Group of school mums.

[Hiwelcome]

There is one group of school mums who have children in my daughters reception class. Every drop off and pick up they stand in a circle chatting away and seem very involved in the school, seem to know everybody and everybody’s children. I’ve noticed they are quite hostile towards me though and have started giving me ‘dirty looks’. I have never spoken to them but do smile and this morning one of them gave me the evils back. I know I shouldn’t care but it’s annoying me as this is every morning and I’m just trying to go about my day and drop my daughter off to school but it’s bothering me.

As if ‘coven’ is a totally value-neutral description of a friendship group

@MartinChuzzlewit I know very well what gaslighting means, Martin!

If this isn't gaslighting then nothing is!

I'm not engaging with your goading anymore. You've been reported. By many it seems. You're trying your upmost to get a rise out of anyone you can and it's just not going to work with me, mate! Sorry

Why would they? To elevate themselves by putting the OP down. Pathetic as it is, this happens. Between strangers. It's odd that you can't believe it @MartinChuzzlewit

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which a person, to gain power and control of another individual, plants seeds of uncertainty in another person's mind. The self-doubt and constant questioning slowly cause the individual to question their reality.

Its not saying “Nah you misinterpreted that look”

Most people are reasonable. Most people at school pick up are just interested in collecting their kids. WHY would someone persistently do this? You may as well say “Some people want to murder kittens” but it’s not relevant to the conversation because there’s no indications anything of the sort is going on here

I mean, the indications would be that it's every morning this is happening to the OP
Once, maybe imagined.
Twice, maybe misinterpreted.
Often, with a non-returned smile = unfriendly little clique.

I’m with you @MartinChuzzlewit

Many look for shadows where there simply aren’t any simply because they feel put out for some reason or another.

i had a great group of friends at my children’s primary. Still friends. Moved them late primary and was definitely on the outside. Never for one minute did I think they were “hostile” or “bitchy” or simply chatting with their friends

Agree with you are saying but some people unfortunately are unkind. So coven is quite an apt description for them. I’ve heard them and I’ve seen them.

It's a tired, sexist term no matter how nasty the women were being.

What's wrong with calling them a group of nasty women, instead of 'coven'?

The OP hasn't said often. She gave 2 examples. One was probably rude and the other one may have been a dirty look or could have been a resting bitch face or thinking of something else.

You have used the term gaslighting incorrectly .
It's a form of sustained abuse in intimate relationships.

The only way someone can give you a dirty look is if you are standing there looking at them!
Op described looking over at the group of women chatting.
Now if your view is that other women are " evil bitches" have a guess how you come across.
Friendly,approachable ?
😂

Gaslighting
Narcissist

Thrown around like sweeties on Mumsnet.

The overwhelming majority of posters that uses the terms - are talking out their asses!

OP: one of the mums gave me an evil

Mumsnet: No you didnt. You must be imagining it. Maybe its you that has the problem.

The thing is people have so many things going on.
Divorce, death,money worries, ND, kids with ND, their cat died, they are late for work, headache,migraine,period pain,unwanted pregnancy, wanted but unable to conceive, miscarriage,elderly parents, a cold, covid, they didn't sleep well, a hangover.

All of those things might affect how someone behaves or appears to others.
NONE of it is anything to do with YOU.
It's so self centred to think everything is about you and really unpleasant to call a whole group names.
Honestly if you feel the need to call other women cunts I think you are the problem.

Are you ok OP? How did school run go today?

I can imagine there's an element of self fulfilling prophecy here too. You spend your preschool parenting years reading about school mum cliques and how there's always a queen bee and how awful all school mums are (apart from all the school mums on Mumsnet, they're ok- it's just those awful ones we don't like). When your kid starts school so see a bunch of 5 mums talking and you think 'that must be them, they're the clique- look they're fairly fashionable and look put together I wonder which one is the queen bee??' And it escalates from there.

The rest of us were probably too busy getting their kid into school/ asking about lunches/ picking their kid up off the floor or whatever to notice or may have been classed as a bitch or vicious cunt as they didn't notice you smiling because you'd just dropped off a crying child and you're trying to get off the school grounds before their own tears came.

I know this might seem massively awkward but keep smiling at them and saying hello. It's virtually impossible to keep up dirty looks with someone so pleasant and smiley. I've done it to a few people in my village and their face now softens and they say hello back. It's magic honestly! Kill them with kindness is what I was told and it works for me.

so that’s questioning

not gaslighting

Don't do this.
Respect people and leave them alone if they aren't interested in you.
If someone had done this to me when I was grieving they would have been told to f off.

Really? Anyone who smiled or said hello to you when you were grieving you swore at? At some point the grief eases and if you feel connected to the people around you it becomes easier to transition back into normal life. If you completely cut yourself off it feels like a massive hurdle to them resume normal interactions. Anyway, you do things your way but the OP can choose to continue having an awful time or try something different to see if she gets a different response.

She’s not saying to bother them

just smile and say hello

If someone had done this to me when I was grieving they would have been told to f off.

what? If someone smiled and said hello to you? And didn’t know you’d lost anyone

No if someone was clearly goading and forcing me to interact even though they could see I didn't want to.

It's the kill them with kindness comment btw
Surely if someone doesn't respond you would leave them alone?
Not keep pushing

Thank you everyone for your comment@LittleMonks11 I’m ok, thank you for asking. I got chatting to another mum today as my DD has made friends with her DC

@Denimdreams

shes talking about smiling and saying hello

not starting conversations with them every time you see them