To think the young gf/wife gets a raw deal

[gutfightinghead]

I’m 15 years younger than my DH. We have been married a year and have a 4 month old baby. I’m 25, he’s 40 and we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and genuinely happy. We have our disagreements like everyone else but on the whole it’s a healthy, happy relationship.

however - I still find I get a lot of sneers and as if I must be a young bimbo for being much younger, like I’m a silly wee girl. We got a lot of ‘oh she’s a silly young girl’ or ‘she’s his mid life crisis’, ‘it’ll never last’ etc.

just recently we had an appointment with our solicitor about something and he apologised and we said why? And he said he got us all wrong on paper he expected some young dope not someone with career, sensible etc

ive also noticed on mumsnet itself a lot of younger gf/wives etc get a bad name or labelled very quickly.

if they’re the other woman I completely understand as I know that sometimes is the case when there’s a younger gf/wife but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly/naive/stupid??

I agree. Travelling broadens your world view.

Right out of a novel.

it won’t be chanel islands as OP said property is cheaper than mainland

so Scottish highlands or islands, Northern Ireland, Isle of Man???

Salaries not nearly as high in those parts of the world. but depends what OP means by a finance job - there are banks and finance companies in these locations. Harder to get the high salary with OP’s limited experience.

So many assumptions, I can’t be arsed to reply.

That's not very nice. How does going on holiday make you whole?

I'd say learning from decisions, even bad ones, counts as experience that makes you grow up.

Op may be a bit smug but has she actually done anything that warrants being criticised in this way? She's been boastful but has she actually put anyone else down? I don't think so.

Some people are saying she's naive and being taken advantage of, so why now are having a go at her?

Sorry wait what. Going to see the maths on this one!

So say you only took out maintenance because your arsehole middle class parents paid the tuition fees, otherwise, ABSOLUTELY no way you’ve paid back £27k in 4 years. So, let’s go with £12k (min for living away from home outside London) for maint at 3x £4K per year, you paid back through salary, you say? In 4 years?

£50k year one (lol okay): £2250 paid back
£60k year two: £3150
£70k year three: £4050
£80k year four: £4950
(This is with 0 pension contribution etc at current plan 4 rates)
So, that’s about £14k. So this is the amounts you earned year 1-4? Your parents paid £27k of student loan?

So op, to clarify, you had to borrow for your degree. But as you dint drink were able to save enough to buy two properties as a student, making the choice to pay the interest on the student loan and not pay your fees as you go or pay them off, you then sold one of these properties and bought your marital home.

You went straight into a high earning career, are now management in 4 years since starting,earn more than your husband, work in a high paying finance company that’s not in the mainland, have had a baby, are only 25, shag every night as your baby sleeps so well. In fact even left this thread for an hour or so to go have a “passionate encounter” with your husband

on top of this a solicitor fawned over how sensible you were and said he was expecting a dope, for no reason other than your 25.

and oh yes, you often get comments you’re a silly wee girl.

is this about right..

@Bellyblueboy

she commutes to the big smoke from canvey island. Investment properties are in Jaywick.

@NW1738 what are you on about? Student finance paid for the course and I pay it back every month with my salary?? Wtf are you on? I’m still paying it! My parents didn’t pay a penny. Your maths and ability to read is shocking.

🤣

Oh dear. Embarrassing!

“i saved a lot to have financial stability and university fees are paid anyway so don’t know where someone said about the fees but they were paid and I pay back via student loan. “

You paid it all off no? “PAID”?

Sadly smugness often doesn't end well, OP. Particularly from somebody who is still very inexperienced and feels like they have a point to prove. I genuinely wish you well but honestly - since you asked for opinions - it sounds like a recipe for disaster and some rather ill-judged decisions. Particularly marrying and having a child so young with someone with so very many red flags present when you'd only known him such a short time. I really do hope the majority of us are wrong and you are the exception, but it is unlikely. And worrying also that because you clearly are very defensive about this you may persist in trying to pretend it's all perfect and put up with much more than you should for much longer than you should to save face. Please, for your own sake, if it does become unhappy don't be scared to admit it to yourself and leave. Although now because you have married him and he is far less successful than you unfortunately the later that happens the more of a financial hit you'll take for that as well. Lots of us do know what we're talking about as we've been through these things unfortunately.

They're not means tested as such but if taxable income is £60,000 or more (after deducting pension contributions) the tax charge cancels it out.

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I said they were paid (by student finance) and I PAY back

Okay, weird way to say it. Most people would say they got a loan from the SLC. Everyone knows how that system works.

And this is a successful manager in a finance company😂

Nothing wrong with an age gap relationship. Means nothing.
I was young when I got with DH, nearly a ten year age gap. He adores me. And I adore him.
He tells me he loves me each and every day. He makes me feel safe. I know for a fact I am the most important person to him and he has proved that over the last 20 years.

MN is a strange place. Often full of women who have been wronged by men who tar them all with the same brush. Yes, there are plenty of complete arseholes out there, but it’s not an age thing.

I’m genuinely happy for you @gutfightinghead and congratulations on your personal and professional successes.

In answer to your question, there’s a simple answer.
Your situation is not the norm.

But all the 'unbelievable sex' - you surely believe all the unbelievable sex?

Op if you are happy with your life why did you need to post your life onto MN.

What did you want to hear and why does it matter what strangers think.
You cant stop People judging.

But why are you paying back monthly when even as a student you saved enough to buy two properties and now are management in a high paying finance career, why not just pay it off since you’re so very wealthy?

You sound like a fantasist op. But if you're so happy with your DH and his passionate encounters and lower wage when you crack on. Not sure why you'd start a thread Inviting people to comment on your relationship if you don't want advice or opinions you just want everyone to be jealous or say how incredible it sounds.

Wow some of you are so nasty.

This is a lady who managed to save at least £40 - 50k while studying. That is phenomenal. Saving at least £1k per month.

assuming her investments yield more than about 7% return then it probably was worth it rather than using her disposable income to pay her student fees.

but I need to know what sort of job she had while at university that allowed such a huge disposable income! Awesome.