Driver regretting offering lifts to non driver

[Billie0900]

I have a new-ish friend of 2 years who I met through our sons making friends at nursery.

I can't drive (for a medical reason) and she does but it has never been an issue until now.

Just before the summer holidays started she enrolled her DS in a martial arts club once per week on a thursday afternoon just around the corner from where they live (which is quite a way from us) and was keen for me to enroll DS as it was something he'd enjoy too.

I was reluctant as it starts at 4pm and I knew I'd have to take him straight from school via two busses once school resumed. The group only lasts 45 minutes and if you're more than 10 minutes late you can't come in so it just didn't seem feasible for us. I said I'd think about the logistics then decided not to go ahead.

That's when she (very kindly) offered to pick us up from school after she's picked up her DS and have us ride with her. Her DS school is a 5 minute drive from my DS school. I didn't like the idea of being reliant on her for transport and said that but she insisted it wasn't a problem and that her DS would be so happy if my DS came along so I reluctantly accepted and said I'd contribute to petrol.

Very long story short it has become obvious that picking us up is a hindrance which is exactly what I was worried about and why I was reluctant to accept the offer in the first place.

For the last two weeks she (understandably) asked if we can make our own way there. The first time was a nightmare, I ordered an uber which cancelled so we jumped on the bus and then the bus terminated 5 minutes down the road and kicked everyone off. There was no way we were going to make it so I had to cancel.

Last week we got there just short of the 10 minute 'too late' cut off point due to the after school traffic. It just doesn't work.

I think the whole thing has left a bit of a bad taste for both of us. DS is now fully invested in the group will be upset when I inevitably have to bring it to an end but it is what it is.

I mean, I know drivers must find non drivers annoying when asked for lifts and that's exactly why I never have (or ever would of) asked or expected her to ferry us about. It didn't even occur to me as an option until.

AIBU to think she shouldn't have insisted?

Your comprehension skills are lacking. I was explaining my small car comment which you said was smug and patronising. I don’t understand why you’re replying to my posts.. Anyway, I’m done.

Just read the room next time and don’t tell someone with epilepsy to Get a small car.
It was a daft comment which I pulled you up on.

You really should work on your spelling and grammar.

Thanks 😂 I’m happy to move on now.

I apologise for calling you smug about your little car 😉

Lol, smug isn't pointing out car brings out convenience and smug isn't stating a small car is practical and easy to park. Majority of people when they pass are suggested to buy a small banger..

It's also not smug for the other Mum to prioritise her child and take him places where she can with her said car.

She was trying to be nice to OP, but its become a headache hence why she is stopping.

Things like this never workout long term.

OP has a medical reason for not driving. How does small car get around that?

I'm not repeating myself, read my other posts.

I have read your other posts and I can't see where you addressed that.

Maybe she thinks that “a small car” will only cause “a small crash” if the OP has a seizure behind the wheel….

Anonymousxoxo, you can stop digging now. Just give it a rest.

Okay, at the end of the day it's not my fault OP cannot drive which restricts her son doing activities.

Again, at the end of the day it's not my fault OP cannot drive which restricts her son doing activities. Simply bitter..

Very rural limited perspective

Okay.........

I think she's a user. She was happy to do you a 'favour' when there was something in it for her, but now other friends have come along she's finding it inconvenient.
If you offer something you stick to it.
Just find your DS a class nearer home.

@anonymousxoxo the OP can not drive at all. Not a SUV, not a small car, not even a tiny car. She is prone to seizures. I don't understand why you keep going anout how practical a car is. We all know that.

OP, I had a license but now cannot drive so I'm reliant on Uber or my local, awful public transport. It's very tricky with young children. It does sound like she wanted your son to keep her son company and now that a better offer has come around she's ditched you. I hope you can find something closer to home for your son.

It’s literally been hours and people are going on about the same thing like a parrot lol take up a hobby!

This is why you should read the thread before commenting anonymous

You didn't ask for lifts, she insisted, now she wants to back our as it doesn't suit her. That's OK but I'd back off all contacts as you are doing.
I don't think you were irresponsible accepting her offer, at the time she seemed like she was being a good friend, but know you know it's one sided, time to beat the retreat and find other friends for you both.

BTW, only half read thread, but ignore numpties who say 'get a car' they are the dim ones not understanding why medical reasons prevent you driving.

Did I stutter?

I feel for you! You explained to her that you felt it wouldn’t work - she insisted and now YOUR child is upset and disappointed.

Hindsight’s 20-20 vision. You could have stuck to your guns; your gut instincts were right. If you’re lucky, you will have stressed to you child, at the time, if this lady changed her mind, YOUR child would be the disappointed one!

I feel for you and you absolutely are NOT being unreasonable!

Wow how nasty of her to drop you and your son like this.
Is there a club he can do closer to home? Or maybe an after school club he may enjoy? I feel so sad for you both.
I’d be tempted to tell her that you can’t get him there anymore which is why you hadn’t wanted him to go because now he’s upset!
what a cow… she’s no friend.. I hope he makes some nice new ones at school that he can do fun things with

So you’ve paid £60 already towards the holiday? I’d simply pull out now and tell her to keep that £60 towards the cancellation fee/admin fee. And I wouldn’t bother paying her a penny more.. or talking to her again actually.. she can just invite someone else

Pull your son out and find something for him to do more locally to either his s hool or where you live.

She really shouldn’t have offered to drive your son there, then reneged. Maybe you ought not to have felt pressured into sending your son to the activity, but regardless of this, she has gone back on an offer and that’s not right.
I wonder if any of the other parents have kids at your son’s school and would be willing to give him a lift? It would need to be someone you trust (I don’t know how old your son is but obviously I’m guessing you don’t need to accompany him if he’s getting a lift.)
Alternative: could you maybe put a notice up at your son’s school asking if there is any interest in having this activity as an after a school thing? If enough are interested you could organise an instructor to come and run a class at the school (or maybe the school would organise it?)