To ask you for a great come back?

[Hollabackgal]

Been dating a guy a while. Been on about 5 dates, slept together a few times. It’s fairly casual.

I turned 40 this year and I’ve been really into boundary setting and stating what I want during dating, which is serving me well.

He has been a bit on and off with the texting (although very reliable about meeting in person). Twice now I’ve called him out for not replying to messages mid-way through a conversation.

I’m travelling at the moment and we were exchanging some fun, adult messages (all consensual and nothing too explicit) and Saturday night he asked for a photo.

I very gladly obliged…and I haven’t heard a peep back since. It’s now early hours of Sunday morning and he still hasn’t replied!

I’d like to come up with a sensible response for when he does reappear (which he will, I’m sure).

That was truly a boundary for me. Not responding to small talk is one thing. Not replying to a half-naked photo though, that he’d requested, midway through a ‘sexting’ conversation, is a real no-go.

I don’t want to ignore him, nor do I want to look ‘hysterical’ but in the name of not letting men get away with quite so much shit, I want to point out where he went wrong.

Scribes of Mumsnet, hit me with your best responses….

Hi OP. Good for you re your boundaries.

If it's a real "no-go", maybe just don't go there? I honestly couldn't be arsed with giving this man head space.

If you can, for some reason, be arsed, I'd go with "Hey, yeah sounds fine. Assuming your response to my semi naked body is less flaccid and flakey in person. No one likes flaccid and flakey in the actual sheets, right?"

But I would not survive dating and all it entails at my current age. It sounds like a massive pain in the ass.

BLOCK

"Well this is an awkward silence" usually gets a reply.

how important was the mission that you left me waiting ?

Who dis?

"Shit, hell, I think that photo went to my dentist"

So you think you've set boundaries with non replies twice before and he's done it again?

Says it all. Can't believe you sent a half naked pic to this guy.

I actually don't think you do have real boundaries - otherwise you'd act on them (no photo / bin him off).

If you set boundaries you have to keep to them otherwise they are pointless

having to remind someone so early on

don’t waste anymore of your time just move on

Hang on, you sent it Saturday night and was wondering why he didn't reply and it's early hours of Sunday?

That's not long at all.

Unless it was last Saturday..

Typo! I meant early hours of Monday.

He’s not that into you??
Don’t send pics again to a random
bloke you hardly know. Once it’s out there it’s out there.

“Oh there you are. Since my breasts/body has been called “heart-stopping” in the past, I assumed you’d dropped dead on seeing them/it.”

If he tries to then turn it into banter, I’d reply “Sorry, did I say ‘assumed’? I meant ‘hoped’, as it’s the only acceptable reason not to reply to being sent a selfie after you’ve requested one. You’re clearly not dead, so I’m afraid our relationship is.”

I have little sympathy for a 40+ woman who sends these kinds of photos to men. If you want dot, do it. But don’t moan about consequences.

Who dis

^
As mentioned above

And don't be such a fool again

This is such unnecessary pearl clutching. What I (or anyone else) does, sexually or otherwise is really not for other people to judge.

Women being ashamed of anything sexual is antiquated and the idea that once you hit 40, you shouldn’t do anything like this, is ridiculous. On what basis, exactly?

Not pearl clutching at all. You are not as okay with it as you think or else why would you be asking a bunch of strangers for a witty/pithy response because a random has ignored your naked photos. What were you hoping for 'Phwoar you don't get many of them to the pound' Seriously, I am embarrassed for you - he has already shown you who is is - why would you send naked shots to someone who barely responds? You are 40 years old, have as much casual sex as you want but keep it classy. Best advice/response is above BLOCK.

There's no need at all to send compromising photos.
He is possibly stunned that you agreed to his ludicrous request.

Block him and raise your standards.

I would think it was way too soon to be sending intimate photos. There’s no way of knowing how trustworthy or not this man may be, and what has happened to that image since. A new healthy boundary could be choosing not to do that until much further down the line once you’ve established trust with someone who has shown you consistent respect and isn’t simply a casual sexual encounter.

You've put your boundary in place, which is great, but you need to enforce it. It's fair enough to give him another chance after you had to bring up his lack of response but he's done it again twice since. You just need to let him go. You don't need any 'clever comebacks' just bin him off. This man is no good for your self-esteem.

You sound a bit teenagerish to be honest. If someone pulled me, as an adult, up for not texting them back straight away then that would really put me off. He doesn't owe you anything at this stage of the relationship. If you weren't happy with that then you should have called things off then not sent him nudes!

“did my tits kill you ?”

Twice now I’ve called him out for not replying to messages mid-way through a conversation.
What does your 'calling out' look like and how long was it between messages?

I don’t think people are pearl clutching- just asking you to consider whether you want to send photos to someone who appears not to be that interested in you. I’d find that really insulting. We don’t know of course, but could he just have being chatty to get you to send the pic?

If things are going well when you meet then maybe keep phone comms to a minimum to avoid this? TBH I often leave text conversations half way through, as do my friends (we’re all busy, kids etc), but obviously not involving intimate photos!

”oh, sorry that was meant for Gary. Please delete”.

My god people need to calm down.

I would ask if my picture was too hot it melted his phone 😂