To think the young gf/wife gets a raw deal

[gutfightinghead]

I’m 15 years younger than my DH. We have been married a year and have a 4 month old baby. I’m 25, he’s 40 and we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and genuinely happy. We have our disagreements like everyone else but on the whole it’s a healthy, happy relationship.

however - I still find I get a lot of sneers and as if I must be a young bimbo for being much younger, like I’m a silly wee girl. We got a lot of ‘oh she’s a silly young girl’ or ‘she’s his mid life crisis’, ‘it’ll never last’ etc.

just recently we had an appointment with our solicitor about something and he apologised and we said why? And he said he got us all wrong on paper he expected some young dope not someone with career, sensible etc

ive also noticed on mumsnet itself a lot of younger gf/wives etc get a bad name or labelled very quickly.

if they’re the other woman I completely understand as I know that sometimes is the case when there’s a younger gf/wife but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly/naive/stupid??

@creativeblossom you were 19 & your partner was 39 when you first started dating? Sorry that's creepy as hell. My DD is 19 & I wouldn't feel happy about that age gap at all!

Yes it is, if you earn over £60k you have to repay it, so it’s not worth taking in the first place.

See if you still feel the same when your child of 21 brings home a middle age man/ woman.
some age gaps are fine and work well but often there is an imbalance.

I was similar; in that I got together (he was divorced at the time) with a man 13 years older than me when I was in my mid twenties. We have been married for over 20 years now, have two children and have great relationships with his older children and have socialised with his ex wife at family functions. People will always judge - mostly older women! If it’s not age gaps it’s how you parent your children!

Older women with very young men often get the same comments.

It IS concern. You're making your own assumptions, and also being very judgemental and narrow minded yourself

DH is on £75k and we are overpaying it (I don't have student loan) cos it's £400 out of salary every month and the interest rate on that loan is higher than our mortgage. There is £10k left and we hope to have eradicated the student loan by next year.

Most people wouldn't earn enough to pay back the full amount hence don't overpay. But you definitely would so should look into it.

Absolute rubbish, there is a thread posted on here which demonstrates perfectly the difference in responses.

It CAN be a concern, in the context of other things. It IS NOT necessarily a concern. I make no assumptions other than forming an opinion of some posters on here, those assumptions are based on the sweeping statements, emotive language and judgements that people have written here.

MN is not necessarily reflective of real life. In my experience older men AND older women get judged.

Yeah, they're still assumptions..... people don't have to write their life story on here to express their opinion, and much of the time there's many years of experiences etc. which led them to form their opinion, make sweeping statements, express judgement and use emotive language.

This is so interesting and I’ve never though of that before, you’re quite right to challenge that on those grounds and I think I’ll start to irl.

Of course it’s not bollocks. Happy people don’t need to challenge their ideals or overly protest to people they don’t even know on an online forum. It just screams I am happy, I AM, I AM, I AM. You’re literally just trying to convince yourself.

Or maybe we’re all just fed up of older women making out our husbands are some kind of nonce?

@HolyMolyRolyPolyGoodForTheSouly

I wouldn’t say that I was old at 35 personally.

That age gap the OP specifies is noncey. In my opinion. I only know a few with that age gap (or more) and the bloke is usually socially inept or…as you said….a bit of a nonce.

If you think the comments from older women are bad, you should hear how young women talk about old men trying to date them! You think from MN it's mainly older women who judge because the people commenting often fit that demographic because its over represented on here. But in RL, young women are positively savage about 'creepy old men'. At least older women tend to be a bit more polite than calling them names and laughing in their faces.

Good. I’m glad they are. They’ve been taught well by their mothers no doubt. I’ll be teaching my DD to stick to men her own age, not creepy older ones.

Worlds tiniest violin for the poor forty plus creeps trying to date the under 25s 😁😁 asdumung that’s a joke post 5128?!

Going to ignore the thinly veiled insult towards my mothers parenting.
I hope your daughters find someone who truly loves them, no matter what.

Yes me too. Someone their own age. The fishing pool is big enough. She’s beautiful and bright so I don’t see why not. 😁

@5128gap - I believe the customary way of dealing with this situation is "piss off grandad".

As good today as it's always been.

It was a response to the suggestion that only older women criticise these relationships, with the usual implication that it's motivated by jealousy. When, as I pointed out earlier on the thread, bagging a man older than yourself is not an achievement to be envious of when the place is literally awash with aging chancers trying their luck. And that young women typically give them extremely short shrift.

A colleague at work married someone who is 15 years younger than him.

All he would go on about was that he had a younger woman bla bla.

She was training to be a professional which he contributed 10 k towards when they 1st met.
She also was estranged from her family. No contact even now.
The convesation was always towards he had a young wife.
He also always mentioned the sex every night.

'How can i just go to sleep when a georgous woman is lying next to me' vomit.
The have 2 kids married for some time now and they love love each other apparently.

It was just the constant showing off about the young trophy wife that did not sit well.

Yes fended off many advances from forty something men (mostly married) when I was in my twenties. Just astounded anyone that age would say yes! Dh 3 years younger than me….definitely don’t see the appeal of going older

Jesus. People are so judgmental!
it is fully possible to have a sensible, normal, loving relationship regardless of age gaps.
it’s not weird for a man to fall in love with someone who’s 15 years younger, or for a woman to fall in love with someone who’s 15 years older. It happens, and it happens a lot.
those of you who say you would think badly of a friend if they got with someone that much younger aren’t particularly good friends at all. This post screams of jealousy.
We all age, learn to embrace it. Don’t hate the young women for your insecurities.

Haven't RTFT because the catty judgmentalism were too boring but in case OP is still reading and wants some balance, I certainly wouldn't make any assumptions about a relationship with an age gap if I didn't really know the people involved. If I ever find my brain making kneejerk assumptions, it's good practice to push back against it.

Of course I've known of unhealthy age-gap relationships. Also healthy ones. It's poisonous to extrapolate from the worst of life and apply it to situations you don't really know about.

Have you read the whole thread? Your highly simplistic view doesn’t reflect the actual discussion here.

Oh, and one woman disagreeing with another isn’t a sign of ‘jealousy’. That is a very childish response to what are some quite serious issues. Try engaging in more of a debate, rather than this ineffective sort of juvenile supposed put-down.

Agree @HighflyingUnicorn

I think our op is winding people up just a bit. But it's obvious that some people are going out of their way to insult op and lash out. It's self-preservation.

Men do not magically stop being attractive in their late 30s - 40s. I'm in my 20s and I can see the appeal of a good looking, in shape, successful and charismatic man of that age. I wouldn't date one because they'd die way before me etc

It's got nothing to do with 'fat and balding' older men. Are all men of that age fat and balding? No. Silly to pretend that they are.

You have to insult op and believe she's stupid so that you can distance yourself from your own DH maybe beating attracted to younger women. And I get it. It's ok to reflect sometimes.