I just wanted to come back on here and say something similar.
Greta Thunberg famously said that her autism is her super power. However frustrating ADHD is, there are also aspects of it that are actually a super power, although sometimes when you are parenting and scaffolding it can be very hard to see that.
I have a slightly different perspective, because while I have two DC with ADHD (DS2 and DD who is even younger), they are my "normal" DC- because DS1 has complex special needs, a life limiting condition that meant he wasn't expected to reach adulthood (he is now 22 and in a nursing home, fully wheelchair bound, frequent epileptic fitting, functions at the level of at most a 3-5 month baby). ADHD kids can go on to be high achieving, able and enormously productive and the difference between the life experiences of DS1 in and out of hospital and my younger DC is huge. On that spectrum, ADHD does feel so much closer to normality.
DS2 is now at university, managing a very demanding course (medicine), while acting in and directing student theatre, heavily involved in student politics, working (being paid) on an hourly basis in a quasi managerial role for one charity and volunteering for another - all out of this extraordinarily high octaine energy that causes so many issues when he was a kid. Hyperactivity and hyper focus, if it can finally be harnessed, can turn into the most incredible force of nature - and I am not saying it is easy, I was lucky with DS2 that he tends to be fascinated by anything academic - which at least meant that so long as the teacher was knowledgeable and interested in their subject, it was hard for them not to be charmed by a kid who was literally jumping out of his chair in excitement due to what they were teaching him (just so long as they managed him and allowed the rest of the class to get a word in edgeways, he would answer every question if he could). With the teachers that were less engaged though, we had constant detentions for disruption and calling out (singing and dancing sometimes (sigh)) until he started taking some responsibility (he started talking to the teachers about where to sit him so he didn't get distracted and explaining what he needed as he got a bit more mature). The higher up the school, the better it got, as he got more dedicated teachers and his own ability to manage himself improved.
Harder at this point to see the super power nature of DD's inattentive ADHD, but I am convinced it is there. The approach I confess I have taken over the years (and maybe that is due to having DS1 who has always and will always need everything done for him, dressing, nappy changing, hoisting, bathing etc), but I took the attitude that I would do things for the other two DC until they told me they were ready to take on the responsibility - which they both did when they were ready. Step by step. That meant that I dressed DD in the morning until long after her peers were dressing themselves (and allowed a couple of hours in the evening so we could get her dressing herself, allowing multiple lack of focus periods). Then gradually we moved to - me just dressing the top half and putting knickers and tights in the toilet so she did the bottom half. Then leaving her clothes on the end of her bed the night before, then getting her to leave her clothes on the end of her bed the night before (this is even with a uniform, that should be so easy). Similarly with the bag packing. Always done the night before, but I did it for years after her peers were taking responsibilty, and then gradually, gradually stepped back, doing it with her, then at a later stage checking after she went to bed and adding in what she had forgotten, until that wasn't necessary any more. It is only now, in sixth form, that she has started telling me - "I can make my own lunch Mum", which she can, and while occasionally as she walks out the door I run down the list of (keys, phone, lanyard, oyster card, laptop, bag), it is not like it was. But doing it this way allowed us to prioritise working on the things that might make her look too different from her peers - so that, for example, around here all the secondary students catch the bus to school, and so when she went into Year 7, we practiced and practiced in the summer so that she could too, despite me being terrified she was going to get lost, because her peers didn't need to know about the secret help she was getting at home, but she needed to be able to manage the bus, in front of them. Knowing that she had all her equipment in her bag (at least at the beginning of the day) - and me having multiple (calculators, rulers, pencils, pens, pencil cases, water bottles, you name it) upstairs meant that she had a better chance of trying to deal with the overwhelming complexity of changing classes for different subjects, and going to different rooms (it took her years and years to no longer get lost in both primary and high school, even though they are really both small schools and not very difficult). She helped out at prospective parent/teacher this year, and took DC on tours of the school - given what she was like at Year 7, that is amazing, she knows her way around, and she can catch buses and now trains and use google maps and she doesn't get lost anymore, but it has been a long, hard journey. And I took the view that she didn't need to have to worry about whether she had the right equipment when she finally got to class, she couldn't have managed both in Year 7 (it was bad enough to remember to pack it up from the previous class, but at least it was in school somewhere if I had made sure it was in the bag).
But if you manage it like that - it really does get better. As they are ready, they take on more things, they really do tell you that they don't need you as much any more. That has been my experience anyway. Just ignore what DC are "supposed" to be doing at this age, and let them tell you when they are actually ready to be able to do it. And let them step forward inch by inch when they are ready. Prioritise those aspects that might mean they might be ridiculed by their peers. As that really doesn't help. It is a lot of work, but in the end much easier than trying to fight the impossible (and does mean you have more of a fighting chance of getting out on time).