AIBU to ask grandparents to stop the junk food?

[MrsLeopard]

Hi,

I have a 9 month old baby who will be going to my parents one day a week once I go back to work in a couple of months. At the moment they already look after my 2 year old niece on the same day. I am extremely grateful that my parents are able to help out, I really want my son to know his grandparents and cousin well.

The issue I have is that my parents think nothing of giving my niece junk food. They have a special "sweetie cupboard " where they keep packets of jelly babies and party rings specifically for my niece. At the weekend I was visiting and they had McDonald's and were asking my son if he wanted a chicken nugget! Parents can feed their kids whatever they want but a baby doesn't need McDonald's. My mum has asked me before if she can give my son squash when she's looking after him and they laugh when I say no.

My siblings are happy for their kids to eat biscuits, sweets and chips and that is fine because its their choice but as my son gets older I don't want him feeling like he's being punished, at the same time I can't ask my siblings to stop giving their kids this food in front of my son.

What do I do? Should I approach my siblings and ask them to stop the junk food or do I just insist on my son not getting the treats his cousins do?

I’m probably the same age as the grandparents though not myself one yet. I think it’s actually really disrespectful of them not to go with want you want your baby to eat. It’s your baby and that trumps grandparent in my view.

You can tell them what you prefer him to eat but ultimately they are doing you a big favour and if he ends up eating some crap one day a week, it's really not the end of the world. He'll know that he gets this kind of stuff at granny's but not a home.
My mil used to bring my kids a kinder surprise + other crap every week when she looked after them. I would have prefered it if she didnt but she was doing me a big favour plus she's lovely with the kids so I let it slide. They are not overweight nor do they have bad teeth because of this!

I will be paying for childcare 4 days a week but with that adding up to over £800 a month I'm really going to be stretched as it is.

Didn't you think about that before you conceived?

And yes how much childcare vie costing you is totally irrelevant.

One of the reasons I resent my DH and PIL feeding DS up on junk is that it means I can never ‘treat’ him. So I’m in the position of permanently having to do the healthy balanced meals and fruit for snacks because I know DH will be there with ice creams and chocolates.

OP if they laugh at you re no squash for a 9mo baby they are not going to respect your parental wishes.

Don’t use them for regular childcare and ignore the UPF apologists - babies and toddlers don’t need excess sugar, emulsifiers and preservatives, and God knows what else in those “treats”. Obesity, cancer, diabetes are no fucking joke.

Preferring healthy, nutritious food needs to be introduced and nurtured with young children.

You wouldn't let your child have one McDonald's chicken nugget?

Wow.

I’ve never eaten a chicken nugget (or a fish finger), nor have I fed one to my children. What’s the point of it when regular cooked chicken/fish is a much better option?

What do you think a nugget is if not cooked chicken?

My kids have always spent a day a week with my parents. They were spoilt rotten, have puddings on top of puddings, multiple snacks, on days out have fish n chips and Maccys, followed no timetable, napped at the wrong time, wore questionable outfits - but they loved it, no harm came to them, they aren’t fat or spoilt or rotten teeth or sweet addicts and they are very close with my parents from all the adventures.

Would people say the same things if it was grandparents giving meat to a vegetarian child, or pork to the child being brought up in an observant Muslim family?

I don't think religion trumps other belief systems.

If you believe some food is bad for your child, bad for the planet, bad for society, you should be able to talk to your parents about this, and they should respect your wishes. If they think you get too extreme, they should be able to discuss that with you too and come to a compromise. I would not give my grandchildren food that their parents asked me not to give them- I would be terrified of offending my daughter-in-law for one thing... She has the power, and I need to toe the line!

Because it's quicker.
Not everyone has the time to make everything from scratch.
We do most of the time, but sometimes we can't be bothered and stick something in the oven, because we're tired after a long day at work/school.

One chicken nugget isn't going to harm a child.

You either ask them not to give your son those foods and accept that you might be ignored anyway and your niece will still get it because it's not your place to dictate her food.
Or you don't send him there and pay for the extra days childcare because you're parents are doing you a huge favour and if you're going to kick up a fuss over a single nugget is it worth the effort to them?

Good luck with nursery and school meals, famous for no sweet treats or processed food 🙄

I think you have to decide between free childcare with food that doesn't meet your standards and paying for another day of nursery. I think for the sake of one day a week you're overthinking this.

Just let them do it. It's only one day a week. Wouldn't bother me

What? So they haven't got several forms of cancer, haven't got diabetes or childhood obesity from eating processed/sugary foods once a week?
Amazing.

Next time you do your shopping, please read the ingredients list.

Tasty chicken nuggets

Ingredients:
Chicken

I can read the ingredients - they're just chicken breast and flavouring. No different to any chicken in a supermarket.

I agree with you but they're not going to change. A 5th day in nursery is often less than the first 4, pro rata.

At the end of the day you can’t ask that your niece has a different diet because you don’t want your son to be ‘left out’.
You either accept what they feed him 1 day a week within reason, send him with his packed lunch and snacks or don’t rely on them for childcare.

I stood the ground with my parents and they won't give DD (14mo) any junk/squash or general rubbish food. DH and I were firm and told them we don't want her having anything like that. They are good now and they check if they aren't sure. Same with our nursery. We explained we didn't want her to have any added sugar or sweeteners. They have been fantastic and she gets healthy meals and snacks. If they aren't sure about a snack, they will give her fruit and then ask me at pick up if next time she can have the snack they weren't sure of.

I don't get the whole "oh it's one day a week, it won't hurt". You are the parent and you are making healthy choices for your child. I am not the only mum at the nursery who has made these choices either

Fine for you to believe that and feed yourself accordingly, but probably best to stop trying to convince OP she's being precious by wanting to feed her children well and avoid junk/UPF.
Other people making conscious efforts to improve their diet and abandoning UPF is not a direct attack on your food choices. There is no need to gaslight and mislead - UPF harms are coming to light right now, plenty of info out there why no one needs chicken nuggets and squash.

It's tough when the cousins are also there and being given treats. I do childcare for dgs and have done since he was the same age as your ds. Dd and I spoke about her wishes before I had dgs and I agreed that I would always do my best to follow her wishes. As it turns out it hasn't been that difficult because I don't have a treat cupboard and dgs rarely asks for a snack whether that is because I don't have anything in that might tempt him or just that he doesn't ask for snacks as a rule, even at home, I don't know. I do bake a cake for his visit with dd on a Saturday and he loves the occasion of it all but he doesn't expect cake when he comes for childcare as he sees that as different.
I think you have to decide whether or not it's a deal breaker as realistically they are going to feed him treats regardless of your wishes from the sound of it.

Come back and report on how that's going once they're old enough to notice and point out that they're not getting the treat that the others are...