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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask grandparents to stop the junk food?

151 replies

MrsLeopard · 26/09/2023 18:16

Hi,

I have a 9 month old baby who will be going to my parents one day a week once I go back to work in a couple of months. At the moment they already look after my 2 year old niece on the same day. I am extremely grateful that my parents are able to help out, I really want my son to know his grandparents and cousin well.

The issue I have is that my parents think nothing of giving my niece junk food. They have a special "sweetie cupboard " where they keep packets of jelly babies and party rings specifically for my niece. At the weekend I was visiting and they had McDonald's and were asking my son if he wanted a chicken nugget! Parents can feed their kids whatever they want but a baby doesn't need McDonald's. My mum has asked me before if she can give my son squash when she's looking after him and they laugh when I say no.

My siblings are happy for their kids to eat biscuits, sweets and chips and that is fine because its their choice but as my son gets older I don't want him feeling like he's being punished, at the same time I can't ask my siblings to stop giving their kids this food in front of my son.

What do I do? Should I approach my siblings and ask them to stop the junk food or do I just insist on my son not getting the treats his cousins do?

OP posts:
Loafordeath · 26/09/2023 20:02

FWIW I was brought up on homecooked food and limited junk, no sweets. Neither I, nor my siblings went "crazy" when we left home. In fact we are all slim with good teeth, good diets and have no food issues. We are all glad we were brought up this way and I intend to do the same for my own kids.

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:04

MrsLeopard · 26/09/2023 18:40

I will be paying for childcare 4 days a week but with that adding up to over £800 a month I'm really going to be stretched as it is. Am I really a monster for not wanting my son eating McDonald's and sweets every week? My siblings give my parents food for my niece but it just gets left. I grew up being given sugar on toast and a tin of coke for lunch and have terrible teeth because of it.

I'm much older than you and brought up in the North East. We had sugar sandwiches, no McDonalds and sweets were a once a week treat. However the treat aspect was because it was so expensive it could only be once a week. I think you're unfairly blaming your parents for the terrible teeth when it's probably hereditary.

I'm now 65, have one filling, lost one tooth through decalcification when pregnant. I only go to the dentist when I'm in pain. We have natural fluoride in our water, but even with that some people had terrible teeth. Unfortunately it's the luck of the draw, not necessarily what you're currently eating.

Yes, you're a monster for being so accusatory to your parents. One day doesn't matter if on the other six you're making sure your kids drink plenty of water and have quality food. Have your children had any dental issues, or have their cared for cousins?

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:06

Just spotted that fish fingers are now junk food! 😮

TheMarzipanDildo · 26/09/2023 20:06

I think it’s fine to mention it, even though it is free childcare.

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:08

amberisola · 26/09/2023 20:00

You're not unreasonable OP. Plenty of people will say you are, probably because they feed their own kids the same rubbish, but a baby doesn't need or care about the sort of junk food we call "treats" in our culture. Sadly it's so ingrained and normalised that it will probably be really hard to get through to your parents. Of course it won't do immediate harm, but hopefully you can balance it out by teaching your ds about the importance of real food as he gets older.

and as soon as those kids can make their own decisions they'll be eating crap like there's no tomorrow! What's wrong with saying that what happens at free childcare grannies isn't normal life and we don't eat like this at home - granny gives treats? Honestly the misery some of you po faced posters throw into the mix is just ridiculous! You're like the new puritans!

TheMarzipanDildo · 26/09/2023 20:08

Loafordeath · 26/09/2023 20:02

FWIW I was brought up on homecooked food and limited junk, no sweets. Neither I, nor my siblings went "crazy" when we left home. In fact we are all slim with good teeth, good diets and have no food issues. We are all glad we were brought up this way and I intend to do the same for my own kids.

Pretty much same.
I had a friend who did go a bit crazy, but her parents were really controlling around food rather than just doing healthy homemade stuff.

7Worfs · 26/09/2023 20:09

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:06

Just spotted that fish fingers are now junk food! 😮

They probably weren't 20 years ago, but that's corporate greed for you - constantly replacing real ingredients with "food science" cheap imitations.

