To think the young gf/wife gets a raw deal

[gutfightinghead]

I’m 15 years younger than my DH. We have been married a year and have a 4 month old baby. I’m 25, he’s 40 and we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and genuinely happy. We have our disagreements like everyone else but on the whole it’s a healthy, happy relationship.

however - I still find I get a lot of sneers and as if I must be a young bimbo for being much younger, like I’m a silly wee girl. We got a lot of ‘oh she’s a silly young girl’ or ‘she’s his mid life crisis’, ‘it’ll never last’ etc.

just recently we had an appointment with our solicitor about something and he apologised and we said why? And he said he got us all wrong on paper he expected some young dope not someone with career, sensible etc

ive also noticed on mumsnet itself a lot of younger gf/wives etc get a bad name or labelled very quickly.

if they’re the other woman I completely understand as I know that sometimes is the case when there’s a younger gf/wife but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly/naive/stupid??

Except that some people have read OP's other threads and are basing their judgement on the facts given there. Only days ago she posted about being upset about her husband's behaviour. Either the relationship is happy, as she claims here, or it isn't, as in the previous, very recent, thread. I think she's a fantasist, to be honest.

Well this is fun! 🍿

If OP was out earning Leo when in her early 20s I would be mightily impressed! 😁

@Bellyblueboy i never said maternity was linked to performance. I just happen to work for a good finance company.

i’m not in the mainland so house prices are cheaper.

i saved a lot to have financial stability and university fees are paid anyway so don’t know where someone said about the fees but they were paid and I pay back via student loan.

I have been working from 21 bought one residential and one investment, not 3 the way you’ve said.

DH is going through custody battle he initiated. We had a disagreement about it a few weeks ago. Resolved now thankfully.

Also to the person who said I said first wife because I assume there’ll be more, it was in response to someone calling his ex girlfriend his ex wife. That’s what I meant.

Again, people will call bullshit but not one thing I’ve said in this isn’t true. I got very lucky with my job, properties etc. i had a middle class childhood but it was fuelled with toxicity from two parents who never ever should’ve been together and a spell with a very abusive man. I’ve had lots of therapy and am thankfully finally content.

I think I came on here because I was feeling a little miffed at being a stereotype when I actually feel really happy. Wasn’t looking to offend anyone. Thank you again to all well meaning comments. To those making assumptions etc and wrong ones at that, I’ll politely decline your advice.

What do you want from this thread? You are with someone who is 15 years older, earns less than a 25 year old, and you wonder why people judge???
great if it works for you

Just because there's a tendency for middle aged men to seek younger women doesn't mean an age gap like OPs is inherently dubious and likely to end in tears.

A good friend of mine met a man 11 years her senior in her mid 20s, who had already been divorced once. Her father was very much against it, and as her friends (of around her age), we weren't sure either because he didn't much want to be part of our social circle and was critical of some of her choices- the way she dressed for example.

30 plus years have passed and they are still happily married. He retired early to be the stay at home dad so she could return to work full time. They are now both retired and travel a lot, going abroad several times a year.

A friend of my mother married a 60 year old when she was 20. They had 4 children and I recall meeting the family walking on a beach when the kids were all teens / young adults.

But OP, surely you can understand the reasons people will look askance at your relationship? Doesn't mean they're right and you're wrong, but you also don't know your future, as none of us do. Don't let it bother you, just get on with your life.

Will it?

I’m 49 and 15 years younger than my husband. It didn’t matter when I was 33 and it doesn’t matter now. He’s my world.

Yeah, nobody would say this.

I don't believe a solicitor said this, sorry OP.

Add “no student loan” to smug bingo

@gutfightinghead
got lucky with good investments in property I made at 21

So you are saying, that you, as a single person, had saved up enough money at 21 to have enough for at least deposits on TWO houses? One of which was buy-to-let?

Who was giving those kind of mortgages to single 21 year olds four years ago? I'm genuinely interested because regular people, more established with good credit / wage histories were struggling to get mortgages for one, regular house... Yet you managed to save up enough and prove you had enough to pay mortgages AND other bills at the tender age of 21!

Or did you have enough to buy them outright?! Which seems even less likely.

ive worked my way up quickly in the workplace to management level because I’m good at my job hence the maternity leave.

this is the quote OP. Maybe you are just a clumsy/poor communicator?

anyway whatever the truth of your profession/personal/sex life I wish you all the best.

but if the solicitor comment is true you might want to give some feedback there. Deeply weird and unprofessional.

