To think the young gf/wife gets a raw deal

[gutfightinghead]

I’m 15 years younger than my DH. We have been married a year and have a 4 month old baby. I’m 25, he’s 40 and we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and genuinely happy. We have our disagreements like everyone else but on the whole it’s a healthy, happy relationship.

however - I still find I get a lot of sneers and as if I must be a young bimbo for being much younger, like I’m a silly wee girl. We got a lot of ‘oh she’s a silly young girl’ or ‘she’s his mid life crisis’, ‘it’ll never last’ etc.

just recently we had an appointment with our solicitor about something and he apologised and we said why? And he said he got us all wrong on paper he expected some young dope not someone with career, sensible etc

ive also noticed on mumsnet itself a lot of younger gf/wives etc get a bad name or labelled very quickly.

if they’re the other woman I completely understand as I know that sometimes is the case when there’s a younger gf/wife but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly/naive/stupid??

Oh my god, please stop talking like a 50 year old. Or if you must, please let dear Aunt Flo enjoy her own passionate encounter.

Lol some posters have said I’m like a 14 year old and now I’m talking like a 50 year old. Ahhhhh can’t win 🤪

Surely maternity leave is available in Your company regardless of promotion? In the majority of workplaces maternity leave does not change by rank.

i Still say there must be family money here - I don’t know anyone these days who can pay student fees and living expenses and save enough for two deposits on buy to let. I assume your parents paid all your university fees and living costs?

a year of university costs north of £20k - I just can’t fathom how you saved enough during that period to start a small property empire unless you have a trust fund in the wings.

Haaaaa i earn loads and am happy i just think op talks some crap. Where in this country can you earn enough during uni to have deposits for two properties? Unless maybe mummy and daddy are funding you through university.....

And management at 25 "because you're good at the job". Given that the typical grad scheme is 3 years, you are describing this in extremely boastful terms op, which is why people dislike the tone. Yes you can be earning 60k or so at 25 (i was) but its unlikely you were very senior in the hierarchy of your organisation, its more likely just that you're in a field like finance where the salaries are fairly high.

@gutfightinghead several posters have not been attacking please read back all replies

We have a similar age gap. I have never observed any judgement directed at me. I have observed other men suggesting to my husband that my husband is punching above his weight / got lucky.

Maybe I haven't experienced judgement because although the age gap is similar, we didn't meet until I was late 30s.

I think people view young women with older men as a trope. Observe how many people assumed your husband had left his wife for you, even though there was no reason to assume that from your op. Rude. People like to judge and Mumsnet doesn't like an age gap.

My DP and I are planning to marry and he's 27 and I'm 43! There's been no prejudice at all. He's successful with a beautiful home and is excellent with my 3 year old.

And maternity leave is the same in any company for all staff - by law. You don't get a better deal because you are "management" or "good at the job". Lol

I don’t think anyone is attacking you. However if you’re so happy, why did you post about unhappy you are about your husbands relationship with his ex and his lack of concern about you?

People in happy relationships don’t need to rely on strangers for emotional support in their relationships.

As has been pointed out, nothing adds up. The salary implied isn’t a management level salary in the industry claimed.

I think you’re being a bit over dramatic, he’s not old enough to be your father if he’s 15 years older than you really. Also 40 isn’t exactly an old man! It’s still fairly young nowadays. I say this as a 32 year old. I’d consider dating a 45 year old and wouldn’t see it as me being LOADS younger than him which is what you seem to think about yourself? If you were 20 and he was 50, yeah that would be icky.

I have observed other men suggesting to my husband that my husband is punching above his weight / got lucky.

Well yes this just nicely illustrates the value many men attach to the age of their partners. As if having a younger woman is some sort of prize like a possession.

OP not sure why you're getting defensive when you started a thread about this! I do agree with others to see how you feel when you're in your thirties. I dated older men in my 20s but now I'm older myself I can see it was never in my favour.

The solicitor actually said that? Even if he thought it i highly doubt they said that. That would be highly unprofessional

I've tried telling her there's a reason women his own age aren't interested

Couldn’t agree more.

Well I hope you "fancy the life out of him" when you're in your sexual prime and he's nearly 60.

My DP's 22 year old daughter is about to marry a man 20 years older than her, whose kids are just a few years younger than she is.

Everyone cringes like fuck. She of course thinks it's the romance of the century - everyone a bit older and wiser sees it as a bit sad (at best).

Fuck, why didn’t I just work hard and buy BTL properties!

I too could be living my best life!

You seem like you can stand up for yourself perfectly well, so take that forward into your real life if you ever feel people are criticising you.

There is a well established view that older men who are successful ,will take a "Trophy wife" to show off to his mates ,while a young pretty wife is looked after well.Your RL sounds different to this and more healthy.If you are happy then try to ignore the comments .You are 25 and hes 40 .This doesnt seem such a huge gap TBH if he were 50 plus yes! My friend was happily married for years with a gap similar to this

It's just prejudice. The age gap really depends on the couple. I personally think Macron is fine with his wife ( whom I like a lot), although the gap is vast.
If my daughter came home with someone who is 15 or 25 years older than she, I would worry for her old age: man tend to become difficult then and do not bear well the aches and downturns of ageing.
Nothing else really.

This.

I think the clue is in the name. Gutfightinghead. Always wise to engage the brain first, OP.

I mean, I'm a 36 year old woman, and no matter how good looking, intelligent, interesting, kind a man is, if he's 21 I'm going to be feeling quite motherly towards him. I would also know that no matter all his amazing qualities, and no matter what challenges he has come up against, he isn't old enough to have experienced everything he needs to yet to become the fully formed "him".

So with that in mind, I would automatically dismiss a 21 year old man.

For whatever reason, men don't feel the same about younger women.

"Age is just a number" often gets trotted out, but the fact is that only applies to much older men with younger woman. You hardly ever meet a 30 or 40 something woman with a 20 something man. And these middle aged men who are so good at seeing beyond age, somehow never find themselves with 60 year old women...

He was 15 and she was 40. 🫣

Unfortunately your lack of comprehension to the answers you've received and the assumption that anyone who challenges you is old and bitter and just doesn't understand that you're different to all the rest only serves to highlight your immaturity and rose tinted glasses outlook.

I'm really not trying to be mean but just because you don't get the answers doesn't mean they're not valid.

I was 26 when I met my 40 year old DH. It was fine to start with but 10 years on the gap is much more noticeable I'm afraid to say. I'm 35 now. Could not imagine going out with a man in his early 20s. I would not want my daughter to do what I did.

Just being honest.

• I have a great job and earn loads
• worked my way up quickly from a young age
• invested in multiple properties
• good at my job
• great maternity leave
• could support myself if I wanted to
• first wife
• lovely baby who sleeps through the night at four months (why don’t yours/who says they don’t)
• fancy my sexy older husband so much
• he is a really great person too
• we have sex every night and it’s amazing sex
• Everyone thought I would be a bimbo but I’m so not and they admit they are wrong
• everyone can see he is so happy since I came along

Smug Bingo