Page 5 | Uninvited from Christmas Day

Bs0u416d · 2023-09-25T18:01:19+00:00

So, myself and my siblings (all adults in 30s) alternate Christmas day between our parents and our respective DP's parents. Thus, we have a big family christmas every two years. This year, my DM has asked us (me and DP) not to come because her dogs (two young dogs that have replaced now deceased family dogs) are nervous of my dog. Not only that, she was upset when I suggested we might have siblings and neice here on boxing day to compensate. My view was the dogs would just be expected to all muddle through for 48 hours for the sake of family. My dog is a great dane but very placid and uninterested in their smaller dogs. We'd also have been quite amenable to confining him to the utilty room but no such compromises were sough, just 'we'll miss and its a sad situation'. So, AIBU for being upset that my mother would choose her dogs over her child?

ThomasinaLivesHere · 25/09/2023 20:28

What other dogs do your siblings have that are going?

Mikimoto · 25/09/2023 20:28

It'll be lonelyyyyyy / This Christmasssss!

I'd totally do the Boxing Day, and make it MASSIVE!

GreyNomad · 25/09/2023 20:29

YANBU.

All the dog haters are rubbing their hands together with glee at this thread, but the situation is plainly unfair. I'd be hurt too in your position, being the only excluded child (and dog!!).

I do think the posters who have said maybe your mum is just getting old and struggling with things might be onto something though. Maybe worth considering.

I hope you can find a way to resolve and move forward. But FWIW I'm with you I wouldn't want to leave my Dear Dog at Christmas either, particularly not in kennels, he's part of the family (not a human/child but a part of the family no less).

Original poster

Bs0u416d · 25/09/2023 20:30

ThomasinaLivesHere · 25/09/2023 20:28

What other dogs do your siblings have that are going?

Lab and 2 doodles of various types

OP posts:

Ponderingwindow · 25/09/2023 20:30

If your workarounds still involve the dog being present on your parents property, they aren’t serious workarounds. A workaround would be you get a hotel and hire a local
doggy daycare for while you are at your parents house. A workaround would be a kennel. A workaround would be a pet sitter staying at your house with your dog for the duration of your trip.

Anything that involves the dog at your parents should rightfully be met with a so sorry we will miss you because it means you aren’t taking the issue seriously,

Original poster

Bs0u416d · 25/09/2023 20:33

Ponderingwindow · 25/09/2023 20:30

If your workarounds still involve the dog being present on your parents property, they aren’t serious workarounds. A workaround would be you get a hotel and hire a local
doggy daycare for while you are at your parents house. A workaround would be a kennel. A workaround would be a pet sitter staying at your house with your dog for the duration of your trip.

Anything that involves the dog at your parents should rightfully be met with a so sorry we will miss you because it means you aren’t taking the issue seriously,

She didnt suggest any work around, she went straight for the kill. Im happy to look at work around that don't involve him being at their house, I'm jsut upset that was not her starting position. I completely get that a 70kg means compromise (might get a whippet next time).

OP posts:

TruffleShuffles · 25/09/2023 20:33

Bs0u416d · 25/09/2023 20:30

Lab and 2 doodles of various types

Show quote history

That makes it all the more crazy, doodles are nutters. If any dogs are going to upset your mums dogs it would be much more likely to be doodles than a Great Dane.

Original poster

Bs0u416d · 25/09/2023 20:36

TruffleShuffles · 25/09/2023 20:33

That makes it all the more crazy, doodles are nutters. If any dogs are going to upset your mums dogs it would be much more likely to be doodles than a Great Dane.

Show quote history

I think it is just easy to blame our dog for their dogs bad behaviour because he is an obvious and easy target. I think perhaps that is easier than them accepting that their own dogs are poorly socialised and poorly trained.

OP posts:

Pressthespacebar · 25/09/2023 20:36

what is this other world where people take their dogs everywhere with them?

can you not just go for less time without your dog? So if you were planning to get there for lunch time til late evening, maybe just go for a few hours in the evening instead?

jolaylasofia · 25/09/2023 20:37

there are sitters that have pets over christmas...loads of people go on holiday at christmas it's one of their busiest times

Original poster

Bs0u416d · 25/09/2023 20:40

Pressthespacebar · 25/09/2023 20:36

what is this other world where people take their dogs everywhere with them?

can you not just go for less time without your dog? So if you were planning to get there for lunch time til late evening, maybe just go for a few hours in the evening instead?

