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AIBU?

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Original poster

Secrets out and I feel stupid

178 replies

Kittylala · 25/09/2023 17:18

To think my 5 year old could keep her mouth shut.
I cannot look at her. I am so disappointed. She has told everyone at at school that I am (5 weeks) pregnant. Her father wanted her to know first. I wanted to tell my parents early due to a family wedding next week.
I told her it was our family secret. I told her that if it slips out - just cover it by saying 'it's a joke'.
Instead she has told 6 kids who's parents I dispise and told them to keep it a secret. The parents and I were all good friends last year. I am disabled. I don't know what happened, but they have been ignoring me for the majority of the year. I didn't want them to know.
My parents in the end didn't take the news well. Again I don't know why. I am so disappointed. My daughter is wonderful. I am angry with my partner. I am so low. How do I get back control? I wish I hadn't told anyone, not even my partner x

OP posts:
Meeting · 25/09/2023 17:45

StSwithinsDay · 25/09/2023 17:24

To think my 5 year old could keep her mouth shut.
I cannot look at her. I am so disappointed.

Read that back to yourself. That is a really nasty thing to say about a 5 year old.

That poor child.

MsFrost · 25/09/2023 17:45

TheOutlaws · 25/09/2023 17:28

Please do not ask your 5 year old to keep secrets. It is extremely poor safeguarding practice and could put your daughter in a vulnerable position with other adults.

This!

5 year olds don't understand secrets and shouldn't be asked to keep them by adults, ever.

YewTree84 · 25/09/2023 17:46

Why was she told so early? It's far too early to even tell yourself!

WinedropsOnMoses · 25/09/2023 17:46

Oh dear.

Not going to rub it in, but do 100% agree that you're blaming the wrong (tiny!) person. She was excited - it has nothing to do with her that you despise the parents, nor that you wanted it to be kept private.

My just turned 7 year old still tells anyone and everyone everything. So does my 11 year old (some SN though for context).

I make it a rule to never tell them anything I don't want them to repeat. It's really important to me that I don't encourage secret keeping (personal experience of this as a child).

I really hope you're okay - what's done is done.No one else's business.Rest and relax and I wish you all the very best with your pregnancy xxx

24HoursFromTulseHillEstate · 25/09/2023 17:46

Congratulations OP, and I hope the pregnancy is calm and problem free.

I would concentrate more on the behaviour of your parents and why they are not happy for you / supporting you. Was this in any way expected?

For what it’s worth I wouldn’t have told them this early either. Any number of ways to hide the fact that you are not drinking.

In the end having a baby is pretty hard to conceal so, what’s a few weeks here or there?

Janinejones · 25/09/2023 17:47

Don't let them get you down with their critical answers.
You are full of new surges of hormones, and a bit anxious.
Make sure you keep the sex of the baby a secret from everyone, inc Mum and DP

towriteyoumustlive · 25/09/2023 17:47

You should NEVER ask a 5 year old to keep a secret. EVER. That was really unfair and unkind of you.

5 weeks is way too early to be telling anyone at all, even family.

I sincerely hope this post is a troll and not genuine.

Insomniaa · 25/09/2023 17:48

Please don’t let your feelings show to your five year old. Not being able to look at her is like the silent treatment and emotional punishment. A five year old simply doesn’t understand and asking them to keep secrets is completely unreasonable. You should have put your foot down with your husband and not told her rather than place this sort of pressure on her. She is most likely overjoyed and excited at the concept of a sibling and wants to scream it from the rooftops. If you genuinely can’t look at her you need to compartmentalise those feelings and stop being cruel.

FedUpMumof10YO · 25/09/2023 17:48

This reply has been deleted

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electriclight · 25/09/2023 17:48

Bloody stupid to trust a 5yo with a secret.

Look in the mirror for the fool who let the secret out.

Topseyt123 · 25/09/2023 17:48

When mine were that age I even had to keep secret from them what we had got their friends for birthday presents if they had been invited to a party. If I didn't they would just go and blurt it out.

Secrets are not safe with 5 year olds. I would have waited a few weeks before telling her. I'd be very annoyed with DH for being the one to tell her if he was expressly asked not to. You can't blame your child though.

Congratulations anyway. I hope things go smoothly for you.

Greysofa · 25/09/2023 17:48

She’s 5, so you are in the wrong expecting her to keep it secret

Panjandrum123 · 25/09/2023 17:49

Why would you expect a five year old to keep a secret?!

My DN couldn’t keep a secret at that age to save her life (in fact it was a good thing for reasons you can imagine). When playing hide and seek she couldn’t keep quiet at all.

Don’t be hard on her but equally in future don’t tell her anything you don’t want the world to know.

Our childminder used to say “the things I know about you…” god only knows what the kids told her. I just used to laugh.

Peacendkindness · 25/09/2023 17:49

StSwithinsDay · 25/09/2023 17:24

To think my 5 year old could keep her mouth shut.
I cannot look at her. I am so disappointed.

Read that back to yourself. That is a really nasty thing to say about a 5 year old.

This - telling a 5 year old to keep their mouth shut totally wrong. As is telling anyone this early especially a child. I told my own child at 20 weeks along side family

curliegirlie · 25/09/2023 17:50

LividHot · 25/09/2023 17:26

Unwise in the extreme to tell a young child in the first place.

Source: many early losses

Yup. I fell pregnant last year and we asked my DDs (3 and 6 at the time) what they thought of the idea of a baby brother or sister. I then started bleeding a couple of days later. Luckily they forgot about it and/or didn't take in the question in the first place. But if I'm ever in that position again, I would leave it a LOT longer....

BeeCucumber · 25/09/2023 17:50

5 years old. Really!

ginandtonicwithlimes · 25/09/2023 17:51

You were stupid enough to tell her then if you wanted to keep it secret.

ireallycantthinkofaname · 25/09/2023 17:51

not read full thread but good lord the child is five

MoiraRosesBaybay · 25/09/2023 17:51

Why did you think your 5 year old wouldn’t say anything?

Personally I wouldn’t want to tell them before the 12 week scan. At 5 weeks you’ve only just missed your period, there is a long way to go before you should be telling anyone really, certainly not a 5 year old.

PurpleFlower1983 · 25/09/2023 17:51

Congratulations! YABU for expecting a 5 year old to keep a secret and TBH there are worse things than it slipping out that you’re having another.

UnctuousUnicorns · 25/09/2023 17:53

My rule was always, only DH knows, until after the 12 week scan. That included our parents.

tigpig · 25/09/2023 17:53

5 year olds don't keep secrets, In fact they tell teachers and other children EVERYTHING! Teachers know all your family secrets and bad habits 😂
Works both ways my child came out of school last week and told us about the teacher farting in class. If that makes you feel any better about children being indescrete.
You or rather your DH was a fool to tell a child that early and to expect it to be kept secret was beyond foolish!
You will just have to accept everyone knows and keep everything crossed nothing goes wrong.
BTW asking children to keep secrets is a big no no in regards to safeguarding.

Ignore emoji this I can't delete it😎

ginandtonicwithlimes · 25/09/2023 17:54

LividHot · 25/09/2023 17:26

Unwise in the extreme to tell a young child in the first place.

Source: many early losses

Agree. Thankfully didn't tell my 6 year old about my last pregnancy.

LuluBlakey1 · 25/09/2023 17:54

'To think my 5 year old could keep her mouth shut.
I cannot look at her. I am so disappointed.'

Get a grip!

Dillane · 25/09/2023 17:54

Goodness me she’s only 5.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.