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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it is actually mostly men?

1000 replies

Nolpp · 26/09/2023 18:48

Maybe I didn’t get the memo in the past but in the last year or so I’ve been so bitterly disappointed by make behaviour. I look back and wonder if it was always this way but I’m only just noticing. I think part of it is I recently became a single parent and so I’ve had more dealings with men than I would usually, as I’ve had to speak to insurance companies, take car for MOT etc. Obviously I did some of these things before and I know women also work in these places but overall I am having more interaction with men.

Examples…

Driving. Whenever a car is right up behind me it is ALWAYS a man driving. I drive at the speed limit, not under, so presumably they think speed limits don’t apply to them.

I recently donated to a sponsorship for cancer research, an old school friend, quite literally not spoken in over two decades. He then messaged me to thank me for the donation and followed it up with a question about sex and positions he can do after his surgery. Why would anyone think that’s ok?

A colleague, well respected in his industry, tells me when drunk on a night out that he wishes all women conformed to the way of the 50s and stayed at home. He wasn’t joking.

In Sainsbury’s a week ago, a man grabbed my arse in a queue, I was shocked and stepped to one side, didn’t know what to do and said get the fuck away from me. I was next up for the till and the man behind the till said he does it to everyone !!! What the actual fuck? He did follow up to say they had tried to ban him from the shop. I cried in the car afterwards, it was awful.

Waiting for the baby changing unit in Mc Donnalds. A man eventually emerges, mutters sorry but he couldn’t wait, and looked sheepish. He wasn’t unwell, he was downing a Mc flurry when I came out.

Around 7 years ago I used to date someone who had recently got a job as a Judge in the family courts. He was very young to have got this job and in part it was to do with his father being a judge in the same court. Anyway one day we were talking about how money is worked out in a divorce and he said ‘it’s disgusting, women expect to be paid out after staying at home doing nothing with kids for fifteen years, so rather than getting a job of their own they steal the x husband’s pension.’ I am ashamed to say I laughed and agreed with him. I had a good job with no interest in giving it up so I felt I was compatible with this man who I now see was a bit of a monster.

I honestly feel like men make up the bulk of shit behaviour. It probably sounds dramatic but I actually feel sad about it, genuinely sad. And embarrassed that it’s taken me until this late in life to see it.

Yes, I know it’s not all men.

Rant over.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 20:45

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 20:45

I'm not going to stop having a relationship with these men because of annoying posters on Mumsnet think they are abusers.

I'm not niave. I've had an abusive boyfriend when I was 18. I've also met some fucking dick heads in my life men & women. I will do my own risk assessments thank you. Don't accuse me of being niave. I've seen a lot and experienced a lot.

Keep calling me niave. You know fuck all about my life.

Ok.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 20:45

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 20:44

Incorrect

😂

😂

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 20:46

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 20:45

Ok.

Nothing to say?

Bubop · 27/09/2023 20:50

Sometimes I think I must live in a different world to most of mumsnet.

Yes, a very small minority of the men I meet are dicks. Some of the women I meet are awful too.

But the vast majority of people I interact with are fine. Nice even.

I feel disloyal to other women saying this, but I tend to find that men are more polite and helpful than women in general. I have small children and male drivers are overwhelmingly more likely to stop their car to let me cross with a pram, open doors or move out of the way to let me negotiate my (stupidly large double) pram in shops, and let me go ahead of them in queues if one of the LO’s is cranky.

Then there’s the men I personally know.

My dad has always been my biggest supporter and taught me that I can do anything I put my mind to. My DH is the kindest and most respectful person I’ve ever met. My BIL is sensitive to everyone’s feelings and is the person I go to if I need help wording anything sensitive. My uncle quietly helps everyone in the family with as little fuss as possible.

Writing off half of the population because of their sex is ridiculous.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 27/09/2023 20:51

@PaulaZackMayo just to be clear do you recognise that men commit more murder and rape than women by an order of magnitude? As a fact I mean? And do you think it is an important fact worth discussing? And if so (that's a very big if based on your posts so far), what do you consider to be a reasonable and acceptable way of discussing it?

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 20:52

@Bubop that is a lovely post.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 20:56

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 27/09/2023 20:51

@PaulaZackMayo just to be clear do you recognise that men commit more murder and rape than women by an order of magnitude? As a fact I mean? And do you think it is an important fact worth discussing? And if so (that's a very big if based on your posts so far), what do you consider to be a reasonable and acceptable way of discussing it?

What are you trying to achieve from this thread though? I've seen women commenting on how they think every man on earth is scum which is just not true. My best friend is my Husband, he has supported me through many hard times. I get called niave because I trust him and my Son.

