Group of school mums.

[Hiwelcome]

There is one group of school mums who have children in my daughters reception class. Every drop off and pick up they stand in a circle chatting away and seem very involved in the school, seem to know everybody and everybody’s children. I’ve noticed they are quite hostile towards me though and have started giving me ‘dirty looks’. I have never spoken to them but do smile and this morning one of them gave me the evils back. I know I shouldn’t care but it’s annoying me as this is every morning and I’m just trying to go about my day and drop my daughter off to school but it’s bothering me.

I see these posts do much on MN

Firstly unless you are shooting them dirty looks there’s no reason in the world they’d give you a dirty look.

Secondly, women are allowed to be friends with some people without being friends with everyone. I knew loads of mums before my DC started school so naturally we spoke in the playground. Never occurred to me I should speak to my friend.

Thirdly - get involved! Speak to them! Join the class WhatsApp, join the PTA. It’s no use standing around expecting to be spoken to, I find you have to take affirmative action to make friends these days.

I find the whole “school mum clique” moaning often steeped in misogyny. Not necessarily from this OP now but the generic feeling that women making friendships are bitches and bullies, it reeks of misogyny

It's not misogyny in 99% of cases. It's just wanting to make friends or misinterpreting body language.

And then there's me, who drops off at breakfast club and picks them up from after school club and never sees anyone 😳

Well said! I have lots of mum friends in school, I would never feel bad and if my DH referred to my friendship as a coven I’d be wearing his bollocks as earrings.

The friendships of random school mums is not my responsibility.

And it is sexist because no one EVER says this about dads

This response should be posted on every single one of these threads.

Dads aren't the ones that usually do school pickups. Mums aren't trying to get into sad friendship groups so hardly making threads about it

So not a misogyny issue. Not everything is misogyny/sexism. Can see it from both sides and why it's grating when you're just having a chat and people are reading into it🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe not where you live. I can assure you dads do drop offs and picks ups here. A lot of kids at DS’s city centre primary are there because one or both parents work at the nearby hospitals or university, rather than because it’s close to home. Probably 60/40 women to men. It must be really depressing living somewhere where doing the school run is such a sexed activity.

It’s absolutely misogyny. Someone even used the word ‘coven’. Because women have the nerve to have friends

To all the folk who think people like this cannot exist in real life, I absolutely assure you they do here!

They're the same ones who don't bother to respond to party invites then just turn up on the day, with siblings in tow (at paid-per-head, pre-booked activities) and huff and tut when asked to pay separately for siblings. Then they stand with their backs to all the other parents while the kids are playing.

OP, don't sweat it - I guarantee there'll be other parents outside the clique who are outgoing enough to talk to you - just look friendly and smile, they'll find you soon enough.

Ignore them.
I remember some nasty cow turning her back on me when I said hi on the first day of pickup from reception. Kids are nearly 18 now. She's still a nasty cow.

These threads always have groups of mums giving dirty looks (even though that’s very unlikely) and the social awkward trot onto the thread to tell the OP to put her head high in the air and ignore them.

So what you probably have is women going “God look at that snooty woman who ignored us and never speaks” 😂
Either make the effort to make friends, or don’t, but never expect them to make the first move

Silly women. Stop smiling at them. Just pretend they don't exist.

Yes silly women having the gall to chat to their friends. What bitches. Any decent lady would shout “Here ye hear ye. Who wants to join in our conversation?”

I'm only saying they're silly for apparently giving OP dirty looks all the time!! It's absolutely fine for them to chat to their friends.

What would be any actual reason for giving the OP dirty looks. I do think when people say this it’s in their head. I have a resting confused face (rather than resting bitch face) god knows what people think when they see me

I’m sure there is a massive difference between talking to your friends and being rude and dismissive and looking down your nose at someone who dares to say hello.

Do people actually do this? I hear about it all the time on MN but I’ve never seen it. At worst people just smile back but some people are seriously shy so I don’t take offence

I am curious to what a "dirty look" actually is. I frequently look like I am scowling (so I have been told) but actually I am squinting because I need new glasses and the sun is always in my eyes.

Just ignore them. I never get why people get worked up about this stuff.

It seems that the it's the posters who talk about drama who are creating the drama.

Everyone else just gets on with things 😂

They do. There’s just the one in my daughter’s class though so I’ve just given up trying with her.

Yes I have a resting confused face that looks a bit like this 😒 so I’m sure plenty of people think o give them dirty looks when actually I very rarely think of people I don’t know and have never met

This x 100%

Also, @MojoMoon 's posts on P1

Yes, YABU

Other dads" excluding one dad, unheard of.

Because in order to know someone feels excluded they have to voice it. Fewer men do pick up than women and they also aren’t conditioned to be suspicious of and hate other men

SOME groups of women excluding or trying to exclude a man is very sadly too common

Not IME and TBH I think anyone who feels this is imagining half of it and also isn’t bothering to actually make the effort, but they expect others to.

Why do a group of female friends have the include a random man anyway?

Ever wonder what happened to the school bullies when you left? This. This is it. This is the peek of their day. Be happy you are not this pathetic 😆 in all seriousness, it’s a very real thing and super annoying but honestly, ignoring them and just going on as normal is the only way.

It’s pathetic to have friends?

Thats literally all these women are doing.