Seeing lots of single child family

[Guffpuff]

We went for a long walk today around a reservoir. It's quite a popular place. We saw a large number of single child families. We feel that it's becoming more and more common now. Could be due to Cost of living and inflation or mix of lots of reasons.
Is this something you're observing as well?

We'd love a sibling for our child but he was our third IVF transfer and we will be having one more transfer but if that doesn't work then we'll have one.

I have 6 friends that I can think off offhand who have one child for a variety of reasons and none of them are financial.

@Guffpuff Dd1 is 12, so I don’t think it’s necessary a recent thing. Although now thinking about our catholic prep school it’s probably not the norm, we have a couple of families with 4 children or even 5 but with large age gaps.

It’s such an interesting decision isn’t it. I have a 3 year old and I think we’re one and done. For me… I’m 40, absolutely hated pregnancy and can’t imagine having to handle 2 kids being so knackered all the time! They all sound selfish reasons?
from a bigger perspective I am worried about the impact of climate change and what kind of world we are going to be bringing children into. I’d much rather foster or adopt and care for humans who are already here

I do wonder if a second would be nice for my son and I know my husband feels a bit disappointed. But I think 1 is ok as long as we have friends and extended family around a lot

My only is perfectly able to.play by herself. Growing up, my older brothers tried to ditch me at every opportunity..

There are only two one child family in my dd's class of 30 kids. Currently we are the third, but I'm due a second soonish with a 7 1/2 year age gap due to secondary infertility and recurrent losses, we wanted a 2 year gap. Most people I know have two, some three. So I've not seen this where I live. I guess women leaving it later to have dc and that affecting fertility for a second could be a factor.

Most women in my circle have remained childless so i am the anomaly having 1. The parents in DD's class that live in the vicinity of the school only have 1 and I assume that's down to the cost of housing in our area alongside the cost of childcare. The only children in her class that have siblings either live on the council estate or commute in from further out where it's cheaper. Growing up, where I live now, I was also the child on my street with a sibling.

We went out today with just my son. Daughter chose to stay home. Lots of kids have clubs at the weekend so the other child is single for a couple of hours. Most friends of mine still aim for two but singles are due to age, secondary infertility or an unsupportive partner who wants to stick at 1 child.

I have one because I don't want any more. Is that a good enough reason?

Yes, you would be seeing it because the UK’s total fertility rate (TFR) has declined from 1.94 TFR in 2010 to 1.55 TFR. TFR is not quite the same as births per woman, it’s more an estimate of the average number of children an average woman would have in her fertile years- the replacement rate TFR is 2.1. Globally, TFR has dropped pretty universally apart from a few outliers such as Nigeria. The U.K. is still in the middle of the range, but we’re seeing ultra low fertility levels (TFR around 1) in places like Japan, South Korea, and increasingly in Europe (e.g Italy and Spain).

Reasons tend to be specific to the particular national context, but often include delays to childbearing due to need to get ‘established’ (employed, stably housed, in a stable relationship- all of which is taking an increasingly large amount of time) plus things which deter larger families such as cost of living, cost of housing, childcare costs. Also big factors include ideals of intensive parenting (as a PP mentioned), sexism, workplaces being unsupportive of parenting, lack of family support etc. Basically, make it hard, unpleasant and expensive for people to have kids and they stop having them or as many….

Sadly, most countries have a ‘fertility gap’ where the stated number of children women want to have (their ‘fertility intention’) remains around 2 or higher, but the number they do actually have is much less. Some places (such as the nordics) have managed to increase fertility but a lot of other places have failed. Mostly because they offer financial incentives (easy) when they really need to do major work on how their societies actually support families (very hard).

Single child is fantastic! You get to experience motherhood but also have your own life, identity and earning power back as soon as possible. It's much easier to arrange childcare with grandparents and you have to deal with the lowest number of potential sick days.

Also borderline unpopular opinion...many marriages crack and break under the strain of two or more kids. It's a cumulative effect of too many years of sleep deprivation, babies, toddlers, mess and stress. The mother isn't in best shape after consecutive pregnancies and she might not be feeling the best about her body etc. People muddle through for years and eventually realise there's nothing left.

