WIBU to take this much from DD’s benefits?

[BlueLines81]

My DD is 19 and has a disability, she is not able to work and won’t be able to for the foreseeable. She receives PIP.

As she’s no longer in education, I was not entitled to claim benefits for her from the end of august this year. My tax credits went down quite considerably, and lost CB too, and all of my housing benefit. All together I am about £190 per week worse off. Which isn’t great as I am a single parent and also have a health condition (I receive low rate mobility PIP), and I had to give my job up in July as I couldn’t manage it anymore, so that’s another £1000ish per month down.

I am self employed and doing bits and pieces where I can, to give you an idea I’ve managed about 12 hours of work this month.

I did an online calculator in august and it looked like I would be better off on UC, and also needed to start a UC claim for DD, so I claimed for us both on the same day. We had an appointment at the jobcentre for DD’s claim a couple of weeks ago, and the advisor suggested that I become her appointee and I could have her UC paid into my account, if we felt DD didn’t have the capacity to manage it herself. I asked DD what she thought and she said she’d rather it was paid into my account. I am getting fit notes for both of us from the doctor and and hopefully we will both be entitled to the LCWRA elements.

The idea of being an adult and having to pay bills terrifies DD, mentally she is more like a 12 year old in a lot of ways. I have spoken to her about it and said the options are that either we work out exactly what her share of rent and bills etc would be and she just gives me the money for those, and she can arrange her own food shopping etc, and pay for herself if she wants to come on holidays etc. Or I keep the amount that I’ve lost in benefits for her, she can have whatever is leftover (which I think will still mean she’s better off than she is now with just her PIP). And then she can carry on essentially being a child for as long as she wants (I don’t mean this negatively, she regularly gets very tearful that she’s not a child anymore). She liked the sound of that option better. She just doesn’t want to have to think about finances at all.

But AIBU to take this much money from her? I don’t know the exact figures of what I’ll have lost until we get our first UC statements in a few days, but will probably be at least £150 per week. I know this a lot more than a lot of people take from adult children, which is why I feel bad, but then maybe they have a partner or are just financially in a better situation than I am. Realistically she’s going to be living at home for many more years to come.

If her dd moved out the OPs costs would drop. And the OP isn’t ‘recouping’ costs from her dd - as her DD’s appointee, she’s using PIP for the exact reasons for which it’s awarded. The cost for an adult child with a disability staying at home is considerably more than that of one without a disability. I don’t see how it’s unreasonable for the OP to expect her dd to make a realistic contribution to the household.

Carers assessment is for you, as her carer - it would explore different ways you can be supported whilst caring for your dd. A social care assessment would assess for local authority care, but if your dd is claiming PIP the LA would probably expect a contribution towards the cost of this, depending on her circumstances. Doesn’t sound as though she needs it though unless she struggles with personal care etc.

Of course if her dd moved out she wouldn’t need the money (her dd would still get it like she does now), OP has already explained what the money is spent on. My dd gets high rate PIP, if she moves out (which is the plan) of course I won’t need her money as I could work longer hours, come off of all benefits because I won’t be caring full time for my dd. No parent is profiting from having a disabled child, life is pretty rubbish, lonely, tiring and many of us still have to get help from food banks and we worry about putting the heating on/using electricity. I’m sick of people assuming people claiming benefit's are off on holidays, watching sky on their huge tv’s and living the best life, it’s not like that at all.

@Concannon88 no not ‘end of’, still waiting for the links of where DD could live, with everything included and a full time carer for less than £150 per week?

I can’t give you exact figures of what DD costs me as obviously this varies month to month. If she were to move out, then my bills and outgoings would be lower, half of my caring responsibilities would be gone, freeing me up to do more work, and if needed to I could rent out a room as I would then have a spare one.

OP isn’t profiting from DD1’s benefits. The benefits are being used to fund DD1’s expenses. If DD1 moves out there won’t be those same expenses.

Social care assessments look at more than personal care. It can also help as evidence for PfA provision as part of an EHCP which isn’t means tested because it goes in the educational provision section.

This is just a thought as I can't see that this scenario has been covered.
I saw another post where a mum was asking a similar question if it was OK to ask for money from her son towards house hold this was because he had left school and had gone on to job seekers she lost the money from her uc as the job seekers was classed as household income - when your assessments for uc are completed is it possible your daughter may be put on JSA instead of Limited capability for work- if she is put on jsa she can do courses and have support at job centre to get work the jsa will then be classed as total household income and she will get support into work - you won't lose out financially and she will still get PIP anyway as it is not included in the uc assessment.

