To think it is actually mostly men?

[Nolpp]

Maybe I didn’t get the memo in the past but in the last year or so I’ve been so bitterly disappointed by make behaviour. I look back and wonder if it was always this way but I’m only just noticing. I think part of it is I recently became a single parent and so I’ve had more dealings with men than I would usually, as I’ve had to speak to insurance companies, take car for MOT etc. Obviously I did some of these things before and I know women also work in these places but overall I am having more interaction with men.

Examples…

Driving. Whenever a car is right up behind me it is ALWAYS a man driving. I drive at the speed limit, not under, so presumably they think speed limits don’t apply to them.

I recently donated to a sponsorship for cancer research, an old school friend, quite literally not spoken in over two decades. He then messaged me to thank me for the donation and followed it up with a question about sex and positions he can do after his surgery. Why would anyone think that’s ok?

A colleague, well respected in his industry, tells me when drunk on a night out that he wishes all women conformed to the way of the 50s and stayed at home. He wasn’t joking.

In Sainsbury’s a week ago, a man grabbed my arse in a queue, I was shocked and stepped to one side, didn’t know what to do and said get the fuck away from me. I was next up for the till and the man behind the till said he does it to everyone !!! What the actual fuck? He did follow up to say they had tried to ban him from the shop. I cried in the car afterwards, it was awful.

Waiting for the baby changing unit in Mc Donnalds. A man eventually emerges, mutters sorry but he couldn’t wait, and looked sheepish. He wasn’t unwell, he was downing a Mc flurry when I came out.

Around 7 years ago I used to date someone who had recently got a job as a Judge in the family courts. He was very young to have got this job and in part it was to do with his father being a judge in the same court. Anyway one day we were talking about how money is worked out in a divorce and he said ‘it’s disgusting, women expect to be paid out after staying at home doing nothing with kids for fifteen years, so rather than getting a job of their own they steal the x husband’s pension.’ I am ashamed to say I laughed and agreed with him. I had a good job with no interest in giving it up so I felt I was compatible with this man who I now see was a bit of a monster.

I honestly feel like men make up the bulk of shit behaviour. It probably sounds dramatic but I actually feel sad about it, genuinely sad. And embarrassed that it’s taken me until this late in life to see it.

Yes, I know it’s not all men.

Rant over.

Even a year ago I would've disagreed with you (I've had a very naive and sheltered life) but with all the stuff coming out about so many men, and other women giving their experiences I have to agree.

I also went down a rabbit hole with the incel thing trying to understand all that (as if it makes sense!) and found out how many men genuinely hate women and don't wanna spend any time with them. They just want us for sex, and then actually have the gall to moan about being lonely! Oh yeh sex alone will cure that I'm sure.

I think one of the most frustrating things is they don't want any advice from women at all (that probably goes for most men) about how to attract women or date etc. They want to tell us we want the arseholes and not the "nice guys" like them. I think I will stay single tbh.

Black men are over-represented in jail. Do we write them off as irredeemably bad or do we ask how that situation has arisen, try to understand them as people and work towards a situation where it doesn’t need to be that way?

Do even 0.5% of policemen kidnap and murder women? It's not quite the same as misogyny.

Someone's opinion differs from yours so you ask them what is wrong with them ?

I dare you to go into work tomorrow and proclaim you don't like Pakistanis and 'don't need to justify your dislike or distrust of them'.

Maybe say a relative was groomed by a paedophile ring or killed by a Muslim woman in a suicide vest while on holiday.

I'm sure everybody will be totally understanding.

same here. It’s so wearying to be around men who carry on as though they are superior. When I was younger I kind of went along with it but now I just can’t.

I can’t name a single couple of my acquaintance who equally share housework etc. or where the man doesn’t think of himself as somehow being in charge. The households seem to revolve around him. I just couldn’t live that way.

Um, all the crime statistics ever.

According to the Office of National Statistics they're 'over represented at every stage of the criminal justice system'.

I have a vast amount of horrific male behaviour stories, but here's just one.

Driving to work down a narrow country lane I pull over at the widest part of the road and stopped to let a man in a small van past, plenty of room.

As he went past he wound his window down and yelled 'you fucking cunt!' at full volume in my face, then he drove off.

It was 8am. I was so shook up. I cried out of anger and frustration at my total lack of ability to retaliate when I got to work.

Not me.