Most supermarket bread is UPF now - you'd be very hard pressed to find bread that only contains flour, water, yeast, salt.

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:09

Loafordeath · 26/09/2023 20:02

FWIW I was brought up on homecooked food and limited junk, no sweets. Neither I, nor my siblings went "crazy" when we left home. In fact we are all slim with good teeth, good diets and have no food issues. We are all glad we were brought up this way and I intend to do the same for my own kids.

Did you really have NO sweets?

TheMarzipanDildo · 26/09/2023 20:11

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:08

and as soon as those kids can make their own decisions they'll be eating crap like there's no tomorrow! What's wrong with saying that what happens at free childcare grannies isn't normal life and we don't eat like this at home - granny gives treats? Honestly the misery some of you po faced posters throw into the mix is just ridiculous! You're like the new puritans!

Show quote history

It’s different when a child is a bit older but there’s no need for a 2 year old to eat sweets surely

7Worfs · 26/09/2023 20:12

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:08

and as soon as those kids can make their own decisions they'll be eating crap like there's no tomorrow! What's wrong with saying that what happens at free childcare grannies isn't normal life and we don't eat like this at home - granny gives treats? Honestly the misery some of you po faced posters throw into the mix is just ridiculous! You're like the new puritans!

Show quote history

That argument gets trotted out all the time.
It doesn't matter what a 12yo chooses to eat, compared to a 9mo BABY - because at 12 at least there are some bodily systems in place to deal with shit food.
Just because they might like junk when they are older, doesn't mean to ply them with it from the cradle.

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 26/09/2023 20:14

MrsLeopard · 26/09/2023 18:16

Hi,

I have a 9 month old baby who will be going to my parents one day a week once I go back to work in a couple of months. At the moment they already look after my 2 year old niece on the same day. I am extremely grateful that my parents are able to help out, I really want my son to know his grandparents and cousin well.

The issue I have is that my parents think nothing of giving my niece junk food. They have a special "sweetie cupboard " where they keep packets of jelly babies and party rings specifically for my niece. At the weekend I was visiting and they had McDonald's and were asking my son if he wanted a chicken nugget! Parents can feed their kids whatever they want but a baby doesn't need McDonald's. My mum has asked me before if she can give my son squash when she's looking after him and they laugh when I say no.

My siblings are happy for their kids to eat biscuits, sweets and chips and that is fine because its their choice but as my son gets older I don't want him feeling like he's being punished, at the same time I can't ask my siblings to stop giving their kids this food in front of my son.

What do I do? Should I approach my siblings and ask them to stop the junk food or do I just insist on my son not getting the treats his cousins do?

Jeez well either put your son at nursery where he will get a balanced meal or provide the food you want him to eat. Grandparents looking after grandkids for free i presume and you are still moaning.

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:18

TheMarzipanDildo · 26/09/2023 20:11

It’s different when a child is a bit older but there’s no need for a 2 year old to eat sweets surely

Show quote history

The OP actually mentions A CHICKEN NUGGET. Says the older kids have jelly babies or party rings. I have a lifetime of experience that says that trying to stop kids eating something with sugar in is like trying to stop the tide from coming in.

My two youngest grandchildren prefer water and grapes (now 15 and 18) but as under 5's they'd have anything going. I'm not actually saying they should have junk food - I think it's the scourge of society, but to blame the grandparents and to try to make the siblings make them change is simply unreasonable.

What happens when you go to a kids party and they've got all this crap on offer? Are you really saying 'No, my PFB can't have this'? Probably not - you'll let them eat the crap because that's what kids parties are all about. Instead of trying the enforcement route parents should be making nice home cooked food and fruit more attractive than the junk that's available.

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:21

7Worfs · 26/09/2023 20:12

That argument gets trotted out all the time.
It doesn't matter what a 12yo chooses to eat, compared to a 9mo BABY - because at 12 at least there are some bodily systems in place to deal with shit food.
Just because they might like junk when they are older, doesn't mean to ply them with it from the cradle.

Show quote history

She hasn't said her baby has been offered sweets - she said it was a single chicken nugget. I honestly believe we're in the age of the new Puritans where everything has to be banned. It won't happen.

