Unemployed friend

[Sianholby]

Need some advice really on my friend. She was made redundant at the end of last year and hasn't got a job since - she's been out of work now for nearly a year.
She lives alone and is constantly asking me to go round to her or can she pop round for lunch. I work from home two days a week, three days a week in the office so during earlier in the year when I wasn't busy, I didn't mind her popping round occasionally on my WFH days.
However now I'm getting busy and she keeps turning up on my doorstep on my work from days. I understand she is lonely but she could apply for jobs or do something by herself.
I've told her I'm busy as we have a big project ongoing now until the end of the year but last week Friday, I had to leave a Teams call to let her in as she drove round.
She seems in no rush to find a new role after her redundancy but I can't keep supporting and seeing her when I work full time 9-5 with three children. Any advice as I've said I'm now busy but she still turns up as she only lives 10 min drive away?

Note on the door. “In teams meeting. DO NOT KNOCK OR RING BELL. I’m not coming out or letting you in.”

I'd do this. If she keeps doing it after you have explained, I'd block her on everything.

Good god, do none of you ever pop out of a teams meeting for a moment to accept a delivery? It's not like every work single meeting is super formal. And it sounds like she didn't know her friend was coming over.

I honestly don't think people believe what they're saying on here half the time, they just like to put the boot in for the fun of it

Put a note on the door.

And next time don't answer it.

YABU for keeping her company when you are supposed to be working.

You're either working or not. How are you managing to spend time with her if you are working? Ypu can't be that busy.

If I was working I wouldn't have the time to spend time with friends.

Yeah I would have let her in too the first time (not after that though, would simply send text saying busy). There are lots of daily low level meetings, not every meeting is a presentation to the board.

But it's just as easy to say- sorry can't spend time together today busy with work and shut the door.

Sorry I didn’t make it clear - I left the Teams meeting briefly to let her in and then went back to the Teams meeting whilst she was sat watching telly.

i know I have to tell her - just trying to find a way without hurting her feelings as she suffers from depression which didn’t help when she was made redundant last year

Try letting her down gently by opening the door quickly and saying something like, 'I'm working!!! Do you even knows what that means anymore?' before slamming it loudly in her face.

Contact your local estate agents to see if you can borrow a 'SOLD' sign to put up outside your house.

In the book I'm reading about Medieval castles, they poured hot oil from the upstairs windows whenever they felt under siege... Do you feel under siege?

If you share a mutual friend (s), you could quit your job and then join forces and go around to their house everyday.

Working is so overrated anyway.

It's not - I have a neighbour like this.
'Sorry, I'm working until 5pm so can't hang out - you're welcome to come around outside of my work hours though'

None of us would be commenting at all if the OP wasn't posting about a dilemma of her own making.

You can't keep telling your friend you are working and too busy to see her, let her in every time she arrives without invitation or announcement and then complain. It's really basic adulting.

No one is putting the boot in - just pointing out the obvious.

I have a friend like yours op but in my case was ringing me during my work hours about non urgent things like she had a disagreement with her brother or someone was rude to her in a shop.

I had to be very very blunt with her and tell her not to contact me during working hours unless it was an emergency and explained what I considered an emergency.

Just don’t open the door. Have your headphones on. Let her ring a few times then sms her “Sorry I’m in a work call and only have time for a 5 min break today - call me at the weekend if you’re free and maybe we can arrange lunch at your place in a few weekend’s time?”

I had to leave a Teams call to let her in as she drove round.

No, you didn't. You chose to.

Voted YABU
For goodness sake, TELL HER she can't keep 'popping round.
And if she turns up again, send her on her way.
No point two of you being unemployed because you've been sacked.

Why is it a 'blow' that needs 'softening'? 🙄 Ffs if adults can't use their comprehension skills that's on them.

Just be matter of fact about it. If you beat around the bush she will see your embarrassment and feel awkward. Just say my work is getting really busy please can you message me before you come over as I can't always stop for a chat/lunch etc.

To help with her boredom/loneliness and to benefit you can you ask her to babysit for you?

Tell her your boss is pissed off that you're not paying enough attention to your work when working from home and that from now on you're only free for a few hours on the weekend.

If she turns up, ignore the door.

Had similar ,years ago before WFH. Neighbour who didn't work would ( if allowed ) have turned up at my house everyday.
I worked 3 evenings per week til quite late and all weekend. Mornings were for cooking ,cleaning, shopping, taking care of pets and baby. The hour after lunch was the only rest I had before my children arrived home. I tried to keep my free evenings for family and everything else including elderly relative who needed help. My free time was very important to me.

She would just appear at my door. We didn't have much in common except that youngest DC went to same school.

I tried hinting,I tried telling ( nicely) but no. Three or four afternoons a week I was trapped in my living room by this woman. I was quite timid then and really didn't want to upset her. She always had a "problem" to discuss but there was never any resolution.

Eventually,she turned up at my door( after being told I had someone else calling..regarding insurance and true!) . She let herself into the porch and tapped on glass inner door until I went and stood there. I didn't open it. Didn't start apologising . Just said" I told you ,no." And refused to open the door. She didn't call again ,although I saw her at school. We just said" hello" and moved on.

I cant believe that I was worried about upsetting someone so thick skinned.

Hope you manage to sort this OP. Unfortunately making excuses or giving explanations doesn't seem to work with some people. It's sad that she is depressed but she needs to find help and not be making your life difficult.

I had to leave a Teams call to let her in as she drove round.

Stop answering the door.

If she knocks for 10 mins then so be it, she’ll soon get the message.

Most teams calls don’t allow you to just stop the meeting to go and answer the door.

This is why so many employers are reducing the WFH because some people take the mick.

The next time she turns up would be the perfect excuse to not answer the door and then if she texts you reply later on saying you’re working.
Then you can say she needs to text to see if you are busy as you most likely will be.

I think this is a good way to handle it. Say you're happy to meet but has to be pre arranged. How does she not need to work financially? The longer she doesn't work, the harder to get back into it.

Just ignore her

Send her a message with a resume of all that is there plus " I have three kids I have to pay for their keep, or something like that." With a warning that if she ever tries to come during working hour she is out of your life for good. Also you can tell her that if she wants to see you you are seeing her outside your house. Your house is your sanctuary and workplace and she lost the right to get in. Tell her also that if she even thinks about banging on your door you will call the police. You hope that she understands, and you wish her to find work, as she needs it, and that you can go back to a positive and fruitful relationship for the both of you. I did not have your courage, you are a kind person.

As @Passthesickbagmabel said some people are thick skinned and no amount of hinting is going to work.

You need to be firm and say you cannot come around whilst I’m WFH as I’m too busy.

What’s the worst that’s going to happen?
She’ll get upset and not talk to you for a while which will benefit you anyway.

Well this. You are choosing to so unless you stop there's not anything anyone here can say. Use the teams meeting as a perfect reason. You aren't responsible for her. She clearly doesn't care that she is affecting your job, given what happened to her does she??

You left a meeting to answer the door? What the hell did your work say?

I thought this. Stop answering the door when you're in a work meeting/on the clock unless it's an emergency.