Group of school mums.

[Hiwelcome]

There is one group of school mums who have children in my daughters reception class. Every drop off and pick up they stand in a circle chatting away and seem very involved in the school, seem to know everybody and everybody’s children. I’ve noticed they are quite hostile towards me though and have started giving me ‘dirty looks’. I have never spoken to them but do smile and this morning one of them gave me the evils back. I know I shouldn’t care but it’s annoying me as this is every morning and I’m just trying to go about my day and drop my daughter off to school but it’s bothering me.

"When you are a teenager, you care what other people think about you.

When you are in your 30's , you stop caring what other people think about you.

When you are in your 60's, you realise no one was thinking about you at all".

Ignore them, they don’t sound nice people to befriend.

People post social media posts about children being kind to one another going back to school, yet some adults cannot do it to other adults, it’s a shame.

What have they done that’s unkind? Other than spoken to their mates?
I don’t see for a moment from what the OP has said that any of them have given her dirty looks.

You'll cultivate your own friendships/acquaintances soon enough or just get good at turning up just in time to avoid the small talk.

I did have a situation when I was sure I was picking up "we don't like you" from a bunch of mums at school and from one in particular. It was a bit awkward and made me feel about 12. No idea why, I am bang average. I did have a husband who did some school pickups. Completely standard level if you compare it to mum parenting but somehow qualifies him as dad of the year because he has testicles!

Anyway that mum, completely out of the blue by all accounts, made a attempt on her own life. Shocking but not in a nosy judgey way. Shocking that she could be in a low place and it not show on the outside. Anyway, I heard she is doing better. And I try to concentrate on me and being a good, nice person cos that's what i can control. You can't know what's going on inside someone's head so don't compare their outside to your inside.

I am do glad those school years are behind me. They were the worst.

One of the mums in DS’s class thought the rest were all in a clique and always talking about her behind her back. Of the 24 kids in the class, 13 all went to nursery together and another three all lived close by and were regularly in the park together. Parents can’t apologise for knowing each other before their kids start school.

Do you think you might be reading too much into it? The vast majority of parents aren't going to spend their time giving other parents evils outside the school gates. Have you tried going up to talk to them or are their other parents you talk to instead?

This happens at every school but it’s really nothing to do with hating on other people. One of the school mums actually called me out for being part of “the mum club.” She was joking because I’m friendly to everyone but I do always talk to the same group of women every morning but that’s because I know them. This is how “covens” start. I knew a mum because she lives on the same street as my parents and our kids play together. So we stood together, then she knew another mum who came to talk with us and I knew another mum so then there was 4 of us. Then after a few weeks when our kids made friends we chatted to a couple more mums and then a couple more until there was about 8/9 of us. None of us are slagging off anyone else. We’re moaning about our kids and chatting about how busy we are then we go our separate ways and that’s it until the next day.
If you want to make friends at school just go and join in the conversation, it’s simple.

This is the sort of silly, thoughtless post that just feeds the paranoia.

These women are literally having a chat to their friends and you're accusing them of 'bullying'?

Ridiculous, I'd like to see your face if your kids got accused of 'bullying' for having a chat, and apparently giving 'evil looks' to others while they're doing it.

This MN is obsessed with the madness of 'these playground bitches who are clearly below me, ignore me and only talk to each other'
Yep, how dare people who know each other have a chat and not all stop and venerate when people they don't know appear!

Same thing happened with my PFB’s Reception class. I clearly remember arriving outside the classroom, one of the Queen Bee group turning around to see who it was, me smiling at her, and she just scowled back 🤣

It was a long time ago now but I was crushed at the time. I didn’t want to join their exclusive gang, but a friendly hello might have been nice.

So far we've had 'Coven' and now 'Queen Bee'.

Any more sexist language so I can get my bingo card out?

Don't waste your emotions and time on these people. It's just not worth it.

So many mn posts.

OP "The queen bees/covens /mean girls are all horrible and ignore me"

Second update: "Sure, they have all known each other since nursery days, and also I'm too shy to talk to other mums at dropoff, so just smile occasionally and shuffle my feet if anyone tries to make conversation. But I'm 99% sure one of them actually put a curse on me yesterday, when I was standing with the sun right behind me and she glanced in my direction with her face scrunched up and her hand shading her eyes. They hate me, and my child".

Half the posters: "omg yes, they were also all awful to me, just because I never talked to them and assumed they're all sexist witches. Stay paranoid, sister, and ignore them dramatically so they now assume that you're a mean school mum looking down on them, your child will learn from watching you and hearing you moan to your partner/friends/mum, and the cycle of pain will continue forever".

FFS.

Just wondering.... not that the mums behaviour is acceptable at all... but could your child be bullying or hurting other children?

I couldn’t get annoyed by this. I couldn’t give two hoots what the mums at the school gates think (or don’t think) of me. I’ll smile or say hi and have some small talk but I couldn’t be overly bothered by having mum friends at the school.

My main reasoning is I have my group of close friends I’ve been friends with for x years. And I have work colleagues who I consider friends as well. I don’t really “need” any more. And in terms of the benefit for my child- I’ll always be friendly and polite and stay out of any drama so they aren’t affected. Yes, they might not get invited on as many play dates, etc, but it also stops the possibility of me and x mum friend at the school falling out and my kid being ostracised because people can’t disconnect between me and my child.

I’ve seen this happen before on several occasions and it can actually get quite nasty.

So that’s why I stay neutral. It’s the best of both worlds.

When my son started school we knew no-one. Recently moved to the area, no nursery or park friends. Didn't know any of the other mums.

At first I did find it difficult, no "evil glares" just a bit challenging to join in the chat of people who already know each other (from nursery etc.)

But a deep breath and a couple of whole class parties and a "Hey I'm x's mum, he's mentioned your son a couple of times, could we dona playdate?" Later and it turns out I am maybe in the coven.

It doesn't come naturally to me either but I swear to god these are just normal people living their normal lives and if you say hi and join in with the chat, you'll find it is just a bunch of totally normal people doing a totally normal thing - gently socialising with a focus on their kids.

Go over to them and talk to them , talk about the weather, a new school rule. Whatever ...

Its the dreaded Mummy Mafia.

Honestly OP life will be so much easier when you literally drop off and pick up.

Dont worry about the wanky dynamics of the Mummy Mafia. Its them. Not you.

Gosh, the responses on this thread are so different from the usual responses to threads like this.

Usually these threads are absolutely filled with this ^^ sort of thing.

Honestly, this sort of response just reads as so incredibly chippy.

Women talking together are not being ‘bullies’ or ‘pathetic’.

And anyone who thinks someone who doesn’t even know them is ‘giving them the evils’ needs to get over themselves.

Honestly I suspect they are not wearing their glasses and look like they are giving dirty looks but are likely squinting!

On MN having friends is seen as a bad thing. Women are apparently awful.

@Princessconsuelabananahammock9 women are awful, mother in law's are even more awful and all men are bastards....no wonder no one ever answers their front door 😂

Do they have older DC in the school so have an existing friendship group?
Did their DC go to nursery together?

How do you come across in general?
Are you open, friendly, smiley, chatty or are you closed, resting bitch face, shy, unfriendly?

Not sure if you want more friends or not or just commenting on how people are looking at you.

If you do want more school friends you probably are going to have to get involved - PTA, playdates, chatting at birthday parties, organising a coffee meet up. You are going to need to be proactive about this

Try this experiment: next time you see them, assume with your whole being that they are super friendly, welcoming and that they really want to be friends with you. I guarantee things will change.