Page 9 | Group of school mums.

Hiwelcome · 2023-09-25T07:59:06+00:00

There is one group of school mums who have children in my daughters reception class. Every drop off and pick up they stand in a circle chatting away and seem very involved in the school, seem to know everybody and everybody’s children. I’ve noticed they are quite hostile towards me though and have started giving me ‘dirty looks’. I have never spoken to them but do smile and this morning one of them gave me the evils back. I know I shouldn’t care but it’s annoying me as this is every morning and I’m just trying to go about my day and drop my daughter off to school but it’s bothering me.

NowWhattt · 26/09/2023 11:17

MrsPinkSky · 26/09/2023 09:15

Nope, these women are just chatting with friends.

They're not responsible for the sexist pricks here using language like 'Coven', 'Queen Bees' and 'Mummy Mafia'.

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Agree with you are saying but some people unfortunately are unkind. So coven is quite an apt description for them. I’ve heard them and I’ve seen them.

For some they may just be standing chatting , absolutely yes, of course, but for others, no.

An example: I overheard a group of these women standing and talking about an extremely overweight Mum and her choice of clothing who was standing in front of them.
It was completely unnecessary, unkind and I felt very uncomfortable even hearing it.

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 11:21

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2023 11:14

If you're feeling lonely on the school run you need to think of strategies to make friends if that's what you want. Smiling from afar isn't going to do it. Look for people you think are your kind of people and make small talk. Or chat to the parents of your children's friends. There's so much small talk you can have at the school gate, you can say how the new teacher is settling in well, or what's they're kid going to wear for the next dress up day etc.

The onus is on you though, the vast majority of the other parents are too busy dealing with their own shit to be looking at every other parent on the school run to decide who is lonely, who doesn't have friends etc. they're probably just trying to grab 5 minutes to offload to a friend about their stressed out morning or how they're stressed about their day ahead.

Good advice about using your child as a strategy. I notice kids come out and run to their mates which is a good opportunity to introduce yourself - “Hi I’m Geoff’s mum, he talks about Nigel all the time” etc

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 11:21

Denimdreams · 26/09/2023 11:17

Do you think I'm demented?
For suggesting people stop staring at other people and expecting them to suddenly be friends.
Can't work out if I'm reading this wrong..

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Sorry no!! I meant the poster you were quoting, I agree with you completely

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 11:22

NowWhattt · 26/09/2023 11:17

Agree with you are saying but some people unfortunately are unkind. So coven is quite an apt description for them. I’ve heard them and I’ve seen them.

For some they may just be standing chatting , absolutely yes, of course, but for others, no.

An example: I overheard a group of these women standing and talking about an extremely overweight Mum and her choice of clothing who was standing in front of them.
It was completely unnecessary, unkind and I felt very uncomfortable even hearing it.

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That IS obviously unkind but that doesn’t mean you paint all women with the same brush

NowWhattt · 26/09/2023 11:39

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 11:22

That IS obviously unkind but that doesn’t mean you paint all women with the same brush

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I never painted all women with the same brush. Not at all.
I think people are allowed to have an opinion on it due to their own personal experiences. Some have a good opinion but others not so much, but when a group of nasty and hateful people mock someone within earshot in a school playground, there is little else I could say or think about it other than a coven. I certainly wasn’t going to think “ wow, what super kind individuals these are.. I wish I was their friend”.

No I am not and equally I have not said that this applies to every single women standing in the school playground.

Of course not because I would be then very wrongly generalising an entire gender and how silly and wrong that would be.

BotanicalNames · 26/09/2023 11:46

Passepartoute · 26/09/2023 07:34

When my children were in primary school I used to talk to three or four other parents and keep away from the clique. I do remember pissing one of them off severely, though, when I came in for a meeting with the head and she tried to tell me off for parking in an official school visitors' parking place, and I pointed out that it was an official school visit as I was a governor.

The thing is, though, that their perception of power is completely illusory. Within a primary school, at most their power is limited to ordering people around at school fairs and similar, and no-one has to volunteer for that if they don't fancy being ordered around. People who hang on to these groups become really quite lost and rudderless when their children move to secondary school where there is much less parental involvement.

I used to talk to three or four other parents and keep away from the clique

But there were probably other people outside your 3 or 4 friends that saw you as a clique!

There are some really bonkers posts on these threads (not referring specifically to the post I've quoted). So it's ok for some groups to be friends, but if others are they are a clique. I don't know what people like the OP want - for everyone to stand silently and not interact with people they are friendly with. As for people giving her 'dirty looks' it does seem implausible, but if she is staring at these other people long enough to watch their expression change then perhaps they think the OP is the one giving dirty looks, or at least staring rudely at them?

Denimdreams · 26/09/2023 11:50

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 11:21

Sorry no!! I meant the poster you were quoting, I agree with you completely

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haha I complete read it wrong!

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2023 12:01

I think the other thing to remember is that not everyone will be the kind of person you want to be friends with and vice versa. That doesn't make the other people be in a clique, the mummy mafia, birches, queen bees, be in a coven, a vicious cunt or whatever else they have been called.

I think a lot of people on this thread need to look at themselves and their own attitude towards others. They talk about these awful unkind groups of women but can't see the irony about the language they're using to describe them. If they're thinking these women are 'vicious cunts' I wonder what their non verbal communication is showing?

