Re friend bringing dog everywhere

[Toomanythalias]

My friend got a dog a couple of years ago and now insists on bringing him everywhere. If we want to go for a coffee we have to go to a dog friendly cafe. If we want to go for a meal we have to go to a dog friendly restaurant. If she calls over to any of our houses she assumes it's ok to bring the dog. We probably should have said something before now as it's been really irritating us.
Anyhow, we're going away early next year for a few days to celebrate a couple of big birthdays in the group. We were planning to spend a weekend in a hotel somewhere like the Cotswolds, and just enjoy a couple of days relaxing, chatting, eating nice meals etc. However this friend is just assuming she can bring her dog, and is sending lists of dog friendly hotels for us to check out. We told her yesterday that we don't want the dog to come and we don't want to stay in a dog friendly hotel and she needs to sort out care for the dog while she's away. She is now in a huff, says she doesn't want to come, she's obviously not wanted ..... I'm torn between feeling bad and feeling exasperated with her attitude.
Were we being unreasonable to have put our foot down?

If she's not willing to compromise then you have your answer - she's considered it and decided she prefers the company of her dog to yours. She'll quickly find a new like-minded friendship group.

I have had dogs for the last 30 odd years and they do limit our social activities quite a bit. Our present one is a rescue with separation anxiety, so we can't put him in kennels, so we have just had to adapt around him. We still go out without him, and in emergencies he's on his own in the house, but I miss out on a lot of friendship group stuff where it really wouldn't be appropriate to take him. And that's how it is.....

Definitely not BU. I avoid all hotels that proclaim they welcome dogs. Just because she has chosen to have low hygiene standards, doesn't mean you all have to shack up in a dog-filthy hotel.
The sooner dog-people realise how anti-social they are being, the better. Soon they will be seen by the majority in the same way we now view smokers.

Have you considered this might be an emotional support dog?

Surely the friend would have said this at some point? And the friends would have had some inkling that an ESD was needed or had a role? And friend would have alluded to how much help the dog is etc? Or the friend just needs to say!

Friends can’t be expected to second guess stuff. Where would it end?

And you maintain that this dog/lifestyle is worth it? Losing out on human interactions and your friendship group for the sake of a dog?

what a ridiculous post. Humans are filthier than animals!

Emotional support dog, dog is her child... all the same bollocks. She is being a self centred idiot by assuming every plan can be reshaped to add in the dog, and she's being a crap pet owner by not training the dog to be able to separate from her. What if she needed to go to hospital for a week, a month? What's the dog going to do? If her argument is that the dog would be so terribly unhappy at being away from her that any absence would be cruel to the dog, she's made the dog like that - she has essentially given the dog separation anxiety, so she's fucked up her own animal.

(And I have a dog, grew up with dogs, whole family has dogs, I like dogs, before anyone starts. I also have anxiety, diagnosed and medicated.)

well it doesn't sound like a very honest and open group of friends if they also never discussed the dog being around with her until now despite not liking it, so maybe not!

I own dogs and would never presume to take them with me when invited somewhere! Its weird and rude! Not everyone is comfortable around dogs.

I actually think YABU. Not because of the dog really, but because you should have said something earlier. Although I appreciate that’s difficult. It’s now come to a head because she’s presumed it’s fine.

FWIW we had a similar issue but with a friend’s boyfriend. Could not go anywhere without him and it was tedious af. I’d have rather she brought her dog tbh. Would have added more to the conversation.

I don't know a single human who has deliberately rolled around in fox shit or rutting deer piss, or eaten dog poo, or had their nose in another dog's ass, or indeed licked their own balls. Not sure what kind of humans you associate with.

She needs to get over her bloody strop IMO. She is being absolutely ridiculous and now petulant by not responding to you. She’s punishing you.

I had a friend like this. HAD.

We have a dog and we sometimes do bring him away with us on holiday (but not all the time) however we dont expect everyone to invite him everywhere and we dont just assume that its ok to bring him. Your friend is being unreasonable in wanting everybody to fit around her Dog. Having a dog with you dictates what you can do and where you can eat and stay etc, we find it quite restrictive at times and we love our dog. Your friend needs to be reasonable, I would just tell her that its not fine to assume he comes everywhere and that you dont want to be restricted by her dog, if she cant understand that then she is completely unreasonable.

I don't think this would work anyway as if you're doing eg a spa weekend, it's unlikely the hotel would let your friend leave the dog in her room while she was in the spa. And as dogs can't regulate their own body temperature, surely even she would realise she can't take it there?

She does sound a little bit nuts but maybe she's going through a hard time and the dog is her emotional support. I have two dogs and I get that. I do also employ a dogsitter when I go away - it's a lot less hassle anyway than trying to make everything work with two dogs there. What sort of dog is it?

This is so out of order . Also annoys me so much “the dog was so upset “ did it tell her in
english , Spanish ?

I have dogs sometimes they come with me others not . I met someone with a dog we couldn’t go anywhere or do anything . They had created anxiety into the dog . They were needy and made the dog the same. Time with me and my dogs helped the dog. We split the ex went back to his ways and the dogs went back the way . I feel sorry these animals.

Honestly keep saying no, you are doing her and the dog no favours
Ive missed out on loads now I use kennels . These are the choices we have as dog owners . Unless we are lucky enough to have friends or family to help .

Exactly !!!

Yes I agree. It was just irritating the way she kept stubbornly ignoring all hints that we didn't want the dog to come and someone just eventually blurted out 'for God's sake can't you leave that bloody dog at home for once' and when she started protesting we all started explaining to her how annoying we found it.

I didn’t have much sympathy for your friend (and I say this as someone who has and loves dogs) until you posted this, OP. I still think you and your other friends are in the right but can also see that your friend may have felt ganged up on — especially if she’d been oblivious to (rather than ignoring) your more subtle hints. Not saying she’s right but it sounds to me like an instance where you’d all been quietly seething and then it all came out — which, regardless of the rights and wrongs, isn’t necessarily very nice to be on the receiving end of…

Don't be so bloody ridiculous.

Not wanting a dog to come on every excursion is not dog bashing is it!!

As for "her real friend" remark, how puerile.

@PrinceElan I have experienced a barking dog in pub/restaurant. It was in a stroller type thing and as soon as it saw another dog it started barking.
Owners were eating.
They turned the dog buggy around to face the wall. Apparently they'd asked to be seated in area where there would be no other dogs.
Very fucking annoying whilst you are eating and chatting.

Tell her she can stay in a dog friendly hotel if she must, but you don't have to.

Yes, I agree with this. Totally fine to not want the dog on holiday of course, but its the fact you've all obviously talked about it amongst yourselves instead of with your 'friend'.

Oh and yes @Toomanythalias you and your friends are allowed to voice your opinion on your friend inviting her dog on your break.
If she is able to find a sitter or similar and wants to join you all would she be welcome now?

At least most humans don't eat their own sick and other animal's shit, then try to lick your face...

Or as my country dog used to do, roll around in rotting sheep and cow carcasses then expect to be let back in the house for cuddles.

YANBU

Shes setting up the dog to have awful separation anxiety if she never leaves it