AIBU to ask grandparents to stop the junk food?

[MrsLeopard]

Hi,

I have a 9 month old baby who will be going to my parents one day a week once I go back to work in a couple of months. At the moment they already look after my 2 year old niece on the same day. I am extremely grateful that my parents are able to help out, I really want my son to know his grandparents and cousin well.

The issue I have is that my parents think nothing of giving my niece junk food. They have a special "sweetie cupboard " where they keep packets of jelly babies and party rings specifically for my niece. At the weekend I was visiting and they had McDonald's and were asking my son if he wanted a chicken nugget! Parents can feed their kids whatever they want but a baby doesn't need McDonald's. My mum has asked me before if she can give my son squash when she's looking after him and they laugh when I say no.

My siblings are happy for their kids to eat biscuits, sweets and chips and that is fine because its their choice but as my son gets older I don't want him feeling like he's being punished, at the same time I can't ask my siblings to stop giving their kids this food in front of my son.

What do I do? Should I approach my siblings and ask them to stop the junk food or do I just insist on my son not getting the treats his cousins do?

BTW your son will hate you if you say he's not allowed the same things his cousins are IF he's there on the same day.

If I was you and I didn't need the free childcare I'd be paying for a nursery instead.

I find most of the responses of 'pay for childcare then' a bit basic and dismissive.

As far as I'm aware, most group childcare options don't allow parents to dictate exactly what foods their kids can eat (unless genuine allergy/requirement), otherwise the staff would end up preparing 30x different meal, drink and snack options every day!

Just because someone is getting help from family doesn't mean all their preferences can be completely disrespected on those days because they should be grateful and grovelling to family members IMHO. I work on the 'your child, your rules' approach because their health (and potential tooth decay) is your responsibility until they're old enough to make poor food choices for themselves.

I also bet the grandparents won't be dealing with the sugar high and come down tantrums after work if they're pumping your child with sugary treats all day too. That'll be your problem, so
I don't feel this is a simple issue and very much worth an honest conversation with them. Hope you can sort something out OP!

Don't leave the baby with them if you don't trust them

Grandparents really are just a commodity to some mumsnetters, aren't they? To be taken down from the shelf when they're needed to provide free childcare and to robotically follow a set of rules that they have to abide by. Meanehile they give up any spontaneity in their lives (childcare set in stone in their calendars) and in what they do, and their relationship with their grandchildren.

Seriously, the sheer CFery of the majority of posters on this thread is absolutely shocking.

OP just pay for the extra day. You don't get to have your cake (sorry, sourdough) and eat it.

Yes sorry, I tried to edit my post to add something else I meant to say but messed up.

If you're comfortable leaving your child with them, just provide the foods you want him to have. As your child grows teach them about healthy eating and why. Kids are so smart and they do tend to follow what is taught at home. I raised my kids this way (for years we were raw vegan!) and they have always preferred healthy foods. One of my daughters just turned 13 and I've let her go wild with all the foods teenagers love. She discovered Big Macs and could eat them every day. She knows I'll buy them too, but I taught her how to make them healthier at home, and she loves it. So she's not feeling deprived and she's empowered with skills that will protect her lifelong health. When she's with other kids, like at her after school program, they eat together and literally none of them will eat the vegetables. She proudly eats hers and everyone else's and comes home telling me other kids are weird for not liking vegetables. It's a source of pride for her that she's different in that way. It's always been like this, even when they were very little and I tried to give them junk because I felt guilty depriving them and they didn't want it. They did find certain things they liked and they could have it at certain times. I tried to model what I wanted them to do as adults. I grew up in an eating disordered home so I was extremely careful.

My point is, don't assume you'll have issues. Just talk to your son about why some foods are healthy and what they do for his body - empower him and he'll make his own good choices. Make sure you use very broad language so he doesn't go to his cousins with judgy remarks. I've never had any worries or issues on the matter. I always provided food that was both healthy and I knew my kids would prefer. They've never been deprived or felt any type of way about it. It's totally possible to not be an issue.

The best part of this is you consider jam on toast a treat 😂 that was what was offered when we were due a food shop and literally had bare cupboards. I can’t think of anything less treat like.

Are you feeling attacked? 😜

This statement is categorically untrue and really shows more about you than anything else.

I also bet the grandparents won't be dealing with the sugar high and come down tantrums

There is no such thing as a sugar high or a come down tantrum.

https://www.eatright.org/health/wellness/healthful-habits/sugar-does-it-really-cause-hyperactivity

The UK is the fattest country in Western Europe I wonder why...

