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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it is actually mostly men?

1000 replies

Nolpp · 26/09/2023 18:48

Maybe I didn’t get the memo in the past but in the last year or so I’ve been so bitterly disappointed by make behaviour. I look back and wonder if it was always this way but I’m only just noticing. I think part of it is I recently became a single parent and so I’ve had more dealings with men than I would usually, as I’ve had to speak to insurance companies, take car for MOT etc. Obviously I did some of these things before and I know women also work in these places but overall I am having more interaction with men.

Examples…

Driving. Whenever a car is right up behind me it is ALWAYS a man driving. I drive at the speed limit, not under, so presumably they think speed limits don’t apply to them.

I recently donated to a sponsorship for cancer research, an old school friend, quite literally not spoken in over two decades. He then messaged me to thank me for the donation and followed it up with a question about sex and positions he can do after his surgery. Why would anyone think that’s ok?

A colleague, well respected in his industry, tells me when drunk on a night out that he wishes all women conformed to the way of the 50s and stayed at home. He wasn’t joking.

In Sainsbury’s a week ago, a man grabbed my arse in a queue, I was shocked and stepped to one side, didn’t know what to do and said get the fuck away from me. I was next up for the till and the man behind the till said he does it to everyone !!! What the actual fuck? He did follow up to say they had tried to ban him from the shop. I cried in the car afterwards, it was awful.

Waiting for the baby changing unit in Mc Donnalds. A man eventually emerges, mutters sorry but he couldn’t wait, and looked sheepish. He wasn’t unwell, he was downing a Mc flurry when I came out.

Around 7 years ago I used to date someone who had recently got a job as a Judge in the family courts. He was very young to have got this job and in part it was to do with his father being a judge in the same court. Anyway one day we were talking about how money is worked out in a divorce and he said ‘it’s disgusting, women expect to be paid out after staying at home doing nothing with kids for fifteen years, so rather than getting a job of their own they steal the x husband’s pension.’ I am ashamed to say I laughed and agreed with him. I had a good job with no interest in giving it up so I felt I was compatible with this man who I now see was a bit of a monster.

I honestly feel like men make up the bulk of shit behaviour. It probably sounds dramatic but I actually feel sad about it, genuinely sad. And embarrassed that it’s taken me until this late in life to see it.

Yes, I know it’s not all men.

Rant over.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
BasicDad · 26/09/2023 23:26

Men do make up the bulk of shit behaviour. 100%

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:27

VeronicaSawyer89 · 26/09/2023 23:18

People of a certain colour or religion don't make up 50% of the population, nor do they commit the majority of violent and sexual crimes.

Can I hate POC for committing the biggest mass sexual assault of recent times - 1200 women assaulted on one NYE by 'dark skinned/North African men'?

Or can I only discriminate by sex?

VeronicaSawyer89 · 26/09/2023 23:29

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:27

Can I hate POC for committing the biggest mass sexual assault of recent times - 1200 women assaulted on one NYE by 'dark skinned/North African men'?

Or can I only discriminate by sex?

Just by sex, considering every single rape in the history of humans was committed by a man.

Ramalangadingdong · 26/09/2023 23:31

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 23:05

I honestly don't see this.

Also, none of my female friends think men are like this.

I'm respected at work. I like all of my male friends and they treat their partners well.

I may be just lucky that as I've got older I've filtered all the idiots out.

The only time I've had an argument in the last year is on here.

Edited

Sure. You don’t argue with men because you are probably too busy sucking up to them. And you don’t even notice. Either that or they perceive you to not be a threat - which from your posts, makes complete sense.

I worked for a firm a few years ago where all the men liked me. I was lovely and sweet - according to them. When I was promoted and became their boss that was when all hell was let loose. They tried every single trick in the book to make me fail. I was constantly having to be two steps ahead of them. Their tactics didn’t work and I was promoted again.

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:32

If another part of the population was about 1.5% while committing about 12% of the violent crimes (that's 8:1), then presumably you'd have no choice but to fear and distrust those people.

Am I about right?

Definitely don't tell her that asylum seekers make up between 1-2% of the population in France yet commit almost 20% of 'serious sexual assaults', including rape.

Caerulea · 26/09/2023 23:33

Delmedio · 26/09/2023 19:28

Christ, I hate these kind of posts.
Peak mn.

Most firefighters are men, most members of the armed forces are male.
In fact, most inventors, innovators etc are male.

But yeah men are shit, yeah, whatever.

So let's talk about what it's like for women in the armed forces, fire fighters, police... Basically any industry that's male dominated. It's not going to be a very comfortable conversation if you've somehow missed it all...

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:34

VeronicaSawyer89 · 26/09/2023 23:29

Just by sex, considering every single rape in the history of humans was committed by a man.

Nice try. That's because the definition of rape involves a penis.

It's like how not a single man has ever committed infanticide. It's always women. Every single time. Literally.

Ramalangadingdong · 26/09/2023 23:35

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:32

If another part of the population was about 1.5% while committing about 12% of the violent crimes (that's 8:1), then presumably you'd have no choice but to fear and distrust those people.

Am I about right?

Definitely don't tell her that asylum seekers make up between 1-2% of the population in France yet commit almost 20% of 'serious sexual assaults', including rape.

Interesting…I assume France is like UK with low rates of conviction for rape and sexual assault. Interesting that statistic changes when it comes to convicting asylum seekers.

Mamai90 · 26/09/2023 23:37

I unfortunately agree OP. A situation happened in my life that made me look at men differently. If you can't trust the so called good ones who can you trust?

