WIBU to take this much from DD’s benefits?

[BlueLines81]

My DD is 19 and has a disability, she is not able to work and won’t be able to for the foreseeable. She receives PIP.

As she’s no longer in education, I was not entitled to claim benefits for her from the end of august this year. My tax credits went down quite considerably, and lost CB too, and all of my housing benefit. All together I am about £190 per week worse off. Which isn’t great as I am a single parent and also have a health condition (I receive low rate mobility PIP), and I had to give my job up in July as I couldn’t manage it anymore, so that’s another £1000ish per month down.

I am self employed and doing bits and pieces where I can, to give you an idea I’ve managed about 12 hours of work this month.

I did an online calculator in august and it looked like I would be better off on UC, and also needed to start a UC claim for DD, so I claimed for us both on the same day. We had an appointment at the jobcentre for DD’s claim a couple of weeks ago, and the advisor suggested that I become her appointee and I could have her UC paid into my account, if we felt DD didn’t have the capacity to manage it herself. I asked DD what she thought and she said she’d rather it was paid into my account. I am getting fit notes for both of us from the doctor and and hopefully we will both be entitled to the LCWRA elements.

The idea of being an adult and having to pay bills terrifies DD, mentally she is more like a 12 year old in a lot of ways. I have spoken to her about it and said the options are that either we work out exactly what her share of rent and bills etc would be and she just gives me the money for those, and she can arrange her own food shopping etc, and pay for herself if she wants to come on holidays etc. Or I keep the amount that I’ve lost in benefits for her, she can have whatever is leftover (which I think will still mean she’s better off than she is now with just her PIP). And then she can carry on essentially being a child for as long as she wants (I don’t mean this negatively, she regularly gets very tearful that she’s not a child anymore). She liked the sound of that option better. She just doesn’t want to have to think about finances at all.

But AIBU to take this much money from her? I don’t know the exact figures of what I’ll have lost until we get our first UC statements in a few days, but will probably be at least £150 per week. I know this a lot more than a lot of people take from adult children, which is why I feel bad, but then maybe they have a partner or are just financially in a better situation than I am. Realistically she’s going to be living at home for many more years to come.

She’s only just turned 19, the majority of people that age haven’t moved out yet in today’s society. She wants to be at home, she’s not ready to move out and I’m not going to force her to for the sake of it.

That's extremely hard to get as accommodation is either far away or if closer, always a waiting list. Some young people on PIP prefer the security of home and travel to go to meet friends.

I think you're overthinking it OP. Adulting costs a lot more than 150 quid a week and if she's getting all of her needs met and is happy with it then there's nothing to say you can't revisit her feelings on the matter in a few years. Things change.

I'd keep encouraging get to get some little bits of independence though. She can't be shielded forever and it won't do any harm if she knows how things get paid for and when.

I moved out at 30, no shame in it at all.

I agree with this but I would also make sure that you keep a housekeeping book to record house hold bills and expenditures for the both of you and keep receipts (you can photo them on your phone and store), in case anything in the future happens where your reputation is questioned.

I think people are talking about pp refusing to work and not disabled people. That said many severely disabled people can and do work, with adaptions.
Work and having purpose is a key plank to good mental health, so I hope you and your dd will find something suitable for your own benefit in the future.

It quite obviously benefits you both for the foreseeable future. I wish you and your dependent adult child all the very best wishes. x

Absolutely , the objections wont come until she falls asleep at the wheel and kills herself/someone else or fucks up at a roundabout and crashes into someone!
But as long as she gets to have a go like her peers it's all good?
How many times do people recommend taking keys off elderly relatives to stop this exact same situation......absolute madness for this girl to be behind the wheel of a car. I would be hugely surprised if the DVLA where wholly aware of her limits.

@Lastchancechica sounds great, please send me links to WFH jobs which are only for a maximum of an hour per day, and account for days where the person may not be well enough even to do that, and don’t require any kind of work experience or speaking to people on the phone, and I’ll help DD apply for them.

I'd like the links too.

Following closely.

OP says she is paying for the driving lessons though?

Same age as my dd. Most young adults are at home at this age, but we are actively preparing ours for independence. You must do the same. Your dd can find work with ASD and maybe her depression would lessen and her mental health improves with a brighter future. She is dreaming of moving to a more exciting place, she has to move toward that goal and be given the skills and support to do so.

Oh behave. Spouting off under ignorance

@Lastchancechica, right but you haven’t given any examples of jobs which also would suitable for someone with CFS and no work experience?

