To think I’d be able to work with a newborn?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I think I’m probably going to get shot down here but hoping someone who’s experienced in this can help.

I’m self-employed and due to have a baby at the end of November/beginning of December. Luckily, December is a very quiet time for me and so taking that time off isn’t a huge issue. However, I’d likely need to return to doing some work from mid Jan - so around 6 weeks off work in total.

This isn’t for financial reasons as such as we have some savings to cover us for maternity, but more due to the nature of my work that I wouldn’t be able to let my clients down during a really busy period. I’d likely lose a lot of clients and struggle to rebuild if I took too much time off. I love my job and my clients too! I did look at getting some kind of admin support to cover but I’d still need to work some hours in the business myself each week.

And no we didn’t plan the timings very well, I know, but conception was difficult for us. Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc? DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Any advice from someone who’s done it? Or am I just totally mad to consider it?

YABU - you won’t be able to work with a baby (if not, please tell me when you think it would be realistic to go back to work)

YANBU - you’d have some time to work each week

You'll only know once you've had bubba. There is absolutely no way I could of, no sleep and barely knew which way was up for 6months. However plenty of people manage to. I look at mums now who seem to be so with it and wonder why I wasn't. However the fact is I wasn't with it and functioned on max 3hrs uninterrupted sleep for about 5 years. However it is what it is and you get the baby you get. I do hope it all works out for you.

I would say I had a very smooth planned section and really loved the newborn days and recovered well and took things in my stride. But. At 3 months old I remember being asked what ds name was and I couldn't remember. Physically I was OK but mentally the hormones and lack of sleep hit me like a truck and I truly understood what brain fog meant. I couldn't remember ANYTHING and had literally the most absolute basic of executive functioning. It took me to around 8 months for that to finally lift and now I feel more back to my normal functioning levels. If I'd been in work before then I know I'd have made mistakes and forgotten things and i wouldn't have had the confidence for it. I also didn't want to be away from ds with any fibre of my being. I let his grandparents (who are fab and we get on brilliant) take him out for a walk every now and then because I knew they were really keen and I wanted them to have that relationship but that was extremely uncomfortable for me.

Your body, mind, life are about to go through a major major change and you deserve to have the time to heal and recover from that and get to grips with a new way of life.

If you have the means to, could you take someone on who can do the brunt of the work for you? Or even an assistant so if you need to go back you've someone who can help you keep on top of things/ take over bits and pieces as needed?

I would also say if you're planning on breastfeeding (which you might not be), the first 6 weeks baby will only be establishing your supply so you'll need to be feeding on demand at that point and ds fed 10+ hrs on and off some days in the early weeks. We did have some issues with tongue tie but if it's something you're keen on, ideally you'll want to have baby near so you can feed on demand. It also means during the night. A lot of people think if you express bottles then someone else can do the feeds but you'll still need to pump to replace those missed feeds or your body will reduce the milk it produces. So 6 weeks really isn't very long to let yourself get to grips with all that. I'd try to give yourself another few months if there's any scope for it.

I really feel for you, being self employed is a huge commitment and when you've worked so hard to get a business off the ground it's very hard to step back like that.

If you can afford it a full/part-time nanny or nursery. They are all well equipped for you to carry on working. Can you cram your work into 3 days?

I did about 2 hours work a day with first born (after she was about 6 weeks). Tough but doable. Harder with number two because I had two kids with differing needs to juggle.

I was working two weeks after my caesarian. I had my own business and needed to be there at least some of the time. It was stressful but I managed. I took my DD to work, took her on work appointments, to trade fairs, to wholesalers. Thank goodness she just lay / sat in her buggy and loved being out and about looking around. I was exhausted but I had no choice but to get on with it.

With my underweight, colicky, allergy, reflux baby who was in and out of hospital, plus the sleep deprivation (would only be held for sleep for months) and hormones? Not a chance. And I have a truly 50/50 partner who did a lot less work than he was supposed to for a long time.

With a chilled, normal weight, non-colicky, non-reflux baby with no allergies? Mm, maybe. But I'm still not confident. I spent the first week crying because I was no longer pregnant 🤯

Also look at local childminders - we found a wonderful woman who was just returning to work after her own mat leave and would come and 'childmind' for us in our house for a couple of afternoons a week... I checked all her references etc and she had insurance and all paperwork in place but was prepared to do 1-2-1 care for the hourly price of a nursery. Sometimes you just get lucky! But I do think you'll need someone else to have the baby while you work, because you'll be very tired from broken nights so sometimes you'll need to rest when they nap...

What I wasn't prepared for with my first was the mental exhaustion! It's such a huge thing to carry a baby for 9 months, and then give birth... You need a month at a spa to recover! Instead you have a tiny newborn who needs your attention 24/7 and wakes you up just as you drop to sleep, like a torturer... I wish you all the luck but the basic truth is that you'd be wise to plan for someone to take the baby from you for any hours you're planning to work.

Wish you the best of luck!

Yes if it’s just a couple of hours a day it’s possible, but we can’t predict how you will recover from the birth, needs of baby obviously

I had my third child on a Friday night and was back in work on Monday morning. I didn't qualify for maternity leave and did what I had to do.