Ramalangadingdong · 26/09/2023 23:39

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:27

Can I hate POC for committing the biggest mass sexual assault of recent times - 1200 women assaulted on one NYE by 'dark skinned/North African men'?

Or can I only discriminate by sex?

Surely it was men committing the assaults and one would presume that some of those assaulted were also people of colour.

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:41

Ramalangadingdong · 26/09/2023 23:39

Surely it was men committing the assaults and one would presume that some of those assaulted were also people of colour.

It wasn't white men.

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 23:41

Ramalangadingdong · 26/09/2023 23:31

Sure. You don’t argue with men because you are probably too busy sucking up to them. And you don’t even notice. Either that or they perceive you to not be a threat - which from your posts, makes complete sense.

I worked for a firm a few years ago where all the men liked me. I was lovely and sweet - according to them. When I was promoted and became their boss that was when all hell was let loose. They tried every single trick in the book to make me fail. I was constantly having to be two steps ahead of them. Their tactics didn’t work and I was promoted again.

I have a Finance & HR position.

You are now doing what I predicted. Getting offensive to another woman because their experience isn't yours. I don't suck up to anybody.

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:43

I'm just amazed how the same posters that justify hating an entire group due to the violent actions of a minority are up in arms about people hating another group for the violent actions of a minority. Confused

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:46

This thread perfectly exemplifies why the patriarchy exists. We're too toxic to work together! The studies agree too.

PaulaZackMayo · 26/09/2023 23:47

You can only see by some of the threads on here how angry women get towards each other.

Get the popcorn is the best one.

Ramalangadingdong · 26/09/2023 23:47

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:00

Um, all the crime statistics ever.

According to the Office of National Statistics they're 'over represented at every stage of the criminal justice system'.

You don’t think there is a reason for that over representation? Black people are often given heavier sentences than their white counterparts. But that is not addressing what we are talking about here.

Much of the experiences people on this thread have had with men are micro aggressions that would never be brought to trial or might not even be taken into account in a workplace grievance complaint. But it is death by a thousand cuts and can be unbearable for the person who is subject to them. My work life was made hell by a couple of men. One man came to my defence and I was so grateful for that. So I know NAM but there are enough who want to keep women out. There just seems to be this assumption that women should not be more successful than men.

Glowie · 26/09/2023 23:47

Ramalangadingdong · 26/09/2023 23:35

Interesting…I assume France is like UK with low rates of conviction for rape and sexual assault. Interesting that statistic changes when it comes to convicting asylum seekers.

Almost 2/3 of rape reports are dropped by the complainant before the case can be brought to court.

I daresay this contributes to the UK's 'low conviction rate'...

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:49

You don’t think there is a reason for that over representation? Black people are often given heavier sentences than their white counterparts.

As men are over women.

Waferbiscuit · 26/09/2023 23:49

Yes OP.

It's the entitlement and aggression.

Aggressive BMWs hurtling up behind me almost 100% always men.

At my age (50s) I'm particularly grossed out by the incredible level of entitlement - so much arrogance.

Also baffled at how enabled my male counterparts are. Grown men who only have to go to work everyday with everything else completely supported by a woman in the background cleaning their house, doing their wash and making their dinner. Why women, why?

By 55 the men have had a good 20 years of it and just expect this invisible support. They are, thanks to being propped up, smug and self righteous.

Just generally disappointed in men and the significant gap between how amazing they think they are and what they really are like.

Glowie · 26/09/2023 23:51

Ramalangadingdong · 26/09/2023 23:47

You don’t think there is a reason for that over representation? Black people are often given heavier sentences than their white counterparts. But that is not addressing what we are talking about here.

Much of the experiences people on this thread have had with men are micro aggressions that would never be brought to trial or might not even be taken into account in a workplace grievance complaint. But it is death by a thousand cuts and can be unbearable for the person who is subject to them. My work life was made hell by a couple of men. One man came to my defence and I was so grateful for that. So I know NAM but there are enough who want to keep women out. There just seems to be this assumption that women should not be more successful than men.

The figures I gave earlier are simply for convictions, so nothing to do with lengths of sentences.

Though now you mention it, that 1.5% of the UK pop also accounts for 2% of the convictions for sex crimes.

So which is it, are the women racist or is this one allowed to be true?

Natalya123 · 26/09/2023 23:53

So, just to clarify. The reason that it's not ok to hate black people is because they don't commit quite enough crime? No other reasons, right?

Southoftheriver32 · 26/09/2023 23:57

There was a social experiment undertaken at a university where in a secret ballot the male students were asked if they could get away with it and never get caught, would they rape a woman, the majority of them said yes.

So your lovely dad, your loving husband, the family man living next door, your brother, son, nephew are all potential rapists.

No, NAMALT but a huge majority are.

Glowie · 27/09/2023 00:00

Southoftheriver32 · 26/09/2023 23:57

There was a social experiment undertaken at a university where in a secret ballot the male students were asked if they could get away with it and never get caught, would they rape a woman, the majority of them said yes.

So your lovely dad, your loving husband, the family man living next door, your brother, son, nephew are all potential rapists.

No, NAMALT but a huge majority are.

Citation needed

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 00:03

Southoftheriver32 · 26/09/2023 23:57

There was a social experiment undertaken at a university where in a secret ballot the male students were asked if they could get away with it and never get caught, would they rape a woman, the majority of them said yes.

So your lovely dad, your loving husband, the family man living next door, your brother, son, nephew are all potential rapists.

No, NAMALT but a huge majority are.

Bullshit

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