Secrets out and I feel stupid

[Kittylala]

To think my 5 year old could keep her mouth shut.
I cannot look at her. I am so disappointed. She has told everyone at at school that I am (5 weeks) pregnant. Her father wanted her to know first. I wanted to tell my parents early due to a family wedding next week.
I told her it was our family secret. I told her that if it slips out - just cover it by saying 'it's a joke'.
Instead she has told 6 kids who's parents I dispise and told them to keep it a secret. The parents and I were all good friends last year. I am disabled. I don't know what happened, but they have been ignoring me for the majority of the year. I didn't want them to know.
My parents in the end didn't take the news well. Again I don't know why. I am so disappointed. My daughter is wonderful. I am angry with my partner. I am so low. How do I get back control? I wish I hadn't told anyone, not even my partner x

You can't look at her ! Poor child.

What's done is done. However, you and the father are both twits, thinking that your 5 year old should be the first to be told and then expecting her to keep it secret. She won't just have told 6 friends at school, she will have told everyone from the lollipop-man to the head teacher and random strangers in shops.

It is very early days to tell even your family. Perhaps they are worried because of your disability? Perhaps they have concerns because you and your partner lack common sense?

I hope your pregnancy goes well and you can enjoy the next 8 months.

My daughter is wonderful. I am angry with my partner.

Why was he so determined to tell people so soon?

Do your parents dislike him?

Of course she told someone, I mean come on

Yabu

You’re being horrible about your 5 year old. She is 5! School parents would eventually have worked it out anyway as you can’t keep a new baby secret. Don’t blame your 5 year old because your parents weee disappointed, that’s between you and them.

She is JUST 5 years old!
tbh having regard to your feelings towards her and this situation, are you ready and able to parent another child ?

5 year olds shouldn't be keeping secrets, you are being totally unreasonable.

I am angry that I am being forced to divulge my news to pacify others.

You [reluctantly] agreed to tell your daughter. You have to accept responsibility for that. It sounds like you could've said no AND taken on board your partner's wish to tell your daughter first. A family wedding does not mean you have to tell people you are pregnant before you are ready.

You can start taking control back with regards to your 'narc mother' - head over to the stately homes thread in relationships. It sounds like this is at the root of all of this.

Ffs the start of this is massively over the top

It's a good life skill to learn how to keep certain information private. As long as you're not asking a child to keep a secret in a dangerous or creepy way it's not emotionally abusive

Sounds like you're really struggling and have sort of attached your feelings to this one thing when really it's everything and that's just of the straw that broke the camels back.

Fuck who knows, this is your baby and none of anyone else's business. If people ask just say you weren't telling people yet in case anything went wrong, but DD forgot, and then firmly change the subject.

Be kind to yourself. Your hormones will be going crazy, and it sounds like you don't have a lot of support outside of your husband. I find family movie night with pizza and cuddles on the sofa is great therapy. Shut the world out for a bit and focus on your own little family.

I honestly think you need to get some therapy before your daughter gets caught in another generation of bad mothering. Harsh I know but you need to break the cycle. My mother managed it took a lot of therapy and hard work but she did a pretty alright job on us considering.

My mother was like this - expecting myself and my two brothers to think/act/reason like adults from a very young age. Naturally of course, we didn't...sometimes we said silly things, said too much etc. I'm now 55 and to this day my mother still attributes malice/intent to a couple of stupid things I said/did when I was pre 10. I am now very low contact with her (this is one of many reasons) live on the other side of the world from her and haven't seen her in 14 years.

Blaming a 5 year old is disgusting.

Well get angry at yourself for letting your DH talk you into telling her. If you have a dysfunctional relationship with a narcissist Mother I dont know why you were expecting her to be happy for you?

YABVVU - you don’t tell a 5 year old stuff like this and expect them to keep it a secret 🤐

Well this is just utterly ridiculous.

YABU, she’s 5. She was never going to keep this secret 🤷‍♀️

All this. No one can force you to do anything. You don't need to 'pacify' anyone. Work on your boundaries and saying no, rather than giving in and resenting it afterwards, and blaming the wrong person.

This surely can't be genuine. She's five years old and you expect her to keep a secret when you and your partner couldn't. You should never have done this to her so owe her a huge apology.

Now you can't even look at her. How utterly horrible. I would reread what your wrote, take a very hard look in the mirror and enrol in some parenting classes, to address the psychological damage you are perpetuating, with no awareness of it whatsoever.

OP people are being unnecessarily unkind IMO o think you are suffering from pre-partum depression. Can you speak to a friend, a GP?

@Darkmode2 you're entitled to think that, as am I entitled to think she's emotionally harming her daughter.

I stand by my view that you don't tell 5 year olds to keep secrets and then get cross at them for disclosing it.

RTFT people. OP has accepted that her DD shouldnt have been told and is beating herself up about it, no need to keep on at her.

Next time just get a helicopter to fly a banner across the sky, with a megaphone attached. That would be more subtle than telling a toddler