exactly what I was worried about and why I was reluctant to accept the offer in the first place.

For the last two weeks she (understandably) asked if we can make our own way there. The first time was a nightmare, I ordered an uber which cancelled so we jumped on the bus and then the bus terminated 5 minutes down the road and kicked everyone off. There was no way we were going to make it so I had to cancel.

Last week we got there just short of the 10 minute 'too late' cut off point due to the after school traffic. It just doesn't work.

I think the whole thing has left a bit of a bad taste for both of us. DS is now fully invested in the group will be upset when I inevitably have to bring it to an end but it is what it is.

I mean, I know drivers must find non drivers annoying when asked for lifts and that's exactly why I never have (or ever would of) asked or expected her to ferry us about. It didn't even occur to me as an option until.

AIBU to think she shouldn't have insisted?

OP posts:

Codlingmoths · 29/09/2023 04:35

Convenience? Do you tell drunks to just drive themselves home for convenience? The op can’t drive as she has a medical condition and might have seizures. She might kill herself, her ds and other travellers or pedestrians. Which part of that sounds convenient to you?

Codlingmoths · 29/09/2023 04:37

And people are going on about your comment because you kept going after being told she can’t drive for medical conditions. And instead of saying sorry all, obviously driving brings convenience is totally inapplicable here, you have come back with more rubbish. It’s not your fault she can’t drive, but I think it must be your fault you don’t have much reading comprehension or the ability to retract silly things you’ve said.

OlizraWiteomQua · 29/09/2023 05:33

She's a total user, pressured you into signing up for something that really didn't work for you because it was helpful to her, and now dropping you in the poo with a huge burden of complicated transport now she doesn't need you. She's treated you really shabbily. She's not your friend.

Don't fork out for taxis, find a different club for your DS somewhere nearby. Tell her you won't be coming on the holiday but she can keep the £90 of your first 3 instalments so as to be able to offer the place at a discount to one of her new friends so she won't be out of pocket. Have nothing further to do with her.

CherryMaDeara · 29/09/2023 06:34

anonymousxoxo · 28/09/2023 21:58

Did I stutter?

Show quote history

No, you just didn’t RTFT.

YerArseInParsley · 29/09/2023 07:31

I agree with all that's been said already, yous have been used. I would urge you to stop being so soft and pressured into things. If you can't think of a reason to say no on the spot then just say I'll think about it and get back to you, it's much easier for someone that's not really assertive to say no in a text than it is face to face.

Look for another similar club closer to home, explain to your son that its not doable. I wouldn't bother mentioning it to the other mum. See if she bothers to message and ask you why yous didn't turn up for the class, that will tell you if she's bothered or not. If she does ask why yous didn't turn up just say its getting too much for you and yous need to withdraw.

Learn to say no!

anonymousxoxo · 29/09/2023 08:47

CherryMaDeara · 29/09/2023 06:34

No, you just didn’t RTFT.

Edited

Show quote history

It’s been a whole day, move on and get a hobby.

pineapplecrushed · 29/09/2023 10:03

basically she was happy to do this because it benefited her and her son, now that she has other friends going she wants to dump you. Not a very nice person.

agonyau · 29/09/2023 11:14

There are ‘user’ mums like this in every school playground, full of enthusiasm for your child & your company when it’s convenient but happy to drop you both at a moment’s notice when it’s not or they can’t be arsed!
I thought I was friends with a mum like this who often asked me famous in picking up her daughter from after school clubs for a few years but I was constantly being let down by her unreliable behaviour in return, and finally I lost my rag with her when her 9 year old daughter was really unpleasant to mine one day but the mum refused to acknowledge any blame on her daughter’s behalf, so after that both my daughter & I kept our distance. So glad those primary school days are behind us! 😅

elessar · 29/09/2023 13:18

T1Dmama · 29/09/2023 00:34

So you’ve paid £60 already towards the holiday? I’d simply pull out now and tell her to keep that £60 towards the cancellation fee/admin fee. And I wouldn’t bother paying her a penny more.. or talking to her again actually.. she can just invite someone else

This. She's not a friend, and the holiday would be a disaster. Best to pull out now.

Goldfish41 · 29/09/2023 14:40

Billie0900 · 26/09/2023 22:31

This is pretty much exactly what I think too. I was reluctant to say as much in the OP as I was worried I'd sound bitter for my observations.

Show quote history

Yes, sounds like this exactly. A pretty rubbish way to treat you and your son and I’d be quite cross about the impact on your DS.

ellyeth · 29/09/2023 22:57

She sounds horrible. You didn't ask, she insisted - but now she is making you feel uncomfortable.

It's a great shame but I think you should pull out of these classes - and I would steer clear of this person. She is no friend.

Takeabreather23 · 01/10/2023 09:46

I only had to read the start of your post to know what “friends” agenda was and how it would end.
From the start she offered your son the lift untill her son was settled then she dropped you . ( you were used )

Now your son likes the class and your stuck with this nightmare logistical problem .

It’s sad but sounds like you will
have to take your Ds out. Unless you could speak to the instructor explain the situation they may know someone who can give you a lift from your area .

She’s not a friend , maybe best to distance yourself .

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