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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask grandparents to stop the junk food?

151 replies

MrsLeopard · 26/09/2023 18:16

Hi,

I have a 9 month old baby who will be going to my parents one day a week once I go back to work in a couple of months. At the moment they already look after my 2 year old niece on the same day. I am extremely grateful that my parents are able to help out, I really want my son to know his grandparents and cousin well.

The issue I have is that my parents think nothing of giving my niece junk food. They have a special "sweetie cupboard " where they keep packets of jelly babies and party rings specifically for my niece. At the weekend I was visiting and they had McDonald's and were asking my son if he wanted a chicken nugget! Parents can feed their kids whatever they want but a baby doesn't need McDonald's. My mum has asked me before if she can give my son squash when she's looking after him and they laugh when I say no.

My siblings are happy for their kids to eat biscuits, sweets and chips and that is fine because its their choice but as my son gets older I don't want him feeling like he's being punished, at the same time I can't ask my siblings to stop giving their kids this food in front of my son.

What do I do? Should I approach my siblings and ask them to stop the junk food or do I just insist on my son not getting the treats his cousins do?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/09/2023 18:20

Or just work on it’s one day a week when they are doing you a favour.

Thedogscollar · 26/09/2023 18:22

You could supply the food you want your son to have whilst he is with his grandparents.
If you are still not happy then you can pay for childcare and stipulate what he should and shouldn't eat to the nursery.

noworklifebalance · 26/09/2023 18:22

@MrsLeopard

I can understand why you don’t want your child to be fed in this way but you can’t make everyone else adapt to your wishes. You can only control what happens to your child so you have to decide which it is - your parents look after your child and you accept that he gets what your niece gets or he doesn’t go there at all.

Kinneddar · 26/09/2023 18:25

or do I just insist on my son not getting the treats his cousins do

And how do you expect your parents to explain that to him.

You're really going to have to either just accept he gets treats at his grandparents or start paying for child care.

It's only one day a week. It won't kill him

Tinkerbyebye · 26/09/2023 18:26

Is one day going to cause issues really? Tell them what you would like them to do, however you have to accept it’s going to be difficult to refuse your sisters child now so perhaps the compromise is one item from the sweetie cupboard

give your mum the food you want your child to have if you are that bothered, but why should you impose what you want on them, when you don’t want your sister to do the same

you have a choice, accept it might happen, or find other childcare

Hardbackwriter · 26/09/2023 18:29

I think you can ask them to hold off while he's still so little. Realistically as he becomes a toddler they're going to start giving him these things as they do for their other grandchild. There's no point getting into conflict over this, either make your peace with it or accept that you need to make other childcare arrangements.

wellandtruly · 26/09/2023 18:29

You aren’t going to win this, I think. You could provide food but they’ll probably give him lots of treats and sweets anyway. You’ll either have to put up with some junk food and sweets on the day they have him, or you’ll have to find other childcare.

thiswasabadone · 26/09/2023 18:30

Please don't give my baby junk food, here's some food that he can eat. Thanks

WeightoftheWorld · 26/09/2023 18:31

Kinneddar · 26/09/2023 18:25

or do I just insist on my son not getting the treats his cousins do

And how do you expect your parents to explain that to him.

You're really going to have to either just accept he gets treats at his grandparents or start paying for child care.

It's only one day a week. It won't kill him

Agree with this. I think the DGCs would refuse to care for him if they have to deny him the treats they give the other child. Your child would be upset about this and what DGC is going to be the one to treat their two GCs differently and upsetting one over and over in the process? Either you send him there and you accept they care for him appropriately in their own way, or you don't think their care is appropriate, in which case you find alternative childcare. That's the options.

Jadeywithababy · 26/09/2023 18:31

6 days a week he’ll be eating healthily, is it really so bad to have an occasional treat? Research suggests that giving food moral values and restricting food groups completely makes “bad” or “junk” foods much more desirable because they are forbidden so they may actually be doing you a favour by providing the treats at their house while you can consistently avoid them at yours.

DinnaeFashYersel · 26/09/2023 18:32

Chicken nuggets and sweeties one day a week is not a problem.

Just make sure its freshly caught wild salmon and quinoa the rest of the time.

