AIBU to ask grandparents to stop the junk food?

[MrsLeopard]

Hi,

I have a 9 month old baby who will be going to my parents one day a week once I go back to work in a couple of months. At the moment they already look after my 2 year old niece on the same day. I am extremely grateful that my parents are able to help out, I really want my son to know his grandparents and cousin well.

The issue I have is that my parents think nothing of giving my niece junk food. They have a special "sweetie cupboard " where they keep packets of jelly babies and party rings specifically for my niece. At the weekend I was visiting and they had McDonald's and were asking my son if he wanted a chicken nugget! Parents can feed their kids whatever they want but a baby doesn't need McDonald's. My mum has asked me before if she can give my son squash when she's looking after him and they laugh when I say no.

My siblings are happy for their kids to eat biscuits, sweets and chips and that is fine because its their choice but as my son gets older I don't want him feeling like he's being punished, at the same time I can't ask my siblings to stop giving their kids this food in front of my son.

What do I do? Should I approach my siblings and ask them to stop the junk food or do I just insist on my son not getting the treats his cousins do?

Nobody's misleading or gaslighting anyone. Chicken nuggets are just chicken breast and flavourings - it's right there on the website. No different to a chicken breast with flavouring from a supermarket.

I think you need to stop being so patronising though - it's not a good look

i think you need pay for your childcare if a few jelly babies and party rings are going to cause this much of an issue.

No one has called you a monster...!

That she's happy that she's healthy and her mum cared enough about her health and wellbeing. Will do 👍

DH was brought up this way and he is glad of it. I however was brought up on junk and I am annoyed at the cavities I had growing up.

I have not attacked anyone in this thread, but you feel it's "clever" to make snide remarks about MY parenting choices

@Hardbackwriter aye and all the kids who grew up in 'ingredient households' were all the ones who went mental at uni

I don’t concern myself with “optics” - I know a lot about UPF and I’m posting to support OP in her choices - her instincts are 100% spot on.
You are wrong about nuggets being an equivalent of chicken breast sprinkled with paprika, but I won’t be trying to explain that to you - I’m here for the OP.

ALL of them? My word, that is some indisputable statistic.

You are wrong about nuggets being an equivalent of chicken breast sprinkled with paprika

Depends on the chicken nugget though doesn't it? There's a wide variety out there.

OP if you want your child to eat different food, then you'll need to provide it. Or pay for childcare. Both of those options are open to you.

YANBU. Absolutely no chance my kids will be eating junk food. I don’t care who I offend. Maybe educate them, show them what goes into that ‘food’

Exactly this. It’s not a god given right to have children, if you can’t afford them, don’t have them.. or just let your parents treat their grandchild once a week while they’re doing you a massive favour saving you £200 a month.

@7Worfs are all the people you hang out so unbelievably dull?

I am in the exact same situation!! I'm sorry but your baby is 9 months that is a big no! I feed all the kids so much fruit or supply fruit so that they have that instead. They all do love fruit so it helps. They probably still get the sweets but at least it is less.

I don't let my child have any though (2Yo). But strangely he doesn't ever ask for them or eat them, even when offered. He chooses the fruit himself (for now).

With *

Isn't everything in moderation a thing any more or are we all like the poster who was worried about giving her kids a vitamin incase it was a upf... not to mention they won't eat her cooking so need a vitamin. Yeah just give your kids scurvy that's cool!

Honestly I was in a similar position although my kids were older and in the end I gave up. It's annoying as they want to spend time with them and the help is really useful but the screens, sugar and plastic tat annoys me.

I did tolerate it though, I took the attitude of you get what you pay for and just sucked it up as grandparents prerogative to spoil the grandkids.

@booksandbrooks Did you tolerate it for the free childcare? Maybe you could have paid for more professional childcare with all the money you saved from feeding your kids ready meals?

Tbf, when DS was that age, I would have died before giving him McDonalds. I was also late to the party in letting him drink juice. Fast forward a few years and it has all changed 😂

YANBU when he's this age, but there are so many things I said I'd never do as a parent that I inevitably do.

Thank you for all the opinions, I do see both sides. My son will get treats at home with us but in moderation (he can have fish fingers as long as there's some veg included in the meal etc). I just know how I grew up and how my niece eats and I want better for my son.

I think its partly more difficult for me because my niece is older and what her mum is happy with has kind of set the bar for what all other grandchildren will get. It feels a bit like her mum trumps me because she decided a year ago what she was happy with and now I have to go along with that because its what everyone's used to.

Oh ffs, it's a 9mo baby!

There will be plenty of time to eat "everything" at birthday parties, days out, Easter, and Christmas all out pig-outs - junk food is literally fucking everywhere, there is no need to also feed it at home and at childcare settings, to BABIES.

My 4yo doesn't eat UPF at home, but ofc has access to it outside the house in the form of parties, the school lunch, etc. That is moderation. I moderate the bad food that finds its way to everyone in today's world.

I wouldn’t want my baby being fed like that either. I’m not sure what you can do. It always annoyed me how people like to feed small children total rubbish which is not nutritious for their growing brains and bodies.. it wears off, oddly, there doesn’t seem to be an urge to feed older children such a lot of crap.

It feels a bit like her mum trumps me because she decided a year ago what she was happy with and now I have to go along with that because its what everyone's used to.

You don't have to go along with anything. If you're not happy with the free childcare being offered, then pay for another day at nursery or drop a day at work.

You aren't unreasonable to not want him eating McDonald's at 9 months. But it is free childcare, so comes with conditions. If you want your rules and they don't, you need to pay for childcare elsewhere.

I think you have to go the third way, and pay for an extra days childcare. That way you can ensure your child is not defiled by the stuff he or she is going to stuffing their little face with as soon as they get the opportunity. I'm not being mean, this is the voice of reason. If you're getting free childcare you can't complain about the care.

If your child gets nutritional meals the rest if the time then one day being a bit unhealthy at grandparents will do no harm. You know the situation, you cant expect them to treat the cousins differently.

I would provide pack lunch or pick up early for dinner at home.

Is your niece's dad around? What does he think? Where are all the dads here?
What does your DH think?
YANBU but it'll be interesting to see if this bothers you enough to put your money where your mouth is, stretch yourself further and pay for childcare.

You're not unreasonable OP. Plenty of people will say you are, probably because they feed their own kids the same rubbish, but a baby doesn't need or care about the sort of junk food we call "treats" in our culture. Sadly it's so ingrained and normalised that it will probably be really hard to get through to your parents. Of course it won't do immediate harm, but hopefully you can balance it out by teaching your ds about the importance of real food as he gets older.