Seeing lots of single child family

[Guffpuff]

We went for a long walk today around a reservoir. It's quite a popular place. We saw a large number of single child families. We feel that it's becoming more and more common now. Could be due to Cost of living and inflation or mix of lots of reasons.
Is this something you're observing as well?

There are more but i think the big noticeable change is how rare it is to have more than 2.

In my class as kid there were 4 families out of 28 that had 4 children. 3 children was common - at least half the class.

In my DS class of 30 there's just one child from a 4 child family (and they are rare), and only a couple from 3 child families. 2 kids, either 2 or 3 years apart, is very common.

Around here, most people I know have two or three. Thinking of my eldest sons final year in primary(22/33), I don't think any of his classmates were onlys. Similarly, my daughter has just started reception and I don't think there are any single children in there either.

We're completely bucking the trend anyway, and due with number seven early next year.

My DS told me his class did a poll and he's the only only. 😭

Ofc this has made me feel very guilty... I've been on the fence but he's now 7, I've been back at work and contributing to a pension for the past 18 months; this feels great. I'm not sure I have everything in me to start from scratch again.

Part of the problem is that ideally the government would like each couple to have 2 children to replace themselves as taxpayers, while both working to prop up house prices, but somehow not needing childcare so they don't have to fund it properly...

I have a toddler and am 90% sure he won't be getting a sibling.

The main issue for me is the endless illnesses that are picked up at nursery, it means my DS gets sick and sent home but also that I get sick and fall behind at my job. We have no family nearby to help so Sep-Mar is just insanely stressful because both my DH and I work full time.

A second child would just prolong this awful juggling act.

A close relative of mine is expecting their second but they have grandparents from both sides nearby who help out.

We have one not by choice (multiple miscarriages), but as time goes on I really how much harder it would have been to have two. Especially if you have one of each gender, or with different interests.

At the minute, we are rid of childcare costs as DS is in school, I can work flexibly enough to take him to lots of activities, and weekends can be spent going out doing child-friendly things. If we had two, we’d have less money, we’d need a bigger house (major consideration in London), and would have to drag the other child to his rugby/swimming/whatever clubs. So each child would end up doing half as many, just because I can’t be in two places at once.

So I can see why people might choose to stick at one child. I do sometimes think DS misses out on having somebody to play with, but there’s no guarantee he’d play with a sibling anyway.

How old is the child you? Either they could have another sibling you just didn't see or they will have another child at some point. COL hasn't got that bad yet to affect people's fertility choices IMO.

Mine is nearly 2 years old now.

Yes it's common where we are in an affluent part of London. DC1 is at a prep and there are lots of onlies. For many of them being able to afford private education will have been the deciding factor, plus age and busy careers. There are a few parents with 3+ dc and it seems like a bit of a status symbol (and it is, being able to afford 3x school fees and a 4+ bed house and nanny/sahm).

I have to say though, i had various issues that meant a third wasnt possible and it does make me sad at times that i'll probably only end up with 3 or 4 grandkids.

My two get along really well, I can't imagine either as an only child!

In my circle, people mainly have 2 children but with a large age gap so you can easily think they are a one child family.
For example there’s 6 years between DD1 and DD2 and this was mainly because of childcare fee and we wanted to save when DD1 started getting her free hours then and that’s like the same as most of our friends.
DD2 just started school but if you see me, you’ll think we’re a one child family because she’s going to a different school from her sibling and their activities and clubs are so different so someone goes out with just one of them most times.

would have to drag the other child to his rugby/swimming/whatever clubs. So each child would end up doing half as many, just because I can’t be in two places at once.

Somehow though it just isn't like this for us. My two have swimming & tennis at the same time. Eldest loves the half hour he and i have together while youngest is in ballet. We chat, digest the week, play card games. No one is dragged anywhere. When we have to go two places, DH takes one & i take the other.

Both are honestly happy with it because they love having each other

@RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway I suspect as it’s a private school my observations are skewed somewhat because finance’s definitely come into play. I wouldn’t feel guilty however, I’m one of 5 and I’m very close to 3 not so much the other one. And I hear the same from other large families.