Has your ex not paid any maintenance over the years for his 2 dc?

@Babyroobs they have different fathers. DD1’s dad did pay maintenance (not a lot but what he could afford) until he became unwell with cancer and was unable to do much work, and I told him not to worry about giving me money anymore. DD2’s father has never been in the picture, he’s incredibly dangerous and there is a zero contact court order in place for her entire childhood. In theory I could claim the £7 a week out of his benefits for her but I never want him to be able to find her when she’s older and tell her that he’s always paid money for her, I’d rather not have the £7 per week.

OP’s DD can’t claim JSA. She won’t be eligible for new style JSA and new claimants can’t claim income related JSA now. It is UC whether she has LCWRA, LCW or is found fit to work. Anyway JSA would be classed as DD1’s income just like UC is.

Also pip isn't necessarily to cover care costs. This should really be done by social services.

@BlueBlubbaWhale I receive ESA and enhanced rate care and mobility PIP (bedridden with severe ME/CFS). I have to pay £147 a week towards the £228 weekly cost of my care from social services using direct payments as now all my PIP care component is assessed as income by the council. 11 years ago I paid only £44 per week towards the then £200 weekly cost of my care from social services. Council funding has been cut to the bone by govt.

Awful isn't it. And could get even worse now numerous councils are going bankrupt ( our local one being one of them. ). There should be a ' super' rate of PIP for bedridden people like yourself.

I don’t think OP’s daughter has ever worked so she wouldn’t have the necessary NI contributions for new style JSA, and means tested JSA claimants are being migrated to UC so it’s not open to new claims.

Yes, there is a way of knowing - it’s the fact that PIP has been awarded at the higher rate, which indicates a high level of disability with significant costs, which, while she is living at home, the OP will be incurring as her carer. And without knowing DD’s condition and how it affects here you’re not really in a position be believing anything are you ? If, as you say, you have a disabled child yourself, you should know that. Seems to me that the OP is using her DD’s benefit for exactly the purpose intended. Even the DWP themselves accept the fact that PIP payments don’t cover all of the cost of disability and as the OP has pointed out herself, her DD wouldn’t be able to access any other form of live in care for £150 a week.

The Social Services financial assessment for care is complicated but is based on the income and savings of the person, and that includes certain benefits, including the care component of PIP. Social Services stress that it’s important the person needing care is claiming all the benefits to which they are entitled, because the financial contribution they will be asked to make, assumes that this is the case.

@pam290358 how can op be her daughters full time carer 'on paper' if she is signed off sick for I'll health herself?

I guess lots of carers don't have any choice but to continue to care even if unwell themselves. What is she expected to do ?

@Babyroobs exactly that…my health is really suffering but when it’s just me, and I have full care of two DC (ok one is legally an adult but still requires just as much care), one whose father is very unwell and one whose father is not allowed anywhere near her as ordered by the court…what choice do I have? It’s a lot and something has to give which unfortunately is my own health.

She can. The situation is accepted by the DWP and OP isn’t doing anything wrong - it’s a harsh fact of life that in a lot of cases, there is no-one else available. Caring duties can be anything from supervisory or safety based to physical help and a lot of disabled claimants have different needs so can do the things for each other that they are unable to do themselves, if that makes sense.

PIP can still be claimed if you are a carer and receive carers allowance, although the benefits system bars many carers who are sick themselves from carers allowance if they are also claiming an income replacement benefit such as ESA or JSA, although income based (means tested) claims may include a carers element, depending on the circumstances. Those claiming UC with Limited Capability for the Work Related Activity (LCWRA) won’t get carers element as well - they are usually awarded whichever element is higher, except in the case of joint claims where one or both of the claimants are disabled/carers. One can then claim LCWRA element and one can claim carers element.

It’s not easy caring for someone else if you are sick or disabled yourself and I know of a disabled married couple in exactly this situation. The caring duties are having a detrimental effect on the health of one partner in particular, but realistically they have little choice.

Hi Op, just wanted to sending a supporting message and can see that you are doing the best you can. I have worked with young people with Autism and other disabilities. Whilst these young people are able to do some things really well- they might not be able to do other “basic” stuff as their neurotypical peers and do require a lot of scaffolding to function. I will say continue doing what you can to support your young persons independence and know that you might have to make some decisions that your young person might not be happy with but will be in her best interest 💐