Weird that you are so clever yet don't know that child benefit isn't means tested.

You still sound very immature and naive. This sounds like it was written by a 15 year old imagining what an ideal life might sound like.

It depends on the woman and the sort of life she wants to lead. Many women in middle age are a great deal healthier fitter and more enthusiastic about life than men of the same age. Hence the trope of heading out for proseco and dancing while their husband heads off to bed with cocoa.
For these women (and most 40/50s women I know are like this) being with a man their own age can be restricting enough, never mind one who's pushing 70.
You always get stories about old men running marathons, but not only are they the exception, I'll bet my house it takes it out of them in a way it wouldn't a younger man. So they're not running marathons AND running after young children AND doing DIY and house work AND out till 2am. With the best will in the world, they will have slowed down a great deal, and for this not to be a source of frustration, a younger woman needs to be the type to be content with a slower pace of life herself, and the sacrafice if some of the high energy things her husband has already enjoyed, and is now no longer capable of.
Which of course, some are, and this is when it works.
The trouble is when you're 25 with a 40 year old husband who's still hanging on to his youth and vitality with a bit of a last hoorah, you have no idea how you're going to feel when your life has to slow down to accommodate him.

😂 but it is. Google it. £50k and £60k

I've read this thread, and whilst I think the OP is getting a hard time, I'm raising my eyebrows a bit as well!

Whilst you maybe sensible, studied hard, don't drink, gained a qualification yawn yawn bla bla bla, I think you are really really naive.

Of course you are. With the greatest of respect, you maybe have a good relationship and a stable job, but you likely know very little of the world.
Have you travelled independently? Do you have many friends? Do you have hobbies? Have you genuinely had much fun in your life up to now outwith your relationship.

I suspect, age aside, as you and your partner grow older I think you'll regret settling down with someone 15 years older than you.

@CostelloJones are you having a hard time reading? I literally said I pay my fees through student loan??

Op clearly comes off as smug and some of her comments are quite amusing, but these are the kind of judgements that make people defensive.

If op was 35 and he was 50, would anybody be questioning if she has friends and hobbies? Saying she's boring for doing well, and saying she has a narrow world view?

There's a certain irony to thinking that travelling and nights out make you a whole person, but settling down and having things sorted is less than. See it all the time on here.

I'm sorry. So many red flags and I really dont know whether you're making me feel angry, or sad for you.

Met DH at 21, right? After a 5 year abusive relationship which culminated in a court case. Education, career, investments. Step child. Custody "battle". Only just married earlier this year AND had a baby in what, june, july? Even the expensive 10 week party came fraught with uncle issues.

If this is all true (and I'm in agreement with those who say there are elements and not the whole) then you are exhausting. You must be exhausted. Running on nervous energy or what?

Who are you trying to convince? And rest assured, you've not got this cracked. No one has it cracked at 25. Hell I'm 55 and am nowhere close. And this has nothing to do with any may/december relationship. Yes, you are a stereotype but not that.

I am smug, especially after this. I had a horrible childhood and a horrible relationship that nearly killed me. The only things that got me out was being sensible, therapy and working my ass off. My life isn’t perfect, my DH isn’t perfect but I’m genuinely happy and lucky. I’ve travelled a little and didn’t like it. It’s not for everyone. I’ve plenty of friends all of whom get on with my DH. maybe I will regret it but it’s been 4 years and I honestly love him more everyday, as he does me. You can think I’m naive but I’ve been there, done that and unfortunately have the t-shirt because of a narcissist family and abuser. I won’t be commenting anymore.

They're not means tested as such but if taxable income is £60,000 or more (after deducting pension contributions) the tax charge cancels it out.

just recently we had an appointment with our solicitor about something and he apologised and we said why? And he said he got us all wrong on paper he expected some young dope not someone with career, sensible etc

In the latest episode of “Things That Never Happened.”

It is cringe OP.

You were a young adult when you got together, he was nearing middle age!
Your life experience can't match his, how could it?

People will assume he left a wife for you maybe?

I'm sorry you're on the receiving end of any judgement but I would likely judge him or someone like him in a similar situation.

Also, will you really fancy a 50 odd year old with a saggy bum while you're still young?

I agree with this. It really comes across as if you're trying to convince people of how mature you are, it's like you're in a hurry to grow up. Maybe it'll all be absolutely fine but I think in 10 years when you get to the age he was when you met, you'll look back and realise just how young 21 is.