Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

[Dadfromthesea]

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

There's a wooden fence beyond the wire fence (towards the Joneseses house) that is OP's boundary fence.

Yes but ops chain fence is INSIDE the boundary, i could understand if it were outside

YANBU

Install a motion-activated sprinkler system around your trees.

You could hold a midnight feast party on the riverbank, copy their seating area even, what fun !
Dresscode: camouflage and night vision goggles 🥳🥂🍻

Sorry, I’ve not been clear (although God knows why you couldn’t work it out from the technical drawing I did yesterday. It even had a moon on it for God’s sake. What more do you want?).

In the photos you can see a flimsy wire fence. It is very old and broken, and serves no purpose. Beyond that, before the stream but down the bank a bit, is a wooden fence. Height-wise it doesn’t come up to the height of the wire fence or the eyeline between the two back gardens. You can’t see it in the photos because the bank slopes quite steeply on both sides (hence them having to traverse the stream with a ladder. Once more. A ladder). You can reach the trees without climbing over the wooden fence, but you’d have to reach over it.

I had no involvement in the construction of any of the fences, so I have no idea why they are where they are, or why it’s not very tall. Let me say here what I said after that suspicious fire - ‘It was like that when I got here’.

But the important thing is that there is no way Mr and Mrs J would think that the trees beyond the wooden fence on our side of the stream, are theirs. Unless they are deeply, irretrievably insane.

I think you'll find trees belong to the gods of woodland and mayhem, and nobody else.

I hope it does keep going on and on! This is keeping many a mumsnetter amused!

Thank you OP for clearing up the fence issue. My new, considered opinion is that if there is enough flat ground between the trees and your tiny wooden fence, the only reasonable thing to do is to get an identical set of patio furniture and set it up opposite theirs.

This but replace "seating area" with "Bandstand" and host weekly brass band concerts,

Sensibly you should check your deeds to confirm exactly where your boundaries are, then go and see them.
However, as a true Mumsnetter, I think you should remove the mega shroud and replace it with a large placard with a suitably passive aggressive message.

In which case, surely no one would attach sheets, tarps or whatever to them 'Unless they are deeply, irretrievably insane.', as the OP fears?

@Dadfromthesea I think you should have us all over for tea. You've made quite the impression.

I'm jealous of all the new sheets and shrouds and tarps your mad neighbours are gifting you. Tying them to a tree is obviously not the standard delivery method, but you got them anyway.

Now is the time to create some sort of tented village. Put a note on the ladder specifying what type of sheeting you'd like next - maybe some old school army camouflage? See if they deliver on the request. Like santa.

I do love bonkers neighbours stories. Not when they are my neighbours though. I've had one who accused me of stealing his land (I didn't, it was my land shown on my deeds and on his) and then informed me that he had actually had some of my land. Approx 15cm wide by length of my garden was now in his garden by nifty shifty fence building. He said he didn't want it but wouldn't move the fence to give it back to me. Bonkers.)

No no a FESTIVAL! @Dadfromthesea you've got enough space for a mumsnetter festival, right? Music, fashion shows (Style and Beauty), a very noisy creche (lots of babies that don't sleep), a dogs area (ruff, ruff!), in-house therapists running sessions in tents (I have a friend who does this at Glasto).
Oh it could be MARVELLOUS! And noisy.

This is hilarious, I trust you are taking those red handled IKEA scissors to work again tonight?

Just waiting for this to be picked up by a journo...it will go viral

@#£ ....@<%....@€$■......

The sound of @Dadfromthesea running for the hills 🤣

@Fallingthroughclouds 🏃

I think this too. Also reckon they want a nice view of the stream so don't want anything their side. Having a sheet up on your trees is a windbreak whilst they sit in their lovely open seating area listening to the water trickling down the stream.

We may all choose to make modest offerings, in the hope that one day the gods will be appeased. These may include hanging sacred tarpaulins as an acknowledgement of the Great Hymenaios.

For this same reason we keep the sacrificial chimenea well stocked with sage, myrtle, and various accelerants, in readiness for guests.

Cut it off your trees while they are there? They can't possibly think this is OK?

Obviously check your deeds etc

Are you sure they arnt just trying to create a Wishing Tree, and getting it massively wrong?

Just bung your own clouties up and show em how its done. .. next the the blair witch twigs obviously...

https://www.terriwindling.com/blog/2015/06/the-blessings-of-the-trees.html

@MrsJoneses 😱it's YOU!

ooh I love the patio furniture idea.

However I wouldn't be at all surprised if you wake up one morning to find they've installed a 6ft fence on your side of the stream. I'd be more worried about their next move than the trespass, depending how attached you are to your new patio area last few ft of your garden and access/sight of the stream.