Or pay for childcare.

EggTheParrot · 26/09/2023 18:32

Pay for childcare then

DurhamDurham · 26/09/2023 18:38

I can understand why you don't want a baby to have a chicken nugget but in all honesty you can't dictate what they have in the house.
If they give your niece treats and her parents are happy with this, you cannot tell them to stop buying them for her.

You'll just cause bad feeling and make everyone feel rubbish. If you u want to dictate everything your child eats I think you'll have to consider paying for childcare.

I've babysat my granddaughter since she was a few months old. While I'd never give her something her parents didn't want her to have, I would take kindly to being dictated to what treats I can have in the house and being micromanaged by them with regards to what I feed her.

Original poster
MrsLeopard · 26/09/2023 18:40

I will be paying for childcare 4 days a week but with that adding up to over £800 a month I'm really going to be stretched as it is. Am I really a monster for not wanting my son eating McDonald's and sweets every week? My siblings give my parents food for my niece but it just gets left. I grew up being given sugar on toast and a tin of coke for lunch and have terrible teeth because of it.

OP posts:
Depresssssion · 26/09/2023 18:41

I wouldn’t like this! I’d tell them not to. She’s only a baby. She might notice when she’s older but she won’t now.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 26/09/2023 18:41

It’s once a week. Honestly, it’s not crack. You’re setting him up for a lifetime of wanting sweets / cakes / chocolate here as it’s forbidden so far more tempting. You’re much better off letting him have everything in moderation.

Summermeadowflowers · 26/09/2023 18:42

MN is always a bit odd about this. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but we seem to be in a minority! My DS wasn’t interested in sweets or chocolates until grandparents decided to feed him up and it is both tricky and frustrating.

MamaGhina · 26/09/2023 18:43

I grew up being given sugar on toast and a tin of coke for lunch and have terrible teeth because of it
If you don’t trust them to follow your wishes, don’t leave your child with them.
If you do trust them you have to accept that your niece will be eating sweets while they tell your child Mummy won’t let them give him any.

I what I’d choose.

Lizzieregina · 26/09/2023 18:43

I think it’s certainly reasonable to ask the grandparents to limit sweet stuff to maybe one sweet treat.

I don’t think they’ll never give your LO a treat and for one day a week, I certainly wouldn’t make it my hill to die on.

The relationship with the grandparents and cousin will far outweigh an occasional treat.

CinnamonBear · 26/09/2023 18:44

Pay for childcare then 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn't be happy for a one year old eating sweets, but the odd chicken nugget is fine. Maybe offer a selection of permissible treats, but be prepared for them to ignore it.

Summermeadowflowers · 26/09/2023 18:50

To be honest, the childcare is a red herring. My PIL don’t do childcare for us and have only had DS without us twice (once when I was having DD) but they are a bit crafty in how they manage to give him sweets - they’ll just hand them to him and then as an afterthought say ‘Is he OK to have that?’ Well - I can’t really say no now he’s tearing into it!

We don’t see them enough for it to be a massive deal but if we saw them more regularly it would be a concern to me.

PurBal · 26/09/2023 18:50

I don’t think YABU. But it’s one day and it would be really noticeable if cousins are treated differently. You’ll need to stipulate what your child eats at nursery too if you’re particular btw. The chocolate spread at breakfast and custard cream / ice lolly snacks weren’t on the menus they provided me. I don’t mind, but it was good to find out so he didn’t get “double” treats (some at nursery and some at home).

CapturedLeprechaun · 26/09/2023 18:51

So your child eats 18 healthy meals a week with you and nursery, and then 3 possibly "unhealthy" meals with grandparents? For the sake of free childcare, I would swallow this and say nothing.

Overall your child has a good healthy diet, one day a week where they have chicken nuggets for dinner and party rings as a snack will not do harm to a child with a healthy diet the other 6 days a week.

margotrose · 26/09/2023 18:51

They're saving you a fortune by providing you with free childcare.

If you're not happy with the free option, pay for it like everyone else. One day a week where he gets nuggets and party rings is no big deal, though.

coxesorangepippin · 26/09/2023 18:52

Free childcare?!

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