Group of school mums.

[Hiwelcome]

There is one group of school mums who have children in my daughters reception class. Every drop off and pick up they stand in a circle chatting away and seem very involved in the school, seem to know everybody and everybody’s children. I’ve noticed they are quite hostile towards me though and have started giving me ‘dirty looks’. I have never spoken to them but do smile and this morning one of them gave me the evils back. I know I shouldn’t care but it’s annoying me as this is every morning and I’m just trying to go about my day and drop my daughter off to school but it’s bothering me.

Again, I didn't call them bitches.
Read the actual words.

Not that’s not all - also there’s heaps of sexism - all because women have the nerve to have friends.

And you wonder why they don’t want you to join sisterhood 🙄

@Allofthisisasimulation no I haven't. I have seen parents who talk to other parents they know, like I do too. There is this strange assumption on Mumsnet that everyone on the school run needs to make friends with everyone and people are going around throwing dirty looks at strangers. The people on the receiving end of this behaviour are also the ones using terms like 'vicious cunts, mummy mafia, clique, covens' etc. Also judging parents for potentially not working. I think that if you're prone to thinking like that about others when doing something as basic as the school run which isn't that deep then they might be the ones with the problem and if they're thinking that others are the 'mummy mafia' maybe their non verbal communication is giving off vibes that leads to a scowl!

How is describing mums as ‘bitchy’ different to calling them a bitch?

Youre trying to be clever with semantics but we all know what you meant

Again, that's actually what you are getting from this? As for joining a sisterhood, there's reasons some folk steer clear of those.

Sure, tell me what I meant.
Of course, you know better.
Sigh.

Well I don't think people are helping the OP by all this ridiculous embellishment to be honest. They are busy talking to each other about what none of you know but as it's a group of women they must be being bitchy, right?

Whereas the more likely scenario is that they are chatting and catching up and not paying that much attention to anyone else.

If I'm not in a particular group I wouldn't expect them to stop and all start talking to me when I arrived. I make my own way in and chat to poeple as an when I see them

If I've had a shit morning I might well not be smiling my face off either

Mums at school are just ordinary bloody women they are no different they aren't some evil subspecies or put there under any moral ologation to nod and smile to the whole world.

So by ‘bitchy’ I’m assuming you meant ‘lovely’ 🤣

It’s a good point though that this ‘God such bitches not including other people’ is only reserved for playgrounds mums.

If you’re in a cafe with friends no one thinks you’re a bitch if you don’t ask the person on their own to join in.

I wonder if it’s because they’re confusing school playground with actually BEING at school where children so somewhat have an o ligation to ensure others aren’t excluded. Or if it’s because according to the Rules Of Misogyny the only thing worse than a woman is a woman who has procreated

These type of threads are fascinating from a sociological point of view. The amount of people who are going through life with what must be a kind of mild paranoid personality disorder is really interesting. The reality is most people at school pick up are there to pick up their kids, perhaps have a friendly chat with someone they know while they are waiting, and then go about their day without obsessing over perceived slights, or who was talking to who etc..

Maybe there really are women out there who use the school pick up to re-live their own school days, but I really can't believe it is a widespread as it would seem from reading posts on mumsnet. Far more likely the OPs and their cheer leaders are a little too obsessed with what other people think of them in an almost pathological way. I would suggest if you are that type of person to look into meditation practices to help you ground yourself and not constantly look for instances of external validation from random people in the school pick-up line - who are just there passing the time with people they happen to know/be friendly with and certainly won't be giving you as much headspace as you are giving them!

@Luana1

I did mention Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria on the other thread.
It's pretty common that people with some ND conditions perceive the average behaviour of others as a rejection when there is absolutely no intent.
Relationships develop, one doesn't just stand there watching others and expecting an invite, it rarely works like that.
Neither does saying hello to every person you pass, there needs to be some common ground otherwise it appears needy.

The other Mum/ Mums might feel stared at or uncomfortable, hence the look.
I also think gaslighting is being used incorrectly here, it's a term used in prolonged abusive relationships.
Someone having a different view is not gaslighting.

Sorry the second bit was to the thread in general

That's interesting, I've never heard of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria I wonder why it is becoming so (perhaps over-) represented on Mumsnet.

Yes I agree, I don't know why some posters are mentioning gaslighting when people are simply offering an alternative, and frankly more plausible, explanation to the situation.

Next time one of them gives you a look like that say "are you alright? You seem upset. Is there anything I can do to help?"

It's not sexist at all, it's accurate for the most part! Us women ARE both more likely to form groups and less open to others joining said groups than men are. If this was researched then id happily bet on it!

I don't think anyone minds anyone talking in their friendship groups. Anyone who has got that from the OP is wilfully obtuse.
But when someone walks past and smiles it is customary good manners to smile back not give an unfriendly look, which I'm sure the OP wasn't imagining.
People have made mountains out of molehills here. It isn't a sexist conspiracy to say that this unfriendly and basically rude attitude exists, in the op's experience and in plenty of other school gate encounters.
Desperate seeking to excuse bad manners.

But what’s wrong with forming friendship groups? Why is this a bad thing? Why do they have to include everyone and not just the people who they are friends with? It’s not actual school

Were you there? No?!

The gaslighting on this thread is shocking! OP I too have experienced this in one of the schools we've attended. Was a group of bitchy mums who, as it turned out, would just sit and gossip, slag off & glare at every single other female who wasn't part of their 'club' it was the most ridiculously pathetic thing I've ever witnessed. I only discovered this (after having been glared at several times) when I was stood behind them once. The vitriol! They were even making fun of a child's older sibling with Down's Syndrome at one point and giving her evils, poor kid.

Some people never grow up. Just pity them. Oh and ignore the gaslighting on this thread as well!

@MartinChuzzlewit Did I say there was anything wrong with forming friendship groups?! You've twisted my words right round there to fit your own narrative! Every thread I see you on, you're doing this twisting nonsense! Pack it in!

Gaslighting - saying, no you didn't experience that, it's all in your head. That's definitely been said.
And has OP said she's been staring at them?

It’s part if life - used to be similar in my office. I wouldn’t say it’s bitchy, that’s not really how it is (some of them might be, but not most).
It’s a clique or a group of friends depending on how you see it and how it makes you feel. At the school gate it seems to amplify. I’m so glad my kids school days are over, although at secondary school it wasn’t a thing because the school busses took the kids home.

Firstly, I don’t think gaslighting means what you think it means.

It’s very common and perfectly normal to misinterpret non-verbal cues. It’s most likely no one was giving her a dirty look - because why would they? Most people don’t go tour giving dirty looks to people.

How do you know these mums were bitchy? Did you stalk them? I find it REALLY hard to believe that a group of women stare at EVERY OTHER WOMAN who isn’t their friend. This isn’t Motherland it’s real life.

True!

You said Us women ARE both more likely to form groups and less open to others joining said groups than men are.

Whats wrong with that?

Because it’s only ever women that are criticised for it