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Original poster

Secrets out and I feel stupid

178 replies

Kittylala · 25/09/2023 17:18

To think my 5 year old could keep her mouth shut.
I cannot look at her. I am so disappointed. She has told everyone at at school that I am (5 weeks) pregnant. Her father wanted her to know first. I wanted to tell my parents early due to a family wedding next week.
I told her it was our family secret. I told her that if it slips out - just cover it by saying 'it's a joke'.
Instead she has told 6 kids who's parents I dispise and told them to keep it a secret. The parents and I were all good friends last year. I am disabled. I don't know what happened, but they have been ignoring me for the majority of the year. I didn't want them to know.
My parents in the end didn't take the news well. Again I don't know why. I am so disappointed. My daughter is wonderful. I am angry with my partner. I am so low. How do I get back control? I wish I hadn't told anyone, not even my partner x

OP posts:
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 25/09/2023 17:27

Honestly, you were stupid to tell your 5yo. They can't keep secrets. I also wouldn't tell a young child at 5 weeks! I wouldn't want to be having the conversation with a child that young they aren't getting a sibling any more if anything went wrong. In fact I would tell a child that young last, like after the 20 week scan. Your partners head needs a good wobble over what he might think is 'right' and whats best for the child.

As for your parents, they don't get a say unless you're relying on them for money or childcare. They're being dicks and ignore them. If you want another child and you're happy screw them.

Burningthroughthesky · 25/09/2023 17:28

LividHot · 25/09/2023 17:26

Unwise in the extreme to tell a young child in the first place.

Source: many early losses

This.

Surely no one actually tells their 5 year old they are pregnant at 5 weeks?

TheOutlaws · 25/09/2023 17:28

Please do not ask your 5 year old to keep secrets. It is extremely poor safeguarding practice and could put your daughter in a vulnerable position with other adults.

Mojodojocasahaus · 25/09/2023 17:28

What if you miscarry? What a stupid idea to tell her and WTAF you can’t look at her

Hoping this is a troll

AnonAnonandAriston · 25/09/2023 17:28

Oh fgs SHE IS FIVE! This is on you and your partner, not your daughter. If you didn't want people to know, don't tell someone with no concept of self control a big secret

Ponoka7 · 25/09/2023 17:28

I agree with what's been said. Within months people would know. If you needed time to process it, she shouldn't have been told, how are you going to address a miscarriage with a five year old, if it was to happen? Your DH was ridiculous to tell her.

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 25/09/2023 17:28

You are expecting far too much from a five year old. If it really matters when/how the news gets out, you should take it up with your partner.

Getawaytoblazes · 25/09/2023 17:28

I think you're overreacting a lot. Your dh was a bit mad to insist on telling her so early on and it was obvious she wasn't going to be able to keep it a secret. She's five. Even putting that aside for a minute, she hasn't told them anything awful or embarrassing. My dd has landed me in bother a few times Blush, but it's just what kids are like. They don't have filters and they can't keep secrets at that age

FannyBawz · 25/09/2023 17:29

Don’t blame your daughter for a poor decision: telling. A five year old something as sensitive as this is really daft.

Favouritefruits · 25/09/2023 17:30

A five year old keeping a secret 😂 come on, you can’t blame a little girl for telling her friends a very exact piece of news!

Lulu1919 · 25/09/2023 17:30

Yelling a 5 year old you are 5 weeks pregnant and it's a secret...

  1. why would you tell a 5 yr old child so early on in the pregnancy
  2. secrets should not be a thing
  3. she's 5 ..they are excited !!

Sorry but yes your are VERY UNREASONABLE

KevinDeBrioche · 25/09/2023 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 25/09/2023 17:30

She's only 5 and can't be expected to keep secrets or contain her excitement & it's totally unrealistic to expect anything different.

Even even she wanted to keep it a secret, at 5 it would have been mission impossible. Children shouldn't be aware of adult matters until the time is right and take this as proof.

Take the positive from it, as least she's excited rather than objecting to a sibling.

Don't spoil a potentially happy time but to one hiccup. It's far from ideal but not the end of the world.

SherbetLemonn · 25/09/2023 17:31

The way you talk about your five year old daughter and her excitement about her new brother or sister is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. I sincerely hope you haven’t spoken directly to her in that way.

EffortlesslyInelegant · 25/09/2023 17:31

I'm with Kevin Grin

TheShellBeach · 25/09/2023 17:31

What will you say to her if you lose the baby?
Why on earth did your DH want a 5 year old to be told first anyway?

OddlyFramed · 25/09/2023 17:31

Firstly congratulations.

Secondly shes 5! She’s excited and doesn’t know the significance of not telling people early and you telling people. You saying you can’t look at her is worrying. She’s done nothing wrong. It sounds like you are projecting peoples negative reactions to your pregnant on her. Please just give her a hug and tell her she must be very excited

Createausername1970 · 25/09/2023 17:31

I wouldn't tell a 5 year old anything that couldn't be public knowledge. And, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't be telling anyone at 5 weeks anyway.

Your reaction is unreasonable, but blame it on the hormones while you can.

Phos · 25/09/2023 17:31

Isn’t it bad form to ask young kids to keep things secret anyway? You shouldn’t have told her if you expected her not to repeat it and your reaction is absolutely ridiculous. Unable to look at a 5 year old for failing to do something she shouldn’t have been asked to do? Please.

Why is you being disabled of relevance? It’s just kind of stuck in the middle of a paragraph with no real context - is there any reason you needed to mention it?

L1ttledrummergirl · 25/09/2023 17:32

On the one hand it's hilarious that you expected a five year old to keep quiet about some really exciting news.

On the other hand, think about what teaching your child to keep secrets can lead to when it comes to safeguarding. Encourage her to tell everyone secrets she is asked to keep as a way to protect her in the future, with a disabled parent she is more vulnerable than other dc.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 25/09/2023 17:32

I cannot look at her. I am so disappointed.

What a horrific thing to say about a five year old child.

You can’t expect to tell a child of that age exciting news and them to keep it to themselves.

You’re being utterly ridiculous to speak like that about your child.

yogasaurus · 25/09/2023 17:33

SherbetLemonn · 25/09/2023 17:31

The way you talk about your five year old daughter and her excitement about her new brother or sister is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. I sincerely hope you haven’t spoken directly to her in that way.

And people aren’t overjoyed.. wonder why. Maybe these thoughts are typical of their parenting and people are concerned

Beginningless · 25/09/2023 17:34

Your partner was foolish to tell a 5yr old and think she could keep it secret, also I don’t think young kids should know before 12 week scans. YANBU to be feeling so upset and angry with him, but like others have said, you can’t be angry with your daughter as it would not be in her capacity to keep such a secret.

kikisparks · 25/09/2023 17:34

You cannot look at your poor 5 year old? If you didn’t want her to tell anyone you are pregnant you could have kept the secret yourself and not told her. It is not a good idea to teach her to keep secrets and cause her to be ashamed when she does not manage to.

DoThePropeller · 25/09/2023 17:35

It’s also an insanely long time for a five year old, another 35 weeks to wait for sibling to arrive!