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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unemployed friend

170 replies

Sianholby · 25/09/2023 11:55

Need some advice really on my friend. She was made redundant at the end of last year and hasn't got a job since - she's been out of work now for nearly a year.
She lives alone and is constantly asking me to go round to her or can she pop round for lunch. I work from home two days a week, three days a week in the office so during earlier in the year when I wasn't busy, I didn't mind her popping round occasionally on my WFH days.
However now I'm getting busy and she keeps turning up on my doorstep on my work from days. I understand she is lonely but she could apply for jobs or do something by herself.
I've told her I'm busy as we have a big project ongoing now until the end of the year but last week Friday, I had to leave a Teams call to let her in as she drove round.
She seems in no rush to find a new role after her redundancy but I can't keep supporting and seeing her when I work full time 9-5 with three children. Any advice as I've said I'm now busy but she still turns up as she only lives 10 min drive away?

OP posts:
squashi · 25/09/2023 12:39

Directly ask/tell her not to visit on your WFH days.

JudgeRudy · 25/09/2023 12:40

I think you know what you need to do, you just don't want to do it! It's uncomfortable, I get that, but this is a perfect example of short term pain to avoid long term distress. The former remains at a static price.
The latter will increase over time and cause the most damage.
Do it. Have the talk.

TheMerryWidow1 · 25/09/2023 12:44

if you won't talk to her, put a note on the door saying you are in meetings all day and can't come to the door.

Gnomegnomegnome · 25/09/2023 12:46

How can you expect her to respect your working hours if you can’t either?

You walked out of a meeting to let her in? What kind of job do you do that allows you to leave before the end of a meeting?

You said that you are also supporting her? In what way?

PurpleChrayne · 25/09/2023 12:47

FOJN · 25/09/2023 12:00

You left a teams meeting to open the door to her so you aren't acting busy even though you tell her you are. Stop answering the door to her.

Why pretend?

This sort of dishonesty perplexes me.

PurpleChrayne · 25/09/2023 12:47

Quoted the wrong post!

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 25/09/2023 12:49

Don't answer the door.

Cinnamope · 25/09/2023 12:51

I can’t believe you left a meeting to answer the door..just ignore it or text her

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 25/09/2023 12:52

Just because she knows your wfh days and turns up on your doorstep doesn’t mean you have to let her in to your home and then entertain her! This is genuinely ridiculous. You are working - don’t answer the door, remind her that you are working from home, not having a day off, and tell her you can’t see her in the middle of the working day. She’s doing it because you haven’t set any boundaries or indicated you don’t want this to happen. Can’t believe you left a work meeting to open the door to a bored mate who turned up for a chat despite knowing you’re meant to be working. It’s not professional.

CalistoNoSolo · 25/09/2023 12:55

Wow. I was surprised that you thought it acceptable to entertain your friend when you were meant to be working. But then you prioritised your friend over an ongoing work meeting? I think you badly need to review your priorities because you'll be out of work too if you carry on like this. You're massively taking the piss here and if I was your manager I would be keeping a very close eye on your productivity from now on.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 25/09/2023 12:55

When you WFH you are paid by your employer TO WORK. You are not paid to socialise with your friend, unless you are making up the time afterwards. Be honest and tell her this, and not in a wishy washy way. Say when you can and can't see her and stick to it. Don't say you will be at home just that you're not available. Dont answer the door, don't even read her messages that she's coming round or is on your doorstep.

sodthesodoff · 25/09/2023 12:59

You left a meeting to answer the door? What the hell did your work say?

But essentially you're telling her she is more important than your work. So maybe don't do that? Unless you also want to be unemployed.

Sceptre86 · 25/09/2023 13:02

You have to be firm. Do not answer the door when she presses the doorbell. If I was on a teams call I'd have fired a quick text to say, 'I'm working, stop pressing the doorbell, you're being rude'. She's being cheeky and you have to nip it in the bud. The only way to do so is to be frank and say you simply aren't available during working hours and she needs to find something to occupy her time with.

LookItsMeAgain · 25/09/2023 13:04

Explain it to her in terms that she can wrap her head around. As someone up thread suggested, you wouldn't be able to have her in your office when you're not working at home, so your home-office should be treated the same.

Tell her that you can't see her while you're working. End of.
Suggest that she go to the local library and use their online systems there to possibly search for a part time job or even to read or find some local groups that she might want to join but during the time that you're at work, you're at work and not able to socialise with her.

Best of luck explaining it to her.

heyathere · 25/09/2023 13:04

Just don't answer the door and message her "sorry, in meeting, giving presentation" etc

Vinrouge4 · 25/09/2023 13:05

Obbydoo · 25/09/2023 12:00

Use the Teams call on Friday as an argument. Tell her your employer bollocked you for answering the door and explain that it's starting to cause problems at work. Pretend it's as disappointing for you as it is for her but sadly you'll need to stop seeing her during the week.

This is very good advice. Text and say your boss was annoyed and so from now on you won't be able to see her while you are wfh. It might spur her on to look for a job if you aren't readily available.

kitsuneghost · 25/09/2023 13:06

Don't answer the door

heyathere · 25/09/2023 13:06

sodthesodoff · 25/09/2023 12:59

You left a meeting to answer the door? What the hell did your work say?

But essentially you're telling her she is more important than your work. So maybe don't do that? Unless you also want to be unemployed.

I mean I've left meetings if postie / delivery man at the door, but that's over in seconds to minutes. I can't imagine what happened afterwards – polite chit chat with friend while still absent from meeting? Or friend sat around making herself at home like a child in mummy's office while OP rejoined the meeting? How weird

cuddlebear · 25/09/2023 13:07

Just don’t answer the door. I often wfh and if I am busy, I don’t answer.

This is a non problem really, you just seem to have trouble with normal boundaries. Is that a wider issue?

WhateverMate · 25/09/2023 13:10

You're making this far more complicated than it needs to be.

Tell her to message in advance to ask if you're free and not working.

If she doesn't do this or turns up anyway, do not answer the door.

Natty13 · 25/09/2023 13:10

When she comes to the door text her "sorry i can't answer the door I'm on a with my boss for the next 3h* about this big project we have"

She lives 10 mins away it's not like it is a super hard ordeal to go back home again.

  • you need to add this part as piss takers will always offer to wait.
MidnightOnceMore · 25/09/2023 13:12

I had to leave a Teams call to let her in as she drove round You didn't have to!

I ignore the door when I'm working.

sodthesodoff · 25/09/2023 13:12

@heyathere yeah some work are more flexible than others. But I've been in meetings where even answering the door is frowned upon. You're scheduled to be in a meeting. You wouldn't just walk out if it was held in the office.

Besides which my postie doesn't hang around and make himself comfy in my house while I try to work...

Op needs to set boundaries. She's currently telling her friend it's okay to override her saying no, I'm busy. But she needs to enforce this.

heyathere · 25/09/2023 13:14

@sodthesodoff depends I guess, in fact lots of offices have concierges where people get shopping or deliveries sent to them due to being at the office 24/7. yeah agreed, such a weird situation, why would friend even want to be there eavesdropping on/watching someone else work

uncomfortablydumb53 · 25/09/2023 13:15

You need to get over the awkwardness you feel
She knows you're working, not on a day off
She should be feeling awkward for bothering you.
Kindly, you are not there to solve her loneliness
Don't answer the door and text her that you're working and not available

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