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:22

7Worfs · 26/09/2023 20:12

That argument gets trotted out all the time.
It doesn't matter what a 12yo chooses to eat, compared to a 9mo BABY - because at 12 at least there are some bodily systems in place to deal with shit food.
Just because they might like junk when they are older, doesn't mean to ply them with it from the cradle.

Show quote history

Forgot to add she can always avail herself of paid for childcare for the extra day, so she can avoid the possibility of contamination.

ThatMrsM · 26/09/2023 20:23

I think you'll just have to tell your parents what you want your baby to eat and provide them with all the meals/snacks you prefer. Like you said, you can't control what your siblings allow they children to eat.

I guess when your son is older you can explain to him the reasons why he doesn't get the same as his cousins so he doesn't feel it's a punishment.

Anewuser · 26/09/2023 20:26

It’s one day. If you don’t like how they’ll look after your child, then arrange alternative childcare. Simple.

UsingChangeofName · 26/09/2023 20:31

All childcare comes with some things that are done differently from the way you would do them yourself.
At least with this situation, you know what the points of contention are going to be.
Only you and your dh can decide if this is such a big deal for you, that you are prepared to give up the chance of the savings you are making by having free childcare one day a week, or if it is something you are going to have to suck up.

You might have more luck if you restrict the list of specific things he can't have, or that he has to have or you might not. However, ultimately they are doing you a HUGE favour. You either trust them overall and accept it isn't going to do him much harm for a few hours once a week or you pay for Nursery for the full 5 days (or one of you drops a day at work, or you both do 9 days a fortnight).

Dunnoburt · 26/09/2023 20:32

Worst thing my parents did for me was make "junk" food "forbidden fruit" I'm sure i dont need to elaborate....... its one day... they are helping you out...... YABU

junbean · 26/09/2023 20:33

Kids need balance in all things. If you categorically ban anything deemed unhealthy, they will seek it out even more, thinking they are missing out. Refined sugar and fried foods are ok on occasion. For daily foods I would provide healthy treats like berries, etc. to give in replacement. I probably wouldn't leave my child with anyone who didn't respect my wishes however.

Fistralstorm · 26/09/2023 20:34

Be grateful that we've passed the Sunny D and blue smartie phase.

Cowlover89 · 26/09/2023 20:40

7Worfs · 26/09/2023 20:09

They probably weren't 20 years ago, but that's corporate greed for you - constantly replacing real ingredients with "food science" cheap imitations.

Most supermarket bread is UPF now - you'd be very hard pressed to find bread that only contains flour, water, yeast, salt.

Show quote history

I work in a bakery and definitely not UPF. But not going to stop eating UPF

Original poster
MrsLeopard · 26/09/2023 20:44

junbean · 26/09/2023 20:33

Kids need balance in all things. If you categorically ban anything deemed unhealthy, they will seek it out even more, thinking they are missing out. Refined sugar and fried foods are ok on occasion. For daily foods I would provide healthy treats like berries, etc. to give in replacement. I probably wouldn't leave my child with anyone who didn't respect my wishes however.

But I'm not outright banning junk food, he will be allowed cake at parties, jam on toast, crisps for snacks but just not constantly.

My niece is 2 years old and can already tell you what she wants from McDonald's, she never drinks water, only squash and if she asks grandad for jelly babies they are available straight away. I just want a bit more restraint with my son and I feel like because my niece was there first my son has to just go along with the same.

OP posts:
Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:51

Then why aren't you paying for another day at childcare? This isn't the grandparents way and you either suck it up or pay. Your choice.

TheKeatingFive · 26/09/2023 20:54

I just want a bit more restraint with my son and I feel like because my niece was there first my son has to just go along with the same.

Well you have no rights to interfere with how they look after your niece.

So either you insist on different rules for your son or you stop the arrangement. It isn't complicated.

Iforgotmyusernameagainandagain · 26/09/2023 20:54

You are absolutely banning food - but just from your parents. As your siblings (multiple) do not object to the way your parents (who raised you to be an adult) managed to raise you, why are you bitching about it now? Pay out for alternative childcare or put up.