Dancingonandonandon · 26/09/2023 12:16

Quiet morning in the playground MartinChuzzlewit ? I wasn’t saying that everyone should make sure they say hi to every passing parent. Seems like you’re having fun this morning

Rosejasmine · 26/09/2023 12:17

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 11:00

Why?!

We are parents not school kids.

Why are women responsible for the feelings of literally the next strange woman?

Also I think most people standing alone are happy to do so and would be creeped out by some rando bouncing up to them to say
‘hellooooo’

Here’s a a thought - that big wet thing in your mouth. Use it if you want to be included. Don’t stand about thinking “Well NO ONE is approaching ME even though they’re not psychic, how rude!”

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It’s a choice - you can choose to actively ignore and blank or respond in a positive way to someone. I’m not saying it’s a must.

Yes, many people are perfectly happy standing alone, but this is not what the OP has experienced and she doesn’t understand what’s happening and why when she has tried.

I think we can see why it’s happening and this group of mums are not her kind of people and that will not change. They don’t care and they never will. Time to accept it and move on. Each to their own I guess.

HauntedPencil · 26/09/2023 12:33

Haven't we all got our own little group of friends at various places? If you haven't done anything to them and have no reason to have come into contact with, I'm sorry, but I'm a bit doubtful they are giving you dirty looks.

HauntedPencil · 26/09/2023 12:34

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2023 12:01

I think the other thing to remember is that not everyone will be the kind of person you want to be friends with and vice versa. That doesn't make the other people be in a clique, the mummy mafia, birches, queen bees, be in a coven, a vicious cunt or whatever else they have been called.

I think a lot of people on this thread need to look at themselves and their own attitude towards others. They talk about these awful unkind groups of women but can't see the irony about the language they're using to describe them. If they're thinking these women are 'vicious cunts' I wonder what their non verbal communication is showing?

Agree! Always the same on these threads. Based on what, who knows. I'm not in every group plenty of times I'll be standing alone when a group chat, but why take that personally?

ChristopherTalken · 26/09/2023 12:59

HauntedPencil · 26/09/2023 12:34

Agree! Always the same on these threads. Based on what, who knows. I'm not in every group plenty of times I'll be standing alone when a group chat, but why take that personally?

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I dont think the OP ever disputed that?

And I agree with you, I resent the idea that I am meant to have anything in common with another woman just because we have a child.

My response was to the pages of responses gaslighting OPs experience.

LastNightAPandaSavedMyLife · 26/09/2023 13:06

Some parts of this thread are fucking ridiculous!

I have a group of school mum friends, we chat in the playground and socialise outside of school.
I didn’t realise I was part of a clique/coven whatever and must make an effort to say hi to everyone in the playground. For the record we don’t bitch we stand and chat about our day/work/kids.

Funny how groups of women friends are only cliques in the school playground. If I was in a cafe or a park why would that be anything but a group of friends.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 13:09

Ah yes, the mums who are still living out their bitchy school girl clique life.
Best ignored/acknowledged only when you absolutely have no choice.

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 13:09

Rosejasmine · 26/09/2023 12:17

It’s a choice - you can choose to actively ignore and blank or respond in a positive way to someone. I’m not saying it’s a must.

Yes, many people are perfectly happy standing alone, but this is not what the OP has experienced and she doesn’t understand what’s happening and why when she has tried.

I think we can see why it’s happening and this group of mums are not her kind of people and that will not change. They don’t care and they never will. Time to accept it and move on. Each to their own I guess.

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But the OP hasn’t tried. She’s stood there speaking to no one and raged. But you’re right it’s a choice - she’s chosen to do Irving and say nothing

They probably don’t care because they probably don’t know OP exists and why would they?!

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2023 13:12

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 13:09

Ah yes, the mums who are still living out their bitchy school girl clique life.
Best ignored/acknowledged only when you absolutely have no choice.

They are bitches for having a chat on the playground? What would you prefer? They stand in silence or make sure they speak to every single parent in the playground every single day?

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 13:15

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 13:09

Ah yes, the mums who are still living out their bitchy school girl clique life.
Best ignored/acknowledged only when you absolutely have no choice.

Women who have friends are bitches? Really?

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 13:16

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2023 13:12

They are bitches for having a chat on the playground? What would you prefer? They stand in silence or make sure they speak to every single parent in the playground every single day?

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Do you always start a question with a misquote?
My point remains.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 13:16

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 13:15

Women who have friends are bitches? Really?

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Another one starting with a misquote.
My point remains.

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 13:17

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 13:16

Do you always start a question with a misquote?
My point remains.

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What is your point? YOU used the word bitchy. What do you mean? Why are they bitches exactly?

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2023 13:17

@Allofthisisasimulation why are they 'still living out their bitchy school girl clique life' then? What are they doing wrong?

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 13:18

Ironically the only side who are being bitchy on this thread are those that don’t like that women speak to each other.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 13:20

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2023 13:17

@Allofthisisasimulation why are they 'still living out their bitchy school girl clique life' then? What are they doing wrong?

Have you honestly never seen/experienced this type of mother at the school gate? Still thinking they get to decide who is in favour or not? If you haven't then you're really lucky.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 13:21

MartinChuzzlewit · 26/09/2023 13:18

Ironically the only side who are being bitchy on this thread are those that don’t like that women speak to each other.

That's really what you're getting from this?