I know about the crimes but I won't write all men off.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 20:58

I don't like how aggressive some women are because other women don't agree with then.

rolypolyholymoly · 27/09/2023 21:01

who is being aggressive? TBF I did call the mansplainer way back a pompous old windbag but he did kinda deserve it as he was bringing structural racism in the justice system into his defence of violent men. Mostly I don't think Ive seen any aggression?

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:01

Bubop · 27/09/2023 20:50

Sometimes I think I must live in a different world to most of mumsnet.

Yes, a very small minority of the men I meet are dicks. Some of the women I meet are awful too.

But the vast majority of people I interact with are fine. Nice even.

I feel disloyal to other women saying this, but I tend to find that men are more polite and helpful than women in general. I have small children and male drivers are overwhelmingly more likely to stop their car to let me cross with a pram, open doors or move out of the way to let me negotiate my (stupidly large double) pram in shops, and let me go ahead of them in queues if one of the LO’s is cranky.

Then there’s the men I personally know.

My dad has always been my biggest supporter and taught me that I can do anything I put my mind to. My DH is the kindest and most respectful person I’ve ever met. My BIL is sensitive to everyone’s feelings and is the person I go to if I need help wording anything sensitive. My uncle quietly helps everyone in the family with as little fuss as possible.

Writing off half of the population because of their sex is ridiculous.

So just because you haven't personally experienced misogyny from the lovely amazing men in your life that have never committed crime or ill treated a woman (that you know of ha), the fact that 2 women a week are murdered at the hands of a man, or that 98% of sexual and violent crime is committed by men, is irrelevant? Or not important? Or both? My partner or male friends or family have never - to my knowledge but I could never be certain - haven't either, but doesn't stop me realising that male violence towards women is at endemic levels and as a sex class are far more dangerous. But then I am not naive.

Oh to live in such a small world of privilege.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:02

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 20:58

I don't like how aggressive some women are because other women don't agree with then.

Coming from you?! Unbelievable.

StarDolphins · 27/09/2023 21:02

Lovetotravel123 · 26/09/2023 19:06

Definitely agree with the driving. Where are they rushing to?!

brothel?

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:04

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:02

Coming from you?! Unbelievable.

How am I being aggressive? Delicate flower.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:05

@PaulaZackMayo I think you need to have a lie down.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:06

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:05

@PaulaZackMayo I think you need to have a lie down.

I am.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:07

StarDolphins · 27/09/2023 21:02

brothel?

😂

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 27/09/2023 21:10

@Bubop Totally agree. Great post. (at 20.50.) Yeah a few men are arseholes (but as you say so are a few women!) To write off all men as horrific, and say they are all potential abusers and potentially aggressive and will all probably have a good chance of being violent, is just not on. Many men are lovely. Not perfect of course. But then none of us are. The whole 'all men are cunts' vibe that spills out onto some threads on here is sickening tbh.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:13

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 27/09/2023 21:10

@Bubop Totally agree. Great post. (at 20.50.) Yeah a few men are arseholes (but as you say so are a few women!) To write off all men as horrific, and say they are all potential abusers and potentially aggressive and will all probably have a good chance of being violent, is just not on. Many men are lovely. Not perfect of course. But then none of us are. The whole 'all men are cunts' vibe that spills out onto some threads on here is sickening tbh.

Who has said ALL men. Who has said each and every man?

rolypolyholymoly · 27/09/2023 21:13

@FadeAwayAndRadiate lots of men are lovely and lots of women are arses. but ive never had a women show me her vagina in a park, rub her vagina up against me on the tube, force me to have sex with her etc.etc.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:13

And it's more than a fucking few. Put your aprons down and wake up.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:19

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:13

And it's more than a fucking few. Put your aprons down and wake up.

I've asked you what you want to achieve from the thread? The good men shouldn't be punished for the bad men. What do you suggest we do about it? Just stop tarring all men with the same brush.

I'm actually pissed off that my Son doesn't get a chance to live a good life because he has a penis.

You women need to actually sort yourselves out instead of making out women who know not all men are bad are niave. Stop it.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:20

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:13

And it's more than a fucking few. Put your aprons down and wake up.

Read my last post and stop being stupid.

rolypolyholymoly · 27/09/2023 21:21

I'm actually pissed off that my Son doesn't get a chance to live a good life because he had a penis you what? huh?

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:22

rolypolyholymoly · 27/09/2023 21:21

I'm actually pissed off that my Son doesn't get a chance to live a good life because he had a penis you what? huh?

If you can't string a full sentence together don't reply.

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