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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it is actually mostly men?

1000 replies

Nolpp · 26/09/2023 18:48

Maybe I didn’t get the memo in the past but in the last year or so I’ve been so bitterly disappointed by make behaviour. I look back and wonder if it was always this way but I’m only just noticing. I think part of it is I recently became a single parent and so I’ve had more dealings with men than I would usually, as I’ve had to speak to insurance companies, take car for MOT etc. Obviously I did some of these things before and I know women also work in these places but overall I am having more interaction with men.

Examples…

Driving. Whenever a car is right up behind me it is ALWAYS a man driving. I drive at the speed limit, not under, so presumably they think speed limits don’t apply to them.

I recently donated to a sponsorship for cancer research, an old school friend, quite literally not spoken in over two decades. He then messaged me to thank me for the donation and followed it up with a question about sex and positions he can do after his surgery. Why would anyone think that’s ok?

A colleague, well respected in his industry, tells me when drunk on a night out that he wishes all women conformed to the way of the 50s and stayed at home. He wasn’t joking.

In Sainsbury’s a week ago, a man grabbed my arse in a queue, I was shocked and stepped to one side, didn’t know what to do and said get the fuck away from me. I was next up for the till and the man behind the till said he does it to everyone !!! What the actual fuck? He did follow up to say they had tried to ban him from the shop. I cried in the car afterwards, it was awful.

Waiting for the baby changing unit in Mc Donnalds. A man eventually emerges, mutters sorry but he couldn’t wait, and looked sheepish. He wasn’t unwell, he was downing a Mc flurry when I came out.

Around 7 years ago I used to date someone who had recently got a job as a Judge in the family courts. He was very young to have got this job and in part it was to do with his father being a judge in the same court. Anyway one day we were talking about how money is worked out in a divorce and he said ‘it’s disgusting, women expect to be paid out after staying at home doing nothing with kids for fifteen years, so rather than getting a job of their own they steal the x husband’s pension.’ I am ashamed to say I laughed and agreed with him. I had a good job with no interest in giving it up so I felt I was compatible with this man who I now see was a bit of a monster.

I honestly feel like men make up the bulk of shit behaviour. It probably sounds dramatic but I actually feel sad about it, genuinely sad. And embarrassed that it’s taken me until this late in life to see it.

Yes, I know it’s not all men.

Rant over.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
24
rolypolyholymoly · 27/09/2023 21:23

@PaulaZackMayo what do you mean though?

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:24

@PaulaZackMayo stupid? Because your 'nice' husband, son and 20 male workers who seem nice to you somehow is an accurate reflection of males as a whole makes all of us all 'need to sort ourselves out'.

You're making a tit of yourself.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:26

If you can't string a full sentence together don't reply.

Learn how to spell naive.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:27

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:26

If you can't string a full sentence together don't reply.

Learn how to spell naive.

Auto correct. You sad person.

Efficaciou5 · 27/09/2023 21:28

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 27/09/2023 21:10

@Bubop Totally agree. Great post. (at 20.50.) Yeah a few men are arseholes (but as you say so are a few women!) To write off all men as horrific, and say they are all potential abusers and potentially aggressive and will all probably have a good chance of being violent, is just not on. Many men are lovely. Not perfect of course. But then none of us are. The whole 'all men are cunts' vibe that spills out onto some threads on here is sickening tbh.

Quite right.

MN is becoming more and more of a misandric hate group of late.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:31

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:24

@PaulaZackMayo stupid? Because your 'nice' husband, son and 20 male workers who seem nice to you somehow is an accurate reflection of males as a whole makes all of us all 'need to sort ourselves out'.

You're making a tit of yourself.

Maybe. Carry on enjoying hating all men even though there are some good ones out there.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:34

Maybe. Carry on enjoying hating all men even though there are some good ones out there.

Your reading skills are up down there with your comprehension skills. Try reading the posts instead of trying - and failing - to be smart. No one, including me, has said ALL men. My partner is lovely.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:34

After talking to you pair I'm quite looking forward to hanging out with my work friends. Obviously I'll be careful they don't murder me.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:35

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:34

After talking to you pair I'm quite looking forward to hanging out with my work friends. Obviously I'll be careful they don't murder me.

I'm sure they feel the same. You sound about 17.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:36

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:34

Maybe. Carry on enjoying hating all men even though there are some good ones out there.

