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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Secrets out and I feel stupid

178 replies

Kittylala · 25/09/2023 17:18

To think my 5 year old could keep her mouth shut.
I cannot look at her. I am so disappointed. She has told everyone at at school that I am (5 weeks) pregnant. Her father wanted her to know first. I wanted to tell my parents early due to a family wedding next week.
I told her it was our family secret. I told her that if it slips out - just cover it by saying 'it's a joke'.
Instead she has told 6 kids who's parents I dispise and told them to keep it a secret. The parents and I were all good friends last year. I am disabled. I don't know what happened, but they have been ignoring me for the majority of the year. I didn't want them to know.
My parents in the end didn't take the news well. Again I don't know why. I am so disappointed. My daughter is wonderful. I am angry with my partner. I am so low. How do I get back control? I wish I hadn't told anyone, not even my partner x

OP posts:
LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 25/09/2023 17:35

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UnctuousUnicorns · 25/09/2023 17:36

You write very well for a five year old, for surely this must be a reverse. Does your mummy know you're on the internet, on a forum for adults?

AnneValentine · 25/09/2023 17:36

Are you serious??

Ididivfama · 25/09/2023 17:37

Why on earth did you tell a five year old? She shouldn’t be told to keep secrets! It’s done. You will deal with it and please have empathy for your daughter.

ForeverYellow · 25/09/2023 17:37

This can not be true ?! Who
on earth would ask a 5 year old to keep a secret ? It is so unfair to blame her . Poor kid .

willingtolearn · 25/09/2023 17:37

If you really 'can't look' at your 5 year old because you asked her to do something developmentally inappropriate and she didn't manage it then I think you should consider very carefully having another child.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/09/2023 17:37

To think my 5 year old could keep her mouth shut. I cannot look at her. I am so disappointed.

My god, this is really disturbing and fucked up. I'm sorry you're feeling low, but you have got to get a grip. You can't look at your five year old?

If this is honestly how you feel, you need immediate professional help.

Haphazard8 · 25/09/2023 17:38

Don't encourage your child to keep secrets, I’m sure you wouldn’t want her keeping secrets from you.

It’s one of the first things they teach in safeguarding training.

HoppingLady · 25/09/2023 17:38

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Oysterbabe · 25/09/2023 17:38

I left a fox guarding my chickens. I told him not to eat them 😔

MargaretThursday · 25/09/2023 17:39

I think my dd was 4yo when we went shopping for dh's birthday present. We talked about how he was going to love a lovely surprise...
She greeted him at the door with:
"We've bought you a lovely present, daddy, it's a surprise... it's a tie and it's pink but we can't tell anyone because it's a secret...."

Ds at 5yo announced while we were shopping. "Look I've found some baby shoes for the baby in your tummy". I wasn't pregnant, nor had I said anything to imply I was.

Children are unpredictable, even with the best of intentions.

MartinChuzzlewit · 25/09/2023 17:39

Christ you can’t expect a 5yo to keep a secret!

Why don’t you want people to know? They’ll find out eventually. I mean the bump will eventually give it away.

slowsundays · 25/09/2023 17:39

If you can't look at a five year old because you're so disappointed she let out a secret that isn't world ending in the slightest (and even if it was, why tell a five year old?) you need some serious therapy.

Hufflepods · 25/09/2023 17:40

You should only feel stupid at your reaction to a 5 year old! Disappointed? Unable to look at her??
Catch yourself on, she’s 5!

SemperIdem · 25/09/2023 17:40

Yabu and ridiculous. She is 5.

Nobody outside of your very immediate family cares you are pregnant, get over yourself.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 25/09/2023 17:41

You don’t sound fit to have either child tbh, poor little girl. Entirely inappropriate to tell her and to be angry with her now.

Hiddenvoice · 25/09/2023 17:41

Sorry but you really can’t blame your 5 year old. If you didn’t want people to know then you should have kept quiet. Your partner is excited and wanted your child to know but you both should have realised that she would have been excited and wanted to share news.

It’s not big deal these previous friends know.

The only issue is your parents not taking it well and that’s what’s really bothering you!

VeryQuaintIrene · 25/09/2023 17:41

When I was about 7, my dad and I went to a party without my mum because she hated the hosts, but the excuse was that she wasn't feeling well. I told the hosts' children what the real reason was and it got back to their parents, and even then, my parents were a lot nicer to me about it than you are being about this ridiculous problem.

newfriend05 · 25/09/2023 17:42

You husband's an idiot

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 25/09/2023 17:42

I hope this is bullshit.

Beaverbridge · 25/09/2023 17:42

In the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter. Don't blame her she only a child.

Stompythedinosaur · 25/09/2023 17:43

She's 5! Her brain works very differently to an adult brain.

All the blame is in you imo for telling her and not expecting her to tell others.

Inkpotlover · 25/09/2023 17:44

I cannot look at her.

Don't blame her or be angry with her - she's only five!

momtoboys · 25/09/2023 17:45

Oh, for the love...

you "can't look at her"? SHE IS 5! The dramatics on this board continue to stun me.

MariePaperRoses · 25/09/2023 17:45

It's wrong to ask a young child to keep a secret because it puts the notion in their minds that secrets are ok which in certain circumstances they are not.

I don't understand all the secrecy either.

So what if people know your pregnant!

All this such and such must be the first ti know is really not that important.

I could t care less if mine tell me they are pregnant and I'm the first or the last person to tell as long as they tell me eventually!

It's ridiculous and unnecessary drama.