@HashtagDerekSays I would recommend every single person grants a power of attorney for welfare and financial matters whilst they have full capacity to do so.

In that scenario it would only kick in should capacity be removed either temporarily or otherwise.

So let's say I had an accident and was in a coma, DH could operate bank accounts, pay bills etc with the POA. If I recover good, if I do not it continues.

A guardianship is a complex process granted by the courts over a person who does not have capacity to grant the POA in the first place.

A doctor will usually confirm whether they would support a POA or whether a guardianship would be more appropriate.

I have CFS why can your dd only manage an hour a day if she is sitting down?

Most companies offering positions for customer service on the telephone now work from home as an example

• like the white company. You don’t need previous experience, you are trained in full.

I know your post will be deleted so I’ve taken a screenshot just to remind myself of just how awful it was.

How dare disabled people want to be included and not be discriminated against, right?

I’m a higher rate tax payer and happy that my taxes support people like my mum and OP’s dd.

@Booksandwine80 that’s right, I definitely don’t want to work, which is why I paid a substantial amount of money for a training course earlier in the year to enable me to get a promotion, which I got, and then had to leave the job I loved in July because my health was too bad to manage it. And here I am now, living the benefits dream 🙄. It’s a sweet life alright.

So as this money is meant for your daughter including rent, bills etc it would be logical to take some. It would be reasonable to look at house shares in your local area, e.g. spareroom and see what is a going rate for a similar size room (sometimes these Inc bills) last time I paid rent in the South East it was £525 for city based dbl room with own bathroom for example.
I would also advise looking into long term investments and allocating a sum of money into long term savings/pension for her including for her care for if /when you are unable to look after her. For that I would seek some impartial financial advice.

Can I just ask how she qualified for the mot ability and higher rate PIP ?
I know the rules on this changed a few years ago - tried to get this for my dad a couple years back for chronic lung disease as he couldn't walk far they told me that he wouldn't get it because he could walk more than 200 metres on a good day even though he had to stop to get his breath .
Just wondering that all, as i don't think you get it for Asd or anxiety and it sounds like she can walk even if she gets tired.
Do you drive ? Cos you can be her carer and drive it for her that way you can both use the car then, even if she cant learn to drive.
On universal credit pip payments are given as extra so you will have two lots of pip for your daughter and for you - so yes you could ask her for some of her pip payment to replace the money you are losing and if you or some one else you know can drive the car as her carer then you could have the use of her car for the family I think.

@Lastchancechica because she sleeps for 18 hours per day, for a start, which rules out a lot of jobs. She also finds it incredibly difficult to speak on the phone, as do many people with ASD.

There are so many jobs that can be done from home - even from bed. I wondered what research you have done together with dd to find her a career for the future?

It must be extremely distressing to imagine at 19 she may never work and will struggle on benefits for her whole life.

I think you need to get some advice. Yes she should pay her bills etc. However it should be based on how much the bills are and not on what you have lost in UC. Her benefits should go into an account in her name. She can then with your help set up a dd to pay for her housing and bills. If you think she does not have capacity to manage her affairs then you need to apply to be her deputy through the court of protection. This means that her capacity must be assessed.

I manage my child's affairs as she does not have capacity. The rules are very robust. I am not sure that your child would meet the requirements for not having capacity. Your dd may need help but that doesn't mean giving all her benefits to you. It should mean that you help her to manage them by paying her way and then advising her on the rest. She can take your advice or not but she should be learning these skills. If she can't due to her learning disabilities then the court of protection is the way forward.

@BlueLines81 you’re on the wrong forum to ask that question. It’s brutal here and you’re clearly getting a kicking.

Unless someone has a disabled ‘child’, they’ve no idea what your family set up is like.

You and your daughter have every right to use her benefits however seems fit. Most 19 year olds would not want to be pushed out of home, so continue living as you are.

Just be careful with the capacity bit. If your daughter lacks capacity, legally you’d need to apply to the Court of Protection to become her Welfare Deputy. Or Property and affairs Deputy if she receives more than benefit money and you act in her financial interest.

As she only currently receive benefits, as DWP have confirmed, you can be her DWP Appointee now.

If she has capacity the above doesn’t apply, but I would consider her and you applying for Power of Attorney.

We are in a similar position where our ‘child’ will always live at home, lacks capacity and we use his UC to pay towards his keep.

Do not feel guilty.