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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Unemployed friend

170 replies

Sianholby · 25/09/2023 11:55

Need some advice really on my friend. She was made redundant at the end of last year and hasn't got a job since - she's been out of work now for nearly a year.
She lives alone and is constantly asking me to go round to her or can she pop round for lunch. I work from home two days a week, three days a week in the office so during earlier in the year when I wasn't busy, I didn't mind her popping round occasionally on my WFH days.
However now I'm getting busy and she keeps turning up on my doorstep on my work from days. I understand she is lonely but she could apply for jobs or do something by herself.
I've told her I'm busy as we have a big project ongoing now until the end of the year but last week Friday, I had to leave a Teams call to let her in as she drove round.
She seems in no rush to find a new role after her redundancy but I can't keep supporting and seeing her when I work full time 9-5 with three children. Any advice as I've said I'm now busy but she still turns up as she only lives 10 min drive away?

OP posts:

Noideawhatsgoingon · 26/09/2023 21:08

I had this. Now I pin a notice to front door politely saying that I am working on a project deadline and can’t be interrupted. sorry I can’t come to door .
catch up later

hope this helps - I only had to do this once

Loz2323 · 26/09/2023 21:13

Errr....just don't answer your door.🙄

Cola2023 · 26/09/2023 21:20

Loz2323 · 26/09/2023 21:13

Errr....just don't answer your door.🙄

Some people are pushy. I've had people go to the back of the house to look in if I haven't answered the door.

BardRelic · 26/09/2023 21:31

The English version of the zombie apocalypse is basically people opening their doors and saying 'oh do come in, no I wasn't at all busy' whilst being eaten, isn't it?

ThereIbledit · 26/09/2023 21:37

"Hi Sally, hope you're doing ok. Just to let you know I need to concentrate on my work during work hours, so please don't pop round during weekday work hours any more. I'd still love to hang out with you, just outside of my working hours. Shall we go for coffee this saturday, say 10am?

Loz2323 · 26/09/2023 21:37

So? You still don't open the door, its as simple as that

MehtotheChristmasrunup · 26/09/2023 21:44

I don't get it. You're working. You don't answer the door and if she comes round the back you say - I'm in the middle of work, I'll text you when I'm free. Looking a bit irritated helps too.

Her depression isn't helped by you not paying her attention because you are working. Make a plan to meet up. Give her something o look forward to.

GUARDIAN1 · 26/09/2023 22:27

I really feel for you. I work from home permanently and have for the last 23 years. I do go out to see clients and to some meetings (although people have got used to online Teams meetings much more since covid). I've had to be very firm with some friends and family members, repeatedly, as they seem to assume I can please myself and spare them 10 minutes, an hour, an afternoon. I'm afraid you will have to be very clear that on your work days you are working. The way I finally addressed it with people was to ask whether, if I was office based, they would have similar expectations. Working from home requires enough self-discipline, without other people trying to get in the way.

Danielle9891 · 26/09/2023 23:23

I'd lie and say your boss is getting really strict on people taking breaks so from now on you're not allowed anyone over between 9-5. Say your boss is checking up on everyone . That way she can't get offended.

junbean · 26/09/2023 23:50

Sianholby · 25/09/2023 13:28

Sorry I didn’t make it clear - I left the Teams meeting briefly to let her in and then went back to the Teams meeting whilst she was sat watching telly.

i know I have to tell her - just trying to find a way without hurting her feelings as she suffers from depression which didn’t help when she was made redundant last year

This makes sense. She's probably using you to curb her loneliness and depression. It's understandable but she needs to make efforts to fix it instead of rely on you. I would have a nice talk with her, not while you're busy or upset, but as a friend. Help her come up with a strategy to get help and be firm about your obligations too. Plan a time to get together next so she doesn't feel totally rejected.

Kwasi · 27/09/2023 06:34

Lie. Tell her your company is changing its WFH policy and you have to be five days in the office again.

MikeRafone · 27/09/2023 09:48

print her a list of day time volunteering positions, next time she turns up

Stand int he doorway and state you have work to do and can't let her in as you have back to back meetings etc

Hand her the sheet and say, why not look into volunteering and making friends that are around in the daytime, then you'll have company - we can meet up at other times but I don't have the capacity to meet daytimes.

Cakeorchocolate · 27/09/2023 09:52

Why did you leave the meeting to let her in!
Quick text message, sorry I'm in a meeting. Pop over after work hours / I'll call after work.

Something along those lines.

ScotsBluebell · 27/09/2023 11:16

You have to tell her, nicely but firmly. And if she doesn't understand, just ignore the doorbell. If she asks why, say you were in the middle of an important meeting and couldn't come to the door. DH and I have both WFH for a long time and used to have this problem all the time. Over the years - and perhaps with more people WFH now - people have got used to it.

Proudofmynane · 27/09/2023 11:32

You know if you keep interrupting important work meetings to 'answer the door to CF friend' you could end up unemployed as well???? Stop enabling this behaviour and stick a note on your front door saying she can't come in!! Maybe make every meeting with her all about a new job/volunteering role? Help her or point her in the direction of help to get a new job!! Just out of interest what does she do in your house when you are obviously WFH? ie on a Zoom call?

readbooksdrinktea · 27/09/2023 12:09

BardRelic · 26/09/2023 21:31

The English version of the zombie apocalypse is basically people opening their doors and saying 'oh do come in, no I wasn't at all busy' whilst being eaten, isn't it?

😅

Womencanlift · 27/09/2023 18:56

My friend text our group chat today to say that they have been given two weeks notice stating that they will be back in the office 4 days a week, no excuses and attendance will be monitored via data from the security card swipe in’s

The reason was (and these were her words not the actual corporate communication) too many people have taken the piss by not coming into the office, not turning up for calls as they were on the school run, people having workmen in the house while on calls etc.

She got all that from her line manager who obviously shouldn’t have told her the details but he is pissed off too with his fellow managers who haven’t been effectively managing for two years

I think it’s nice that you care about your friend but she wouldn’t turn up at your office and sit by your desk waiting for you to finish so why is it ok for her to do it when you are at home?

MrsKnows · 27/09/2023 20:32

Good answer! ⭐️👍💕

Welshmonster · 28/09/2023 10:33

Maybe just be in the office more or switch your days around so it’s random. You are going to need to be firm

Baba197 · 29/09/2023 06:56

Ignore her knocking on the door? She knows you are working, dont answer calls during work hours and just text later saying sorry couldn’t speak earlier I was working!

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