Ever wonder why cancer, stroke, heart disease, etc is such a problem? 🤔

You can’t beat a fish finger butty on white sliced, thickly buttered bread with salad cream for dipping 😂

My mum would give my kids Haribo for breakfast. Literally. Then say, "OOoooo, don;t tell mummy because nanna will be told off!". Fuck off nanna then if your're just going to make me the bad guy. No more grandkids staying over.

Your option here is to accept that he has it once a week or pay for childcare. It will be fine until your baby is older but there will come a point when your DC will notice cousin eating treats and they will want the same.

I cant disagree with this!
I have my grandchildren once a week. I absolutely love having them, look forward to it and miss them when they’re on holiday. I’d like to think my DD trusts me enough to look after them wellI go out of my way to do so - yes, it saves my DD nursery fees, and costs me lots in fuel, heating, activities etc. But the fact that we have a close relationship more than makes up from that.

I loved staying with my grandparents, my children loved spending time with their grandparents and I hope my grandchildren love spending time with me. My dad was reckless with his grandchildren in his attempts to make sure they had lots of fun, and now as adults they all miss him terribly and tell their own children about how wonderful he was.

BTW, sweets and cordial in of itself do not cause cavities - its due to poor dental hygiene - now we are much more aware of keeping teeth clean, using fluoride toothpaste and having regular check ups.

We don't give ds 10mths junk food either, when he's old enough to ask for it or it's obvious he feels left out then we'll review that and as you say there is no reason for a baby to be given junk food but each to their own.

I would provide your own 'treats' so we give ds lots of fruit which he loves, and baby friendly puff corn snack sticks etc I'd give them a supply of sticks of fruit and veg and 'crisps' and when your niece is getting her treats he can have one of his treats.

Ds would be more focused on what he's getting to pay attention to what another child is getting so it's never caused us an issue yet and he's used to being fed different things on play dates etc because his packed lunch is his to eat.

I would just ask that he not be given junk or sugary things and if they wanted to they can use the same language. So if ds cousin is getting his juice ds gets his 'juice' which is water. He's never had juice so he doesn't know any different. Or they could use neutral words like here's your drink. Instead of juice or water. Or here is your snack instead of biscuit or sweet specifically if they're worried about it causing an issue.

I think your ds is too wee for it to be an issue really. The issue is more your parents approach to food and what's appropriate for children and them giving the food you provide instead of the junk they have at home. Do you trust them to give what you provide if you make it clear you want ds to have that instead?

Obviously your parents are doing you a favour and let's be honest who is really in a position these days to turn their nose up at free childcare, but i don't think that should mean you can't still ask them to approach things a certain way because it's your child at the end of the day and you're still their parent so your wishes should still be respected even if they personally disagree with you because things change and you may have more up to date information than they did when they were parenting young kids.

People seem to be really touchy about this but I totally understand why you wouldn’t want a baby / toddler being fed on anything that isn’t real whole foods. You know your parents though, how would they react if you took fruit / cheese etc for the baby to eat while he is with them?

I’d either pay for childcare for 5 days a week, or consider working for only 4 days a week. No wat a dc of mine would be staying with family feeding/ supplying that level of crap food for a baby less than a year old

Please somebody tell me what's wrong with giving toddlers squash.

Absolutely not, I don't feel attacked because I'm very comfortable in my position. However I think you need to pick your battles carefully, and pissing off the people who provide free childcare isn't the way to do it. The voice of experience says the son WILL hate his parents for 'othering' him. How does he explain this to his class - that mummy and daddy said no? That child will be a social pariah - the class weirdo who's not allowed to do anything unless mummy says yes. The ridiculous emoji doesn't make me feel less of a person for saying this, but it should make OP think what kind of flying monkeys am I attracting.

All you have to do is go back in time and think how bad you would feel if your grandparents gave your cousins treats but not you, because your parents said you're not allowed. It's common sense that kids feel like this, not necessarily that they should feel like this, but that's just the way it is.

Common sense in volumes! Please read and listen to this poster.

Most toddlers do not require squash on a regular basis. Most drink water, milk or dairy free milk as required. Squash should be an exception and it must be very dilute.

Personally I'd just give water, but you can't be precious if you're not paying.

I agree with you OP. Can you send a packed lunch and dinner so he’s atleast getting wholesome main meals?

Which bit is the crap bit though? Read the op properly - the child was offered a single chicken nugget. A lot of posters are over reacting.