A million years ago I was working for a firm and the female CEO visited from America. I remember how amazing it was for me, a young woman to see her and have all the men kind of running around after her. And she was so lovely to me. It was a relief after being around those arrogant bunch of sexist bastards.

Wayne Couzens and David Carrick are a dime a dozen in every single police force in the country!

Ok, so list me a copper from every single police force in the country that has kidnapped and murdered a woman.

Things like this genuinely makes me terrified of parenting my sons wrong. I am raising them to be polite, respectful, helpful individuals who treat women and men equally, always pull their weight, and seek consent for any kind of contact. They're very young and seem to be good boys.

But it is so worrying that one day they may not be.

I honestly don't see this.

Also, none of my female friends think men are like this.

I'm respected at work. I like all of my male friends and they treat their partners well.

I may be just lucky that as I've got older I've filtered all the idiots out.

The only time I've had an argument in the last year is on here.

87% of violent crimes from 51% of the population is less than 2:1

If another part of the population was about 1.5% while committing about 12% of the violent crimes (that's 8:1), then presumably you'd have no choice but to fear and distrust those people.

Am I about right?

You're in the minority. Read the below thread. Btw the OP means 'prefer working for male bosses' but typed 'female' in the opening post.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/3080265-Women-prefer-working-for-male-bosses

My MIL did a good job so hopefully we will have done the same with our Sons.

Do you know how long it took for women to be accepted into firefighters training? Yes they are "allowed" now. But had been stopped from even applying!

It is not opinion. They stated that blacks people are more violent and I asked for the evidence.

The key word here is "men".

Many years ago when my daughter was studying for A-levels and beginning to understand what shits men can be, and developing her idea that men can get in the bin until they can prove their worthiness, we had many discussions about not are they shits, but why are they?

Is it nature or nurture, or nature predisposing and nurture bringing it out? By nurture I don't mean parents, I mean socialisation as a whole.

We came to that the obvious risk factor in it all is power - men obviously have two sorts- physical power and societal, patriarchal, power. The concept being that power corrupts, even small amounts, and that can be shown wherever one human has power over another - I've worked in care for nearly 4 decades, and the horrendous things carers who have power over those they care for do, is both shocking, but continuous and unrelenting.

And the thing is that women carers are just as likely to abuse, mistreat, batter, neglect, steal from, control, as male carers. (They're less likely to sexually abuse). The problem is unfettered power and little risk of consequence.

My daughter's position was that the solution, aside from imprisoning all boys at 16, was to reduce men's power in society and increase the consequences when they abuse it. Problem is that men are in charge and appear little concerned to do anything about it, and those women that do rise up - Thatcher, Braverman, Patel, Truss appear to equally not be concerned by such 'woke' ideas such as the damaging effects of the patriarchy.

The depressing thing is that nothing has ever really changed, "new-men" were mostly a myth, and temporary at best, sexism may be called out more in some circles, but then the Tate's of this world still garner huge support.

It's clearly not all men, but the amount of men that are doesn't seem to be reducing.

People of a certain colour or religion don't make up 50% of the population, nor do they commit the majority of violent and sexual crimes.

David Carrick never murdered anyone. He did rape over 20 women though. Rape being the common denominator here.

Some excerpts from the linked thread....

Women dislike having a female boss at work even more than men do, a new study has revealed.

Nearly 40 per cent of female workers in America would rather be led by a man, a Gallup survey found.

In contrast, just 26 per cent of men would prefer a male boss.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2797279/women-dislike-having-female-boss-workplace-men-study-finds.html

CBS Local — A survey by MSN found that both men and women prefer to work with men rather than women in the workplace. The survey is believed to be as accurate as a scientific poll. Nearly 500,000 people supplied answers.

MSN found that 20 percent of men and 21 percent of women preferred to work with men, compared to just 6 percent of each men and women preferring to work with women.

minnesota.cbslocal.com/2017/08/04/men-women-work-study/amp/

A study found two women are less likely to cooperate than two men when one is more powerful than the other.

Similarly, two females of different rank are less likely to work together than a man and a woman.

The finding contradicts the widely held belief that women’s nurturing nature makes it natural for them to help each other out, while men are too competitive to have time for each other.

Harvard University researcher Joyce Benenson, one of the study’s authors, said that women’s instinctive distrust of females in power may make it more difficult for them to scale the career ladder.

www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2572235/Women-HATE-office-Females-operate-better-male-bosses-study-finds.html

Black people or black men?

The patriarchy might actually be the result of men's congeniality and women's inability to get on with each other. 🤔

People.