Having one baby is already enough of an upheaval in a relationship. However being one and done means you can work through issues and spend time alone before it really goes pear shaped. DH and I have been going on kid-free holidays 3 times a year since DD was 3. Usually only 3-4 nights but it's amazing and brings the spark back into marriage.

Those at the top end and bottom end of the scale will continue having as many as they like, certainly if finances and environmental reasons aren’t a consideration.

I'm sure it is increasing but some of those cases it could just be that one child is seeing a friend or something. We have two but often only take one out.

My daughters 2 closest friends are both single child families. Very handy as they constantly invite her to things so their kids aren’t lonely!

I think it depends on the child what level of independent play they will do- but one child is certainly easier in the sense of less laundry, less dishes, less mess, lower cost, less ferrying to activities, less parents’ evenings/ shows, less costumes to buy/ make for Halloween or WBD or PE kit to remember or pack lunches to make, usually more sleep over the years, if your one is at a sleepover you have a free night, not having to go through pregnancy and labour again etc etc

Curious to know how you know they were all one child families? And their other child or children weren't at clubs, playdates, contact time with another parent etc?

We are a 1 child family. Basically DC1 was a miracle baby and surprisingly healthy.

DH and I both carry a gene which means we're likely to have a child with severe disabilities and a short life (if not miscarried)

DC1 was a complete surprise and we were on tenterhooks for the entire 9 months with scans weekly. We had a few worries but got there in the end

Have had many miscarriages and after DC1 we just felt we were so content just as a small family of 3. So decided that was that.

He has a friend over once a weekend. And enjoys 3 clubs per week. So he's not lonely and he knows if he's feeling lonely he can tell us and we'll sort it out (usually in school holidays!)

Love it 😊

Utterly anecdotal but on our little road all except one family with the younger children have a single child weirdly all boys. Us with teens all have two

DH and I always thought we’d have two children, our DS (4) is on the ASD pathway and it has been an intense few years. It has pushed our marriage to breaking point, especially between ages 2-3.5, honestly it was the hardest 18 months of my life. Looks like we are coming out of the woods as DS is starting to say a few words (has the speech of a 1 year old) he’s now sleeping through the night and his comprehension is improving. We have had that conversation and decided having another child wouldn’t be fair on DS or the child, plus I if I am completely honest I don’t think we would cope with another child with SEN.

Well if you are deciding they are single child families the child must be five or older so that predates the current cost of living crisis (assuming that most families aim for a Teo/three year age gap).
But actually, for whatever reason, I think there are more out there. Maybe because it's more socially acceptable to stop after one.

I'm one of eight DC and the only one who doesn't have an only child, (I have 3DC). DS's fiancée has no siblings and neither do either of her parents. My siblings are all 50+ so it's hardly a new phenomenon.

Yes I've noticed this. I think it is going to be very interesting in the next generations that aunts, uncles and cousins will be a rarity. Huge family Christmases and weddings and get together will be the exception rather than the norm.

We are a single child family but not through choice. It took me a lot of years to have my DD. I always thought I would have more than one, but life doesn't always turn out the way you hoped. Although there is nothing wrong with choosing just to have one child.

funny i’m finding the opposite - my circle most people have 2 or 3 children (i will have 3 children too) and only one person stopped at one

Yep. If you have little money wise, you may as well have more so at least you have lots of family. If you have loads of money, it doesn’t matter.

If you’re in the middle, how are you supposed to afford another maternity leave? Even if you wait till first child is at school, you’d be on less money for the year that they were 5, or 6, or 7. Christmas is tighter than it usually is. Maybe you can’t afford to go on holiday that year or anymore, because after you’ve finished earning SMP (£172 a week before tax I think) you then have to pay £1100-1400 a month for a full time childcare place if you return to work, or just not return to work but then lose that second income. This is all taking away from the eldest in some way. It’s a difficult compromise to make if you aren’t very wealthy!

I am one of four DC. I have an only and my DB had an only for long time. My next door neighbour has 9 DC, all of them over 60s now, but they all seem to have fewer children.
I feel people from chaotic households choose to have fewer DC and calmer homes.
This could be my assumption.