To think the young gf/wife gets a raw deal

[gutfightinghead]

I’m 15 years younger than my DH. We have been married a year and have a 4 month old baby. I’m 25, he’s 40 and we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and genuinely happy. We have our disagreements like everyone else but on the whole it’s a healthy, happy relationship.

however - I still find I get a lot of sneers and as if I must be a young bimbo for being much younger, like I’m a silly wee girl. We got a lot of ‘oh she’s a silly young girl’ or ‘she’s his mid life crisis’, ‘it’ll never last’ etc.

just recently we had an appointment with our solicitor about something and he apologised and we said why? And he said he got us all wrong on paper he expected some young dope not someone with career, sensible etc

ive also noticed on mumsnet itself a lot of younger gf/wives etc get a bad name or labelled very quickly.

if they’re the other woman I completely understand as I know that sometimes is the case when there’s a younger gf/wife but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly/naive/stupid??

So before he got together with you he was 36 dating a 19 year old?

He’s not Leonardo DiCaprio is he?

I've met many of all ages and even those in their 60s (and older) close to retirement would know not to say such things when in a professional appointment!

Give it 10 years and you will understand.
Sadly.

I'm not even happy that my 21 yo sister is dating a 31 year old. Only losers are attracted to girls barely out of their teens. I've tried telling her there's a reason women his own age aren't interested

I'm assuming you've only been in your job for a very short time period.

Finish university - 21
Finish post grad - 22 minimum
May leave and 4 month old - that going to be at least 5+ months out of work so far. And now 25.

So your 2-3 years in post grad and already earning more than a 40y who's had at least 17+ years in his career. Hmm. I'm assuming his bit in a similar type of job/career situation then.

Come back and post in 15 years and show everyone they are wrong.

Who's everyone @BrawnWild? There are several posters not criticising the OP and/or her situation

everyone else

My father in law left his wife for someone the same age as his kids. Had more kids with her. Then got Alzheimers.

The younger wife spent 16 years of her middle age caring for him before he died. I wouldn't recommend putting yourself in that position.

🤣🤣🤣

There was sixteen years between my parents although my dad had never had a serious relationship before he married my mother.

They had a successful marriage but I'd still be upset if my own daughter, now twenty brought home a man in his forties.

You seem in a good place though with your career especially as you earn more now than your middle aged husband.

Nothing to suggest previous children and a long-term relationship other than the OP saying that is exactly the situation her husband was in, albeit she clarified that his previous relationship had ended before she met him.

How about you read the thread rather than jumping on everyone else when they have actually bothered to.

Why exactly are you so invested that you‘ve felt the need to reply to multiple posters?

we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and genuinely happy.

Plus you have a lovely baby...doesn't sound much like a "raw deal" to me!

Enjoy your life - kids will age you in no time at all anyway (well that's been my experience haha!)

PS: I'd find another solictor, quite honestly...

Well each to their own, I don't see why a successful 25 year old woman would be endeared to a 40 year old man to be honest, but if you are then great. I suppose lots of people have met enough men to know they often view younger women as 'trophies' rather than equal partners, but of course your DH isn't like that, is he?

To answer your question op.
I know most people would see it as

25 yr old needs financial security and father figure.
40 yr old likes the status symbol of having a young girlfriend to parade around and also knows he has a carer lined up in the future.

My best friend from university married an older man with a fifteen-ish year age gap. I married my dh a couple of years later and we have similar aged children.

When she was 25, my dh was 28 and her dh was 40 it was fine. Although it did sometimes feel like you were on holiday with your dad! But now we are 49. Well, she is, I've just turned 50. My dh is 53 and hers is 66 it seems huge.

That is definitely the common preconception.

But I’ve noticed there’s also a sub category of:
Somewhat Fucked up older man who can’t get a woman his own age because they’re well versed in red flags.
Somewhat fucked up younger women who due to childhood issues puts an overly high premium on what they consider to be signs of adulthood, and see status in being accepted by an older person.

@MargotBamborough

Yeah, this post is what made it fall apart for me, ridiculous.

So she bought properties, plural, as investment aged 21.

She is on >£100k aged 25. With fully paid maternity, absolutely ridiculous.

It is extremely hard for the younger woman to see what is so cringe about it until they are older and have lived through what tends to happen through their thirties.

Come back to this thread in 10 years when you are 35 & your husband is 50.

Men the same age as you may be leaving long term relationships with women a similar age, often because she's not willing to be fobbed off about marriage/children any longer because for her, time is running out. You may "get it" then.

She’s not said over £100k has she? Her threshold for bragging was the child benefit cut off. Which is a great salary for a 25 year old… but suggests the out-earned 40 year old is not exactly pulling his weight financially.

@NW1738 never said I was on over >100k??

i didn’t drink alcohol and worked and saved my whole uni life which meant I was able to put down payments on two properties. One as investment and one as a residential that I later converted to buy to let and I sold one then for me and my husband to buy our home. It’s not rocket science.

ive worked my way up quickly in the workplace to management level because I’m good at my job hence the maternity leave.

sheesh some people on here are just pure attackers!!

Op don't waste your breath.

There are some very bitter, jealous women on here. You are happy. They probably aren't. That's the only conceivable reason that they'd be so unpleasant.

Being good at your job doesn’t have anything to do with being entitled to maternity leave.

My MIL was 18 and FIL was 33 when they got married 😬
Too much backstory but it was her escape.

Anyway they had a 'successful' marriage in that it lasted and they had 3DC. MIL died a few years ago. I always thought she led a very small life and was increasingly frustrated with her aging, introverted DH particularly when's she got into her 50s.

I definitely wouldn't want the same for my young successful DD to be burdened with what you have in early 20s

I hope it works out for you

Also whoever said about 4 month olds not sleeping during the night. My baby sleeps about 7 hours a night so me and DH manage to have quality time together whilst he’s asleep. I suppose I’m lying too when I say we have sex every night bar when Aunt Flo makes her monthly appearance. cue the attack

OP with due respect, come back when you’re 40 and tell us how you feel about 25 year olds then and if you’d date one, then you might understand why these men are judged.