Seeing lots of single child family

[Guffpuff]

We went for a long walk today around a reservoir. It's quite a popular place. We saw a large number of single child families. We feel that it's becoming more and more common now. Could be due to Cost of living and inflation or mix of lots of reasons.
Is this something you're observing as well?

I am due my second soon, I've had to have a slightly larger age gap to afford it as that way DD will have started school by the time I start paying nursery fees for this one. No way we could have afforded 2 nursery.

Also completely get cost of holidays! We were never precious about going abroad and whenever we've done a UK holiday as a 3 it's always a 4 bed place we book so hopefully that won't be too much of a shock when this one comes along!

Same. It’s cost unfortunately. Can’t see how we could help with university, extortionate driving lessons and first car plus insurance (DHs colleagues child who is 17 is 3k for the year and they have just passed). Helping them with a house deposit and for their wedding.

Not least, having holidays, days out, and less financial worry throughout life. Not having to make Christmas presents even. Not having to say no to school trips. Having couple time for me and DH!

We’re about to TTC so I might change my mind when we’ve got one.

How do you know they are single child families? My DH and I frequently take one child out each as our oldest has a disability and they are hard to manage together.

It's not something I've noticed tbh.

You also can't tell that it's an only child family from a snapshot. Ds3 (6) comes everywhere with either me, dh or both on weekends. Supermarket, dog walks, park etc. But older dc are 13 and 15 so generally come for the 'big' days out but not when we're nipping round locally. We could have been one of the families you saw.

It seems to be working families that are moving towards only having one in my experience.

I am assuming many of them were single child families as both parents were there with an only child.I might be wrong but I know many of the families in my DS's swimming lessons and other baby groups who have just stick to one DC.

One and done by choice. A few in our DD class too. We are happy that way!

Isn’t it crazy though to think of the effects if more and more people have one, there’s ultimately going to be less people around.

Or ‘the squeezed middle’ aka most working families only having one, with only people who fall outside of that bracket at either side having multiple children.

If it wasn't for covid I probably would have stuck at one.

I was lulled into a false sense of security by DH being around more and not having the cost of a long commute or extended nursery hours to accommodate that commute.

I have an only. For a number of reasons. We were ambivalent about having any (if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't it doesn't) We're older parents. We don't qualify for government support, nor do we live near family- she only has one grandparent who is 3-4 hours away. We had an amazing life travelling the world etc before her and want to be able to share that with her, which is very different to my childhood (basically no family holidays dropped off at grandparent in Somerset or Lake District) . Plus although my pregnancy and birth were problem free, I can't imagine choosing to go through that again.

I think two is easier. A single child has no one to play with. So you don’t get a minutes peace. Pros and cons to everything.

I’ve seen this said a lot and someone saying the statistics support his but I’m not seeing it much in my circle. We are fairly certain DD will be an only but do feel a bit of anomaly in real life.

Cost is a big one for us. We would need the 30 funded hours to save for a second maternity leave, so we’d be looking at having a second when DD is closer to 4. I just don’t know if I want that big of an age gap, I don’t know if I want to do a pregnancy 5 years older (in my late thirties). I don’t know if I want to go back the boredom of a baby, the sleepless nights. Another factor though is I just don’t know if we will enjoy raising another. We don’t have any family nearby and it’s fine, it’s hard but on the whole we enjoy being parents. With two and no family support it just seems like a logistical nightmare and I think it would tip us into not enjoying it.

I guess also, having a second is consciously making a decision to halve the opportunities you can provide to your first. Time, money, energy, opportunities. That might be a good lesson to learn. Or it might alter their opportunities if you are average or below average earners and wanted to continue working full time.

Around here it’s very much two or three kids
per family. Very few onlies. So I can’t say I’ve noticed.

I’ve always liked the look of only child families - it’s a very good life hack and studies have shown only child families are happier. And obviously have more resources for their child.

We went for two as I have a few friends who hated being onlies. We’re also older parents (had DC at 36) so suspected the house might feel too adult and quiet with just us knocking around for company.

Single child family here too. NCT group of 8 is split 50:50, with half of the families choosing to stay at one child. We made our choice based on a number of factors & experiences but one of the main ones was when we realised we’d only be trying for a second in order to give DD a sibling because that was what was expected, not what we actually wanted.

My DS is the only 'only' in his year at school. I get a lot of comments and judgment about it. It was the right decision for us for so many reasons but not an easy one.

I know loads of people who stopped at one. From what I can tell, it seems to be mostly because they are having their first child in mid to late 30s (often via IVF) and either can't have another, or feel too old to want to risk it/do it again.

My youngest's class is full of pretty much single child families.

Possibly controversial but I think the fact that parenting is expected to be so much more intense/ proactive and lengthy now has an impact. We’re getting into “little emperor territory”. Plus social media means there is more honest info out there about the realities of parenting ( tbh mostly being a mother) and how it is a bit of a ball ache a lot of the time in terms of the day to day stuff.

The onlies in DS’s class are both “family unit” onlies but both have much older half siblings so I think that’s another dynamic. The parent who already has kids only wants one more, especially if they are “older”.

People used to think l was because of 9 year age gap
. Eldest was out clubbing and l was taking youngest on holiday on my own.. so no don't presume

I think more people are having a 4-5 year age gap between their children perhaps? Partly due to taking longer to conceive a 2nd child with couples being older and sometimes planned so that not paying a double set of nursery fees. A lot more couples seem to split up early on nowadays so never got to the stage of having a 2nd child

Or maybe they're just at that stage of life where they only have one child, but will have more later on.

Remember, every family starts off as a one child family if you don't have multiples.

@BlueSoul that's such a shame that people still tend to judge onlies. What year is your DC in school?
My best friend and SIL are both onlies and they didn't care about having a sibling when they were younger.

I was out with one of my children on their own today (age 4) I have two other smaller children at home so if you saw me you would have assumed it was a one child house but it’s not