Good luck op

I am self employed and with DD2 I couldn’t afford to take any maternity leave, I was working literally up until she was born and then from a few days afterwards. It wasn’t a desk job either, involved quite a lot of hoiking stuff about and physical activity. Can’t say it was the best fun but I managed it.

You won't know until your baby is born, some babies are easy, some aren't... I personally could not have done it because my baby just didn't really sleep so I was exhausted. Don't underestimate how much your own body will be affected by being pregnant, giving birth and breast feeding if that's what you're planning to do. But yes babies are time consuming things so you will need a lot of support around you if you need to just get back into work six weeks later.

There is no way of knowing if this is going to work out until the baby comes. My son had a number of feeding issues and as a result he wasn’t a great sleeper. I developed insomnia and was extremely sleep deprived. There is no way I would have had the brain space to even contemplate anything work related for the first 4 months.

By January you'll be into a routine, even just an approximate one, and should be able to schedule a limited amount of work without a problem. Historically, most jobs only offered 6 weeks maternity leave before mothers were expected to return, so it's definitely possible. Working from home should offer you just enough flexibility to make this work for you as at least you won't have the issue of dropping your child off with childminders and travelling to work. It's all very promising - good luck with your imminent motherhood and your job.

Also, remember that everyone who is on their second+ child is also juggling a toddler from day 1. Often people say a toddler is a full time job in itself, that going to work is a rest etc, so by that logic it should be fine.

There is a definite needs must element to it - I was shattered and not on the ball when working with a newborn - it's never going to be the most impressive few months of your career and would definitely be much nicer and easier not to work - but you just get on with it - I consumed a lot of caffeine and sugar to get me through. It does however mean that when you're working with a 6 month + baby and wake up a couple of times a night or have a bad few nights with illness and have to work it feels like a bit of a walk in the park comparatively. I imagine lots of people who say they couldn't have done it would have managed if there was no other option and been surprised by what they could do.

If they're used to also being with their Dad this doesn't really happen. We did about 50/50 cuddling, carrying, soothing, nappies from as soon as we were home. It reduced a bit once he was back at work but I'd hand DD over to him when he came in from work. Combi-fed due to low supply but it worked brilliantly as we could share feeds. He'd sleep next to her one night a week so I could have a full night off. And we took it in turns to do bedtime from about three months so DD wasn't dependent on me being there to do it.

I couldn't of. I had a baby that didn't nap for more than 20 mins or will only sleep on someones lap for longer. Then cluster feeding all evening! Also so tiring not getting any sleep at night I wouldn't be able to concentrate. Second baby slightly easier but still unreliable naps so hard to plan work in. Also as they get older they have less and less naps and are mobile so need watching and interaction constantly. Childcare really only way in my eyes.

If it really would be only a couple of hours, and baby is a regular needs type, then it may work after 6 weeks. But it will be harder than before, you'll be sleep deprived, baby brain will still be a thing.

I was mid way through the second year of my degree when DC2 was born and didn’t miss any of my studies. I was fortunate that the university allowed me to to take her to lectures and tutorials but I did all of my reading and essays around when she and dc1 slept. My ex was not at all hands on either (there’s a reason why he’s an ex!).

You will be tired and it will be tough but you’ll do what you need to do. If you can afford to pay a cleaner who will also pick up washing etc, it will be easier too.

It depends on so much
for example. My DS was born November. He was a relatively ‘good’ baby. Didn’t cry much. Xmas day he slept the entire day from about 11am, except for a bottle. So yes of course work would have been fine (although so remember newborns sleep at night sucks so you will be exhausted)
however I remember the colic. Oh the colic. No pattern, one day was from about midday, screaming and crying until about 7pm until he was so exhausted he couldn’t scream anymore and conked out. The first set of jabs also made him really really rough so he cried the rest of the day for those too, until about 11pm. So it depends on the day. Is it doable; I’d say probably, part time, and don’t get stuck into wanting to cuddle them every time they sleep as I did that and now at home I’m nap trapped a lot

I’ve actually done this. I work for myself and couldn’t leave clients down (probably the same kind of business). My DP and I now do childcare between us and we both work part time. We have nobody who can help consistently. When my first DD was born, as soon as she slept, I brought my laptop and phone out. It can be done, but probably the minimum to tick over for now.
I didn’t do any new business, just serviced existing clients etc.
I don’t know how I do it now with a baby and a toddler - she goes to nursery two afternoons a week. It’s hard going trying to do everything, but as long as you just need a limited number of hours a week, you should be fine.

Yes it's possible but you won't really know until baby gets here I'm afraid, you just don't know what will happen or what type of baby you will have. It'd have been fine and doable with one of my kids but the other had a number of medical issues at birth (no indication of this through the pregnancy) which resulted in a lengthy hospital stay and me taking 2.5 years off work (they're fine now). All I'm saying is have a backup plan in case you can't work 💐

I thought I would be able to continue when DS was born but I was so wrong. There were numerous unexpected complications for both of us and we were constantly back and forth to medical appointments for months. It was thoroughly exhausting and I had no brain power.

I had one with terrible colic and one with terrible reflux, this would have been impossible for me.

If you hired childcare for the hours you need to work, then no reason at all why you can’t do it from mid-Jan.

Trying to do it all on your own as baby naps, would be incredibly tough, and most likely the strain would show up somewhere else in your life, even if work went ok.