What I notice though is those with only’s are far more structured with their time. They specifically plan opportunities for their children is socialise. Where as I tend to be more relaxed as they entertain fight each other mostly. 😂

@mrsDracoMalfoy true lol! I have a brother 2.8 then two younger sisters both 10 and 10+ agr gap. We are all full siblings too. The only children were probably born before this most recent COL anyway.

This is tremendously helpful as it resonates with why I think I should stick with one.

I also agree that a second kid can be the straw that breaks the camel's back in many marriages. If you've got lots of local family support, or one spouse is really happy to quit or scale back their career, then I think a marriage can survive a second child, but if both parents are trying to maintain their careers, and have no village to rely on, then the second child means they are just spread too thin and can't cope.

I think my DS would prefer to be in a home with two happy parents who are still together as opposed to getting a sibling but having his parents divorce a year or so later.

We are a single child family, for lots of reasons. I had quite crippling PND after she was born, and that definitely changed my mind, before I had her I would have said I would have 2/3 kids. Also, we have a decent sized but not massive 3 bed semi, and one room is a box room - perfect size for 3, tight squeeze for 4. Same goes for cars/holidays/days out.

We earn fairly decently, but we're not rolling in it, but we can live a comfortable life, and kids are expensive to raise, so sticking at one will mean we can probably retire earlier 🤣

Don't mind me saying but not everyone who has fertility issues leaves it late. Plenty of younger women have IVF. I was 29 when I started IVF and 30 when I had my first. 35 when I had my second. 25 when we started TTC. This isn't unusual.

I have adult children but my kids and their friends overwhelmingly have 2 children. I'm thinking of their friendship group of say 10 couples each and I think I can maybe think of 1 family between them who have more than two kids. I can think of a few who have none.

Two kids seems the standard in their circles. No onlies and very few 3 or above. A few with none. Interesting...

I think you are seeing what you want to see. Some of them might have other children elsewhere. I usually only have one with me as the other one is at school. Most families I know have two, some have three. Not many only children.

I have four - but an unusual journey. DH and I both previously widowed, so I have two children from my previous relationship, DH has a daughter- my DSD- and we have a baby daughter together. She might appear to be an only as she grows up, as the age gap to the others is around 10 years. I am about to turn 38 and not intending to have any more! But enjoying our large family despite the chaos.

I don’t think you can know if they’re one child families. We’re often out and about with only 2 kids, but we actually have 4.

It’s also not my experience. I worked out the average child per family of my son’s class (inspired by the fact someone is expecting twins) and it’s over 3 kids per family! Only one, 1-child family in the class. I suspect what is more common are the people choosing to have none at all. Many of my old school friends (who are now nearly past it) have not had kids.

Like @mrsDracoMalfoy says, other sibling (s) could be away doing their own thing with friends, staying at home, etc etc

I find it interesting that many people from non-white cultural backgrounds are still having 4/5 children regularly. It’ll be interesting to see the effect on the british demographic in the decades to come.

Out of interest, are people from area with say very strong or protestant backgrounds also having 1 child, out of choice? I do wonder

I haven't noticed it within my local area. I live in a very middle class village but most families have at least 2.

We have one by choice but certainly seem to be the exception where we live.

The wider town is very deprived in places but there are lots of larger families with 3+ children.

On holiday in Austria this summer, I saw far more one child families. Felt less 'odd one out' there.

For us, it was partly that DS delivery was difficult and the baby year very tough. I didn't want to do it again.

There is also the financial consideration, although we are comfortably off. Childcare/food/clothes/hobbies/holidays. Then as he gets older, uni costs/driving lessons/support with a house. I don't think we could afford to support more than one child.

@User342465662 I think parenthood changes your life so much I would of had the 2nd with a 3/4 age gap in hindsight. Even if you have 1 child your relationship changes anymore than 2 DC then I do agree with most of what you're saying. A sibling bind is nice not just growing up but it's later on in life too whilst there's no guarantees usually 2 siblings do get along fine.

Yes - I've 6 "best friends" from different stages of my life, who are not friends with each other. All 38-45. 1 has 2 children and 1 is expecting her first. The other 4 have said they are unlikely to have any.