Well, it takes allsorts I guess. I understand your point of view and that it must seem weird that dogs have caused this kind of family impass. We don't take him everywhere and we commonly avail ourselves of daycare and pet sitting services. Equally, we'd don't take him shopping and would never dream of taking him to a coffee shop and obviosuly leave him to spend time with friends or go out for dinner. Christmas and family occasions are different, for us at least.

OP posts:

carolmil · 25/09/2023 20:41

The comments from people who clearly dislike dogs are kind of irrelevant. Of course they’d be annoyed if someone bought a dog because they don’t like dogs 😂

But if you’re a dog family (which you clearly are) and a close family (which you clearly are) this is absolutely insane. Singling out and excluding one child when you spend every other Christmas together with no attempt to find a solution and then expecting you to just say “oh yeah great ok we won’t come for Christmas” is so strange that it’s actually quite worrying behaviour… Has your mum done anything else out of character recently?

Hummingbird89 · 25/09/2023 20:42

YANBU. Your mum’s been quite cruel, actually. What do your siblings make of this? I’d be fucking fuming if my parents treated my brother or sister this way.

category12 · 25/09/2023 20:42

My dog ignores their pair and usually just sleeps on the sofa or finds a fire to flop infront of. But she we will wanter into a room and complain he's on a sofa when so are hers!

Yeah, but your dog is fucking ginormous, isn't it? If your dog is on a sofa, there's not much room for anyone/anything else.

Dottymug · 25/09/2023 20:43

I see why you're upset as your mum should have approached this situation with much more tact and kindness but have to admit that if I was hosting Christmas Day and one of my grown up kids brought a Great Dane and let it lie on my couch, I wouldn't be happy.

BrawnWild · 25/09/2023 20:43

So you're dog isnt welcome but the siblings are?

You're sure it's your mum driving this?

Tell her you understand and organise New Year at yours. Invite her and your siblings. See how the issue is handled when you will clearly have your dog there. I'd be looking to see if evetyone else jumps in to join you or makes excuses. If DM is happy to go then her point about Xmas doesn't really hold.

I think either way the xmas mood has soured now so make other plans you will genuinely be happy with.

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 25/09/2023 20:44

How about you stay in self catering nearby? You can meet up for walks with the dogs and leave your boy behind when you go for Christmas dinner.

DisquietintheRanks · 25/09/2023 20:45

The person who is insisting "invite me, invite my dog" is you. It's your dog your mum doesn't want to invite for Christmas, not her child.

Mammajay · 25/09/2023 20:45

She was wrong imo but what you said about her dying is horrible. I think whatever happens you should phone her and apologise.

Original poster

Bs0u416d · 25/09/2023 20:47

carolmil · 25/09/2023 20:41

The comments from people who clearly dislike dogs are kind of irrelevant. Of course they’d be annoyed if someone bought a dog because they don’t like dogs 😂

But if you’re a dog family (which you clearly are) and a close family (which you clearly are) this is absolutely insane. Singling out and excluding one child when you spend every other Christmas together with no attempt to find a solution and then expecting you to just say “oh yeah great ok we won’t come for Christmas” is so strange that it’s actually quite worrying behaviour… Has your mum done anything else out of character recently?

So whilst I take on board all points of view, you're kind of right. We are a dog family and we are very close. I'm most hurt by the lack of a work around. We are all very close, my parents do seem to have become less resiliant and more focused on their own dogs and lives/priorities and small world in recent years, my mother in particular.

OP posts:

Secondwindplease · 25/09/2023 20:47

QuietDragon · 25/09/2023 19:22

No way is anyone bringing their Grant Dane to my house!

Surely you are choosing not to come by not finding alternative care for your dog?

OP you can bring your Great Dane to my house on Christmas Day. I’d be fit to burst! 🤩

43ontherocksporfavor · 25/09/2023 20:47

I’d stay at home and ask the others to yours next time and she can stay home with her dogs if she’s worried about them.

43ontherocksporfavor · 25/09/2023 20:48

However expecting anyone to house a Great Dane with a house full at Christmas is a bit off.

oakleaffy · 25/09/2023 20:48

QuietDragon · 25/09/2023 19:22

No way is anyone bringing their Grant Dane to my house!

Surely you are choosing not to come by not finding alternative care for your dog?

He so say stays in the utility room, according to OP.

My friend had a massive one-A Great Dane. his turning circle was about two metres- he was a well behaved lovely boy, but in a 'normal' house, he was indeed Massive. They do tend to be gentle dogs, not prone to nasty behaviour.

ZolaBudd · 25/09/2023 20:49

When human beings are replaced by dogs that you’ve all gone mad