WIBU to take this much from DD’s benefits?

[BlueLines81]

My DD is 19 and has a disability, she is not able to work and won’t be able to for the foreseeable. She receives PIP.

As she’s no longer in education, I was not entitled to claim benefits for her from the end of august this year. My tax credits went down quite considerably, and lost CB too, and all of my housing benefit. All together I am about £190 per week worse off. Which isn’t great as I am a single parent and also have a health condition (I receive low rate mobility PIP), and I had to give my job up in July as I couldn’t manage it anymore, so that’s another £1000ish per month down.

I am self employed and doing bits and pieces where I can, to give you an idea I’ve managed about 12 hours of work this month.

I did an online calculator in august and it looked like I would be better off on UC, and also needed to start a UC claim for DD, so I claimed for us both on the same day. We had an appointment at the jobcentre for DD’s claim a couple of weeks ago, and the advisor suggested that I become her appointee and I could have her UC paid into my account, if we felt DD didn’t have the capacity to manage it herself. I asked DD what she thought and she said she’d rather it was paid into my account. I am getting fit notes for both of us from the doctor and and hopefully we will both be entitled to the LCWRA elements.

The idea of being an adult and having to pay bills terrifies DD, mentally she is more like a 12 year old in a lot of ways. I have spoken to her about it and said the options are that either we work out exactly what her share of rent and bills etc would be and she just gives me the money for those, and she can arrange her own food shopping etc, and pay for herself if she wants to come on holidays etc. Or I keep the amount that I’ve lost in benefits for her, she can have whatever is leftover (which I think will still mean she’s better off than she is now with just her PIP). And then she can carry on essentially being a child for as long as she wants (I don’t mean this negatively, she regularly gets very tearful that she’s not a child anymore). She liked the sound of that option better. She just doesn’t want to have to think about finances at all.

But AIBU to take this much money from her? I don’t know the exact figures of what I’ll have lost until we get our first UC statements in a few days, but will probably be at least £150 per week. I know this a lot more than a lot of people take from adult children, which is why I feel bad, but then maybe they have a partner or are just financially in a better situation than I am. Realistically she’s going to be living at home for many more years to come.

Most councils would normally only automatically award a blue badge to those on enhanced mobility PIP also. Maybe her s was different or may be it was a discretionary one.

@nochangeever

No, she is only on standard mobility, you need enhanced to lease a car through motability.

@Babyroobs

Thats not true it's not based on enhanced the way DLA is, BB allocation using PIP is based on points so 8 points for moving around is an automatic entitlement.

I don’t understand this. She’s “like a 12 year old mentally” but “learning” to drive 🙄she needs you to make financial and medical decisions, but understands how to run an Etsy business. I’m sorry but you need to decide which it is, seems to me she can’t be bothered to work / study?

Ok maybe it is different for different councils ?

The finances aside, I hope she doesn't pass her driving test!
She gets 'too tired' working for an hour at a charity shop and after two years worth of lessons can't understand how roundabouts work....Good god, she is the last person on earth that needs to be in control of half a tonne of metal that travels at speed!

Apologies you are correct. It is 8 points for PIP or 10 points under the ' overwhelming psychological distress ' descriptor.

I would be looking to encourage her managing her own finances. I’d go with the option where her money is paid into her own account , her share of household costs is transferred over to you and the rest is her spending money. I don’t think taking control of the money will help anyone in the long run.

I’m not in the UK but can you seriously get £1000 a month, living at home? When you ’function as a 12-year old’ but are fine to be out on the roads? Sounds both crazy and dangerous.

She just doesn’t want to have to think about finances at all.

Well, if she is 19 it’s important to give your (adult) child those life skills.

If she's able, then good to give her the independence of managing her own money. So you need to decide what's reasonable for food and living at home costs, and the rest is her - but she's need to understand whatever she has is for anything that helps with her mobility, clothing and transport. If she's spent it on rubbish, then she won't be able to have other things she needs.

Yes even more than that if on top rates of PIP, plus standard and LCWRA elements of UC, more like £1200 a month.

Although having said that the mobility component would not be paid if they use the motorbility scheme instead.

And you can use that money to take expensive driving lessons for two years? That’s bonkers. I’d be pissed off if I was a tax payer in the UK.

Well yes judging by the amount of posters on MN who get pissed off at the amount of money people get on benefits, you would not be alone.

You don't even have to spend your own money on driving lessons they are paid for. Honestly it does not pay to work unless you are on more than 25k in the UK

Well I guess some use it for driving lessons, but it is money to live on and for the extra costs of a disability. I guess the young person needs to contribute to rent, utilities etc which is what this thread is about.

100% agree with this. Surely as a responsible parent you wouldn’t encourage your dd to drive? I know some parents don’t want to deny their dcs a normal functioning life if on the SN spectrum, but someone with the mental capacity of a 12 year old, who generally gets so tired that she can’t function for more than an hour at a time, really should not be on the roads, as it’s not just her life at risk, but putting other road users at risk too. And as the driving instructor is apparently aware, he/she surely should be pointing this out and try to persuade you both that driving lessons really aren’t appropriate at the moment.

This!!

Im horrified she’s deemed okay to drive if she gets tired after a short journey and can’t understand the concept of money or roundabouts!

I don’t think you are doing anywhere near enough to prepare her for independence. She should be paid the money directly and taught to budget. Budgeting and understanding how to manage by herself is an essential life skill. You are not always going to be around. Keeping her as a child is irresponsible.

Her conditions could be worked around with a wfh job or similar. I would be looking into her options again. Open university is a good way to learn and become qualified.

I agree with people who have said she needs to look to a more independent future. Maybe look at assisted living options for younger people who can't manage bills and living on their own.

I trained with someone who gave her 17 year old son his PIP allowance each month and it was gone within a week on high end clothes and games. The person training us, he was fantastic, was as shocked as I was. Immediately we told her to get power of attorney regarding his spending habits as he was probably going to life with her for the foreseeable future. I've no idea what the outcome was. She was working two jobs to cover her and his food and cost of living.

Believe me, if I could choose to work and be healthy I would much prefer that option, as would DD I’m sure. But hey let’s bash disabled people for not contributing. I loved my job and was gutted to have to give it up.

DD is an adult, if the DVLA and her driving instructor know and have no issue with dd driving than why should OP object?

If the DVLA are happy then the driving instructor agency could be seen to be discriminating if they didn’t teach dd.

Apart from the small matter of having pride, purpose and essential work experience so you can accept higher paid jobs and careers in the future.

If you won’t work for under 25k then you will be consigned to the benefits scrapheap for life basically. A rather depressing thought no?