Your reading skills are up down there with your comprehension skills. Try reading the posts instead of trying - and failing - to be smart. No one, including me, has said ALL men. My partner is lovely.

He needs a bloody medal.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:36

He needs a bloody medal.

Point proved (17).

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:37

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:35

I'm sure they feel the same. You sound about 17.

Are you for real?

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:38

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:36

He needs a bloody medal.

Point proved (17).

I wish 😁

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:41

Take your wise (ha) words about the poor menz to this thread where they are also talking about male violence. I'm sure your amazing and not at all naive insight will be welcomed.

To be profoundly saddened by this story http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4906952-to-be-profoundly-saddened-by-this-story

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:42

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:36

He needs a bloody medal.

Point proved (17).

At a quick glance at your previous posts. You like a good argument on here 😂

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:43

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:41

Take your wise (ha) words about the poor menz to this thread where they are also talking about male violence. I'm sure your amazing and not at all naive insight will be welcomed.

To be profoundly saddened by this story http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4906952-to-be-profoundly-saddened-by-this-story

I'm not following you around Mumsnet thank you

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:43

@PaulaZackMayo you have a lot of time on your hands.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 27/09/2023 21:44

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 20:56

What are you trying to achieve from this thread though? I've seen women commenting on how they think every man on earth is scum which is just not true. My best friend is my Husband, he has supported me through many hard times. I get called niave because I trust him and my Son.

I know about the crimes but I won't write all men off.

Edited

Well it's not my thread. But personally I am trying to challenge the view being espoused by some that because men do dangerous jobs, or because some men are good, it is not legitimate for women to take note of the fact that an overwhelming majority of rape and murder is undertaken by men, and govern their lives accordingly. I am also interested in discussing how the old paradigm for heterosexual relationships has foundered, and what will take its place: will men in significant numbers change - either their sexual wants or their social behaviour? Or will women begin to structure their lives differently, without a relationship with a man as its central plank? What other options are there? And what might the upshot of some of these possible futures be?

I can't account for posts that I didn't make. But I would say that telling a woman who has said she has a personal history of being abused by men in one form or another since age 5 (so presumably including some form of familial abuse) that your own husband and son and whoever being lovely somehow what - invalidates that? Cancels it out? - is a bit tone deaf.

If these women were talking about killing all men, assaulting them, hurting them, or oppressing them in some way (in the way that riddles incel online spaces re women) I'd see why you were getting all het up. But what most of the women on here are saying is that their lived experience, combined with their understanding of the statistical information, has led them to believe they are better off without men in their lives as far as possible. They are polite and civil and work with men just fine... they just choose not to have them as key figures in their personal lives. What I don't understand is why that personal decision is viewed as so utterly unacceptable by some, or why it is being held as akin to oppression of or prejudice against a minority group. Men are not a minority, nor are they the victims of oppression.

I mean, to repeat an example: I would never employ a male babysitter for my kids. I just would not, due to the statistically far higher likelihood that a male babysitter would harm them than a female one. All other things being equal, I would always choose a girl. If there were literally no girls available, only boys, I'd cancel my plans and stay home. Is this utterly unreasonable and bigoted and harmful? Or is it me making a personal choice about the level of risk I am comfortable with?

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:45

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AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:47

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misssunshine4040 · 27/09/2023 21:50

To @Delmedio are you aware how much abuse goes on in the military?

The men who are in armed forces can be domestic abusers and there is very little done about it.
The military does not promote women's wellbeing or respect female troops.
It's a tick box exercise.
The OP is absolutely right. It's not all men but it's too many and it's horrible as a woman having to look out for the dangerous ones

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:51

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You are just proving my point that woman are bitches when they don't hear what they want. My brain is not small, thank you.

PaulaZackMayo · 27/09/2023 21:53

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AccidentallyWesAnderson · 27/09/2023 21:57

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Looking up posters posting history is the epitome of weird. I've never understood it. I didn't respond to your last mental post so you're verging on arguing with yourself. Cheerio.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 27/09/2023 21:59

Really interested to see if af any point @PaulaZackMayo will stop slagging off @AccidentallyWesAnderson and instead engage with my calmly worded points... seems that while you claim to dislike aggression you are actually far more attracted to it than you would like to admit.

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