Seeing lots of single child family

[Guffpuff]

We went for a long walk today around a reservoir. It's quite a popular place. We saw a large number of single child families. We feel that it's becoming more and more common now. Could be due to Cost of living and inflation or mix of lots of reasons.
Is this something you're observing as well?

Apparently around 50% of families have only one child. So it kind of quite normal I think. It’s a myth that it’s not the norm iyswim

We have one child which we were incredibly lucky to have fallen pregnant with naturally (took 2.5 years) We thought we would have a second but it just never happened naturally over the years my child was a toddler/young school age. I was then diagnosed with a chronic incurable illness two years ago, so my husband and I made the decision for him to have the snip because for me to fall pregnant now would endanger both mine and baby’s lives.

As it happens in my child’s year group at school, she is one of two only children - all of the other children in her year group have siblings.

I do find it easier to organise my child’s activities (both in and out of school) and all the finances associated with those activities (breakfast club, swimming lessons, karate, etc), compared to other parents who have two or more children. I find my life less stressful with one (less stress is needed for my medical condition anyway) so maybe in some ways it was the universe’s way of telling me not to have a second child, if that makes sense?

Please don’t assume all parents with one child actually wanted to stop at one - in some cases it will be reasons that were out of their control.

This must be a generational thing. The financial arguments I totally get, that is a large part of why we stopped at 2. But not wanting to go through pregnancy again I cannot relate to at all. DD (DS2) is 17 next month I still sometimes feel sad I will never be pregnant or breast feed again.

I'd love to have 2 but I think we'll have to stop at 1 as it would be dangerous for me to try again health wise after 2 losses and complications. A few of my friends are content with the 1. 2 is very costly.

I think that the increasing age of parents plays into this. If you have your first at 24, as was the norm 50 years ago, you have a good 15+ years of fertility ahead you in which to have a second. If you have your first late 30s/early 40s, then of course it's have them close together or stick to one.

For my part, I really wanted two. But a number of things happened. My relationship with DP took a real nosedive. After DC was born he turned controlling, prone to rage and on top of that he doesn't pull his weight with DC. I decided that I couldn't put myself and existing DC through the experience of parenting with him again. But it's not only that. I feel that it's already a lot to juggle my life with work, family, etc. I don't enjoy the drudgery of parenting, and a second would bring with it even more drudgery for not much more reward. I would also have to move house to afford somewhere with two rooms, which I don't want to do.

I know a woman who is an only and she married an only (both are now in their 60s so was not as common back then). They had 4 children. Their kids have no Aunts, no Uncles, no Cousins. I always thought that seemed kind of sad.

ETA: This message was in reply to @Comedycook 's post. For some reason it didnt include their quote.

I have recently turned 35 and have a 10 month old DD who is perfect. I honestly don't know how I feel about having a second child yet. We are a very solid family unit of 3 and have lots of fun and I don't feel an urge to have another, at least yet! I ideally wanted to wait until DD was 3 to make it easier to have a newborn baby when she was close to being ready for school but I might feel too old to do pregnancy and birth again I don't know. If I end up only having one then it wouldn't necessarily be for financial reasons it would be most likely because I haven't felt the need to have anymore. If it feels right then I would do it again but I wouldn't go through it all again just to give my DD a sibling.

Agree, my DS is 13, DD is 8. DS is out with friends all the time now so if I'm out and about it's usually just with DD.

How do you know they were single child families at the reservoir? It's impossible to be sure. Could've had an older child but not with them on that particular outing, lots of other explanations.

I’m the eldest of a large family. It was not a good upbringing. All of my siblings are childfree by choice (and past the age now where children are an option), and I have one by choice.

I haven't noticed a massive change tbh. I'm 37, 3 kids 5, 3 And just turned 1. Id say half of those I know have 3 or more. We aren't rich, we both work (I'm part time 3dpw) very, very average family. We just get on with it. Brother has 3 kids, my two sisters have 2 each. I have 2 close friends with 4. I don't think much of it tbh, it's just choice.

I see families near me with a lot of children. I have four, as does my next door neighbour. I know several families with at least 4, one with 10 children.

I find it a rare situation to bump into single child families.

This happens with us as I have two teenagers who have their own stuff going on and often they don't accompany us on day trips/outings. Outwardly it looks like I "only" have two children 😂

We have one by choice but of her class in school there is only one other single child family and the mum would have loved another, it just didn't happen.

I only know of one other family who have one by choice, there seems to be a lot due to circumstance/fertility. Best not to assume....

My DC never see one aunt and uncle in their family. That's even more sad.

At least knowing you don't have one is out of your control from the outset. I am sure your friends four DC have plenty friends between them😊

@ginandtonicwithlimes I completely agree not all women having ivf are older. I started ivf when I was 35 and didn't have success until 40 (not with ivf in the end), which I don't think is that old to start, and that was for a second dc. I think statistically women are having babies later and fertility does decline unfortunately. I don't think it's a main factor; I think more women are happy being child free or sticking with one.

Thinking about it I did know a woman from baby group years ago who had ivf for her first but said she wouldn't put herself through it a second time, so she was 'one and done' for that reason. Completely fair enough.

I'm currently waiting to pop with #1 so might eat my words / you never know what the future holds but we expect to stick with one. I always thought we would have two but financially I can't see us being able to have two in childcare at once, and we don't want to wait 3+ years for the second as that will make us late 30s and just stretch out the financially difficult years.
I've also hated pregnancy and the idea of putting myself through it again, but with the addition of a child to look after, fills me with horror.
I also think with one we will be able to afford a more positive lifestyle - travel, holidays, clubs, driving lessons, university etc as they grow compared to if we had more.
We both have siblings and I feel a little sad about my child not having that, but then neither of us are close to our siblings as adults so having more than one child doesn't always equal companionship past childhood.

Both neighbours either side of us are single child families (children are aged 7/8 so probably unlikely to change) so I think it’s more common where I live, which is in the smaller homes of an affluent area with good schooling. If you’re not wealthy but want to stay in this area then it’s either one child, or have 2 sharing a room. The family opposite us with 2 children just got a big extension as moving to another part of this area with bigger houses is prohibitively expensive. That being said I do have a friend who grew up in one of these houses who was one of four and her mum slept in the living room. So you can make it work if you want to but I prefer having space.

We have one child by choice, I still see more families with 2 than with 1, but we do know more and more people like us who have decided that 1 is the perfect number for them.

They might have a big gap. I have an older teen and primary kid. The older teen doesn't come to the park with us 😂

I did not want a second child despite being relatively young (29 when my DC was born), having a supportive partner who pulls their weight with housework and parenting, no fertility issues and enough income to support two kids. For some reason my nervous system is just frazzled by the constant demands and sleep deprivation of parenting.

Of course, I am accidentally pregnant now with a 3 year gap but it wasn’t my intention.

I have one DS and I'm now a single / co-parent. So I'm really giving my only the worst of both worlds. I would've loved to have another but my marriage fell apart before that could happen. I'm too old for another one now, and unlikely to ever want another relationship ever again.
I would not choose this if I could do it all again.

Okay, each to their own. We had a difficult start so in someway I'd like to experience the newborn stage in a more enjoyable way. Not enough to have another child though. I'm nor sure what you mean by a generational thing? I've never had that yearning for a child- that's not generational, just how I feel. Neither of my brothers have children, and neither do about half my closest friends- out of choice and at an age where it's a definite child free choice (40s+)

Birth rate is about 1.7 & people are having dc older

Lots of younger people don't even want to have one.