To think I’d be able to work with a newborn?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I think I’m probably going to get shot down here but hoping someone who’s experienced in this can help.

I’m self-employed and due to have a baby at the end of November/beginning of December. Luckily, December is a very quiet time for me and so taking that time off isn’t a huge issue. However, I’d likely need to return to doing some work from mid Jan - so around 6 weeks off work in total.

This isn’t for financial reasons as such as we have some savings to cover us for maternity, but more due to the nature of my work that I wouldn’t be able to let my clients down during a really busy period. I’d likely lose a lot of clients and struggle to rebuild if I took too much time off. I love my job and my clients too! I did look at getting some kind of admin support to cover but I’d still need to work some hours in the business myself each week.

And no we didn’t plan the timings very well, I know, but conception was difficult for us. Would I be able to do at least a couple of hours work a day while baby naps etc? DH is a very hands on, helpful partner and is supportive of my choices whatever they may be. He works full time and will be returning to work mid Jan as he’s taking holiday/Christmas/paternity combined.

Any advice from someone who’s done it? Or am I just totally mad to consider it?

YABU - you won’t be able to work with a baby (if not, please tell me when you think it would be realistic to go back to work)

YANBU - you’d have some time to work each week

I think it will be difficult but possible if you really need it to happen. Presumably your dp can take over childcare for a couple of hours after work while you do your work? You'll both be knackered, though. I found it really hard to perform at my usual standard at work for some time after having a baby because I just wasn't getting enough sleep (and I had a lot more than 6 weeks off).

I definitely wouldn't count on having any time during the day when you can work while the baby sleeps, I think that's unrealistic unless you are very lucky.

I could definitely have worked for a few hours a day when my little one was a new born as she always slept well day and night. That said my house would have been even more of a mess and I would have struggled to eat well, wash regularly, rest etc as I was using all the time she was asleep to do those things. I also know lots of babies though who simply wouldn’t have allowed for this, for instance babies who always wanted to be held, so it really does come down to the child.

YABU- you can probably do it, but you will be 100% miserable. Don't do it, it's not worth it.

@SarahAndQuack I'm suggesting she get a nanny, I'm aware you can't put a 6 week old in nursery

I couldn't have with mine. He only slept during the day if we were out with the pram, in the car or on me. Was a good night sleeper though.

Nanny OP. I'm a lone parent and had to go back when Dd was 4 months old, no way I could have done it without a nanny.

Possibly but you can't count on it. So you would need some plan b childcare. I was pretty braindead from lack of sleep by 6 weeks in - in no shape to produce good work for anybody.

Absolutely you can do it.
I was self employed when I had my second and juggled things.
You will need your partner to help and the more organised you can be the easier it will be.
You've totally got this.

It depends on the nature of your work and what it entails also depends on your baby and what recovery time you need from the birth. I would say trying to plan anything like meetings or calls around a new baby is difficult as they are unpredictable with feeding and sleeping at that stage. Sod's law they will wake up screaming and won't settle just at the time you have an important call. If your work is mostly emails or can be done at random times then it will be exhausting but possible.

For the people that say it's not doable because the baby sleeps on you, that's what can make it easier, but it does depend on the job.

With a baby sleeping on you, you usually have one hand free, can make calls etc, or have baby sleep in the sling and have both hands.

This! You need a nanny, mother's help, cook, cleaner equivalent to be bought in to enable you to keep your clients for the time when baby can go to school.
It's an investment in your future

I used to work with a baby on me, that was the default. I used to work whilst feeding the baby. I used to work whilst walking the baby to sleep outside - it was the perfect time to be writing emails and/or talking on the phone, getting the baby to sleep AND getting some exercise, it was my favourite. I worked at soft play, I worked at the gym, I worked at the baby classes. I worked by staying up late at night, getting up in the middle of the night, or by getting up super early in the morning. I worked during night feeds, I worked on play dates, I worked on the bus and on the train with the baby, worked from the hospital with a sick baby. And I’d take the baby to work with me, as I know so many working parents have, and do.

Technology makes all this possible and this was before the pandemic when we all moved forward with video and co-working. No, I didn’t get any sleep but I didn’t get any sleep when my DC were way beyond maternity leave age either and nobody was cutting me any slack then, years into sleep deprivation.

@InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits I really hope that working was the difference between eating and not eating for you (or something equally as necessary) as that sounds utterly miserable.

Will you be wfh mainly or elsewhere. Two of my friends returned to hair dressing when thir babies were 8 weeks old, both self employed.

Look into nanny-shares. Nannies aren't an all or nothing thing just for rich people, you might be able to get someone to help you out for a few hours a day a few times a week. I posted an ad on a childcare forum when my kid was small and ended up meeting two women who worked as after-school nannies for other families but had free time earlier in the day.

Sitters.co.uk is also good in a pinch for getting someone round to play with the baby while you, say, have a Zoom call upstairs - if you use it regularly you'll get to know 2-3 regular carers.

Initially it was, as my household income went from just about manageable, to near zero overnight when I had a few day old baby. There was a mortgage to pay, a house to run and mouths to feed and only me to feed them.

With subsequent babies, it wasn’t quite as immediately necessary as I had a little more notice, but we still couldn’t manage without my income, it couldn’t be delegated and taking maternity leave or using childcare was not an option if we wished to remain housed. Like I say though I did get a longer leave with my last baby as I wanted to spend that time with them knowing it was my last chance, so I took five weeks off, but I did spend it looking after three children.

I don’t know many people who took a long leave or who could afford to. Most self employed women I know take time to physically recover for a few weeks before resuming at least part time, it being very normal then to take the baby to work and/or work around the baby. I don’t regret it.

I've done it. It is doable but i think it is hard.

Im self employed and work during nap times/evenings.
For me I find it very hard to switch off and spend time with my baby when I know I have work to complete etc which has made me feel a lot more mum guilt.
I had the "standard" maternity leave with my first and do wish I could have had that this time around too.
I also feel like my life is now kids, house work and work - there is no me time.

I did twice…. I am self-employed and not customer facing. I don’t need to have regular meetings.

I took 16 weeks with my first and 12 with my second. I dipped in and out of work to keep us afloat. It wasn’t everyday and I worked random hours.

But my first baby had horrific colic and severe reflux it nearly broke me hence the 16 weeks.
He cried all the time.

My second was much easier.

If you can get a cleaner and be organised with meals. I was very lucky that my mum and sister helped out. My husband was brilliant but neither of us were prepared for how difficult it would be.

So, yes it can be done but depends on the job and support you have.

If you have any questions then would be happy to answer.

Honestly this has been so, so helpful - I was half expecting to just be told I’m an idiot and that’s that. I know it will definitely depend on the baby and my own recovery, but it’s given me lots of different options that I can plan for.

I really appreciate hearing everyone’s experiences, the good and the bad. I think having a few options to choose from and relooking at DH’s paternity leave is the way forward now.

Thanks again all.

I am suspicious of people who claim that they shared 50/50 baby care. It's very rare and many babies want their Mum.

Depends what kind of work you do.. and how many hours?

This. It could work this way. And yanbu, OP, just sensible to ask for people's advice, opinons

Newborn and first few months yes, it’s when they’re older, moving about and sleep less in the day it would be harder I think.

Depends on the nature of your work. I wrote half a PhD while on mat leave.

I could and did. Also self employed and had a baby at a critical time for clients. I had my OOO on for 8 weeks and then was back working 1-2 days a week (from home) when baby was 4 months. My job does allow me to work at random hours and DH is around a lot.